Is my sister's behavior simply sibling rivalry or something more?
My mother says that a little sibling rivalry is OK. She says that my sister chasing me as a kid down the hall to my room with a butcher knife is normal sibling stuff. Now that we are older and I have moved away, she can't even stand for my parents to visit me. After 5 years, my mother finally came to visit, and my sister text her several times with remarks about her being with her "Favorite daughter" now, that she had forgotten about her already, and she GUESSES she will share with me. It hurts me everyday. I am not sure how to respond to that behavior. Is this normal rivalry?
YES, this is SIBLING ENVY.The sibling relationship is a highly complex one.Siblings view each other as competitors,even enemies. In multichild families,there's bound to be sibling rivalry or worse. When there's more than one child,there's going to be competition for parental resources-financial, emotional,& psychological.Studies have confirmed that siblings routinely kick,punch,hit,&are otherwise emotionally/ verbally abuse each other.Such behaviors are par regarding sibling relationships.
Siblings routinely engage in gamesmanship & upmanshp with each other to see who's the better person.There's no such thing as siblings without sibling rivalry. Many factors are influential regarding sibling rivalry.There's birth order.'There's oftentimes contention between oldest children & their younger siblings. Oldest children oftentimes feel dethroned by younger siblings & either display overt or covert resentment towards them &/or the parents in various ways.They may be the OVERACHIEVER, the BEST CHILD or they may be the CONTROL FREAK, AUTHORITARIAN BOSS, or THE BULLY to their younger siblings. Middle children are often in a sibling quandary.They're NEITHER the oldest nor the youngest.They're well, in-between, they're oftentimes the FORGOTTEN children.They're not appreciated for their individual selves but are appendages of either OLDER or YOUNGER siblings. One can say that the middle child's in NO MAN'S LAND, sibling wise. They either must be HIGHLY ASSERTIVE in order to be respected or just FADE INTO THE BACKGROUND. Studies have recently shown that it's the middle child who's more likely to be bullies in order to establish some sort of dominance,territoriality,& dominance among his/her siblings.Then there's the youngest child.H/she's THE CENTER of the universe. H/she knows that h/she has IT MADE as h/she'll NEVER be dethroned.Youngest children tend to receive the MOST PREFERENTIAL treatment of all birth orders.They're pamperred & indulged longer than any of their siblings.This causes jealously & resentment of the oldest/older siblings towards the youngest child which is displayed either through bullying &other forms of abuse.Youngest children, since many are the little emperors/empresses of their families, can manipulate their oldest/older siblings to THEIR WILL.
There's the issue of favoritism.In multichild families,there's ALWAYS favoritism.One child's going to be favored over other children.This causes lifetime resentment of this child by other children.
Gmwilliams, this sounds like my children! My girls will pinch in a scuffle, but nothing real serious and they still look out for each other. I didn't get that from mine. It seemed she just has always hated me. Thanks for your great response!
Quite welcome indeed! Thank you for selecting my answer as the best.
I think your sister's actions are over the top. My elder sister has always been jealous of me for no real reason, but she doesn't behave like that. Most people learn to handle their emotions better as they grow up. Yes, a little rivalry is okay, but this is more than a little.
Sibling rivalry can lead to minor arguments, fights, and petty jealousy but chasing you down the hall with a knife isn't normal. I'm not a psychologist but I'd say she has some problem more serious than a rivalry. I know for a fact my older brother is my dad's favorite child. That said, we've never had anything close to what you describe.
daborn7......Huh?? All due respect to your Mom, please let me reassure you, "chasing one's sibling down a hall toting a BUTCHER KNIFE is NOT (and I repeat) NOT "Normal," by any stretch, in any situation.
This doesn't matter WHO is doing the chasing or who is being chased....
"NORMAL sibling stuff?"......Not a chance that's "normal."
I am so astounded by your first 2 sentences.....which you clearly present so matter-of-fact & non-chalant.......I will only say that given your sister's behavior, attitude and snide comments (which are blatantly passive/aggressive) you should hope that she comes to realize she needs some serious mental health therapy.
Either this....or I beg your pardon, I need to come to terms with the fact that I MUST have been born and raised on Mars by aliens.
When I grew up...and because my parents were SANE...had I chased my sister with a butcher knife...I'd have been quickly wrapped in a straight-jacket and hauled OFF! And rightly so.
I think my mother is simply trying to protect her daughter by saying its normal? I do say it non-chalantly because It was long ago, and I am over it mostly. I always kind of figured that siblings should not act like that. Thanks for your feedback.
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by J. Kumm 8 years ago
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by iwriteforyou 5 years ago
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Does the gap in age between your kids matter when it comes to sibling rivalry?Is it better to have them closer in age or not?
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