Are/were your parents authoritarian, old-fashioned, traditional, conservative, moderate,
modern, liberal, progressive, or universalistic in terms of their child rearing practices?
My parents were clueless - you forgot that option. Sadly it's an option that many parents engage in. They just do what their parents did without a lot of thought as to what they could or should do better.
My mother was so lenient and lax it was to the point of neglect. She just let me do whatever and rarely gave me much attention unless it was negative. Our together time was mostly watching TV or her eyes glazing over as she feigned interest in whatever I was talking about. She wanted to be a "friend" more than a mother - but her "liberal" style of parenting was not parenting at all.
My father just screamed and yelled until he was blue in the face all the time, because that's what his dad did to him. They were a nice "conservative" family with all those great values we hear so much about. It wasn't uncommon for his parents to resort to violence and verbal abuse, and instead of learning from it, he perpetuated more of it. Be in control at all times, using fear and force if you have to.
Later on, my mother recognized the mistakes she made and apologized, but the damage done by her and my father took years to undo.
Because of how I was raised, I actually took parenting classes and a psych class or two before ever having children of my own. I was seriously afraid I'd screw it up if I didn't. Glad I did, it helped me to understand how kids minds work - and how to see the world through their eyes. This has made me a better parent that I likely would have been otherwise.
My father was authoritarian, my mother was traditional.
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