If you adopted a child, would you be offended if they wanted to find their biological parents?
Adoptive parents share their lives with their children and yet, they must live with the fact that at some stage, their children will seek out their biological parents. Is that a snub to the adoptive parents or is that the right of an adopted child?
Not at all. I would consider it entirely normal. It is entirely normal for you to desire to know your biological parents. Why didn't you want me? What happened? What do they look like? Do I share any traits with them? Etc. If anything, i would expect the adoptive parents to entirely support them to find their biological parents and be there for them in case the situation goes south on the first meeting.
I agree - the meeting might not deliver on years of built-up expectation and anticipation. It might also be important from a medical perspective to establish if there are any developments from a health perspective that the kid needs to know about.
I wouldn't be offended and would support and help them in their search. However I would feel anxious about it...I guess I'd worry they may not find what they were looking for or would be disappointed by what they found.
No snub,I think with being a parent, every parents wants the child to be truly theirs, but the true human side of us know better , so they brace themselves for that day, by right we feel it is the child right to known where they come from, so that the child can better understand them self..
It seems that our natural inclination as a parent would be to protect and shelter your child from potentially painful experiences, but developing into an adult or as an adult means children might experience discomfort and parents must allow that.
Speaking as an adopted child who has found her biological family, I feel the answer may be different if you are actually in this situation. When I asked my adoptive parents about finding my biological parents, they were very upset (rightfully so). As they put it, "We raised you, we are your parents. We were there when you were sick and sent you through school". They were right, they are my parents and raised me; but I still had a desire to find my biological family.
I have met my biological mom and half brother and sister by her. They are very nice and we have a relationship. In my situation, they will never take the place of my adoptive family. They will always be dear in my heart.
Thanks for your comment. Yes, I can definitely understand that your adoptive parents might not be enthused with the idea of "other" parents - it seems some adoptive parents are troubled while others are not. Perfectly understandable either way
No, I wouldn't be offended. I would actually support them and suggest the right moment when it arrives. I would be very involved with this, and worried about the possible results for the child, but ready to guide and support. A rather difficult process I think!
As an adopted child AND a mother who gave a child up for adoption, I still don't have a clue what that would be like for the adoptive parents. My mother always tells me that whenever I am ready, she will help me find my birth mother. I have had the desire several times for different reasons. Sometimes I want to know who I look like, sometimes I want to find my 3 brothers, sometimes I am just curious. But none of my reasons have anything to do with a lack on the part of my adoptive parents. Maybe the reason I have never followed through with it is that luckily enough, I was loved beyond measure and while there is a want, there is no void. On the flip side as a birth mother I pose another question: "If you are a birth mother, what might be your response to never being seeked out?" I had to grapple this when I gave up my son. I had to come to terms with the fact that he may NEVER look for me and I cannot take that personally. When I gave him up I gave up my right to everything that had anything to do with his life. I am not saying that the day he turns 18 I am not going to be expectant at every ring of the phone or every chime of the doorbell or every letter in the mail, because I will. And that will be very hard to deal with, but I made that choice 11 years ago with the mental knowledge that some day that would be my reality.
I have an adopted child. We adopted him through an agency and never met the birth mother. However, we have information about her and have told our son everything we knew. He was interested in looking for her once, but that was before Katrina destroyed thousands of vital records in New Orleans, which is where the adoption took place. There is a registry in Louisiana where adopted children and biological parents can sign up and efforts will be made to connect them. My son has not expressed any interest in doing that. He was six weeks old when we adopted him. He is now 29.
Every adoptive child has the right to find their biological parents, I would even help them find their parents, it is important fro them to know their parents and more about their lives as a family.
My husband and I are adopting and we feel that if our child would like to find their Bio family, then we would support their decision. Without that family we wouldn't have ours.
by colp 10 years ago
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