What do you do when your child calls you from college in their first year and wants to come home?
When your kids go off to college sometimes they get homesick and maybe a bit overwhelmed with the workload. What do you do when they call up crying because they want to come home?
I was on the same shoes way back in college. I called my dad saying college life is really hard and I'm about to quit. I can still remember the exact words...he said "Life itself is hard. If you back away now, you are giving away a rare chance to achieve what you really want. Unless you're confessing about being gay, don't cry over the phone kid. (jokingly says it)"..It somehow inspired me to move on. Have a good day and good luck!
Best thing to do is listen to your child and if possible go to where he is and reassure him, that if he wants to have a good future then he has to go through all these hardships in order to have a better future. Going to college is not easy, especially when you are separated from your parents and all members of the family. But if the child have an ambition to fulfil, he has to go through all this. If possible stay with your child for a little while until he adjust himself or herself to college life. Coming home is not the answer if your child wants to become somebody in the future. Advise your child that education is the best inheritance you could give them that is what my father said to me when I went away to go to college and he was dead right. If I had not listen to my Dad's advice then I would not be here where I am now. It takes courage and determination but it can be done. With good advice, your child will get use to college life.
That depends. If it is a regular, "this is hard, I'm overwhelmed" situation, than I'd tell them that they are partway through the semester and need to see it to the end. If they don't they will later be disappointed in themselves.
On the other hand, college can very quickly put people into really difficult situations. I'd want to make sure they aren't dealing with something serious.
For the most part, colleges want their kids to succeed and often have resources to help, such as free counseling and tutors. You could suggest that they avail themselves of such opportunities. There's also nothing wrong with going up to a teacher or program administrator and telling them that you are struggling and was wondering if they had any helpful advice or suggestions.
One of the biggest mistakes kids often make, in my opinion, is thinking that they need to do things on their own. They don't and there are almost always people around who understand exactly what they are going through. There may not be much you can do from afar but just being available to talk is often enough. Another simple thing you can do is send them a care package. I always found that something from home was a nice surprise.
I've never experienced this when I was in college. In fact I couldn't wait to get away and be in charge of my own life.
My guess would be the kid has not bonded with any new friends, joined any organizations, or attended any school functions or sports activities. Most settle down in their sophomore year.
Another possibility is they have a "girlfriend/boyfriend" they're hoping to hold onto in their hometown. It is extremely difficult to keep a long distance relationship going for teenagers. The reality is most of us move on after a couple of semesters.
Lastly it could be they never really wanted to go away to college to begin with. They may have felt obligated to do so because it was "expected" or they did it to make their parents happy/proud. If you're doing something you don't want to do then it's impossible to enjoy the experience.
As a parent I would not insist on wasting my money on a education my child does not want. However I would ask them; "What do you plan on doing with your life?" (and then I'd shut up and listen)
I would not allow them to move back into my home "rent free" unless they were attending community college full-time, otherwise they'd have to get a job and pay me rent. College may not be for everyone but at some point a person has to develop a marketable skill or trade to live a decent life.
The goal of any parent is to prepare their child for adulthood. After age 18 they are considered adults and have to take responsibility for (their) choices. Some kids will never leave the nest as long as they have all the comforts without having to follow rules or pitch in. Being "uncomfortable" is what motivates us to do better and try to have more in life. Best of luck!
I would do everything I could to get them to stay at least through the year. I am a firm believer in finishing what you start. However, if they are truly not happy then I see nothing wrong with trying a different college or even a different path once they finish the year.
I have two boys that have both at different times told me that they wanted to quit something they started. I would not let them. I told them they signed up for it and others were depending on them and they would finish. They did not have to sign up again but they would finish what they started. In the end, with time, they found out they liked what they had started and they stuck with the activities for years.
With college, a big consideration is the money invested because you might not get it back. Overriding the financial part of it is your child's well-being and happiness. Maybe there is a good reason they want to come home and maybe they truly need to. However, if there is no reason other than "I don't like it", "I miss my friends", etc., they need to stay. Allowing them to walk away may cause them to think they can bail out on anything and that is not a good habit to get into it. It won't serve them well later.
It may seem like an eternity to them but at this point, they don't have much more time in the year anyway. I would encourage them to stick it out but make sure first that there is no serious depression or anything like that going on. Good luck!
I'd let them come and enroll in a college closer to home. They would need to be aware that they would have to attend school or get a job...it would not be a free ride. But if they were having trouble adjusting and really wanted to come home, I would let them come. It might be a maturity issue and the following year they may be more emotionally prepared to leave home.
First, I think if someone is determined to do, or not to do something there may be no way to stop them.
Speaking as someone who quit college after my first year, I hope that doesn't happen to my kids. I wanted to quit because I felt like I didn't have a clear path and thought I needed one. With this knowledge, I would address these concerns and personally, I will be able to tell them how much more difficult it was to finish my degree 15+ years later.
I would ask them what their fears are and try to address them. I would also explain to them that these are natural emotions. Validating their feelings is very important. Then, I would thoroughly explain how hard it was for me to finish my degree later in life. I have a full-time job, husband, and two kids. This ads a greater complexity and makes it twice as difficult as I remember when I was 18.
I would also explain that if they do not want to complete a four-year college to consider a technical school. Some is better than none. That way, if they chose to go back they have their generals completed.
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