Parenting Your Parent

Jump to Last Post 1-2 of 2 discussions (5 posts)
  1. fjpteach profile image60
    fjpteachposted 6 years ago

    I just recently met a lady who is trying to figure out what to do with her mother who just had a stroke.  She seems to be eager to learn what to do, but does not know where to go or what to do next to ensure that her mother gets the proper care.  I gave her the information I had, but I would love to offer her more! Please post any advice or tips you have for someone who is just embarking on the journey of having to care for a sick/aging parent.
    NOTE:This forum was not created to cook up ways to treat aging parents as children, but to create a list of things that every newbie needs to know when they are first looking to care for their parents. I hope this clarifies things. : )

  2. Lisa HW profile image66
    Lisa HWposted 6 years ago

    One thing that struck me about "parenting your parent" is that just because someone is ill (or in the case, had a stroke - or is even healthy but elderly), it doesn't mean she's a child.  People need to find a way to provide care that doesn't amount to treating the person as if s/he is a child.

    My mother was bedridden for over a year at the end of her life.  She hadn't had a stroke, so she could talk and express herself.  She would say, "The hardest thing is that you feel like the same person you've always been on the inside, but you can't do the things you want to be able to do."  I know she was scared, and I know she felt a sense of loss to see life slipping away from her.  People in that kind of situation don't need others thinking of "parenting" them (as if they're a child) on top of the rest of the stuff they're dealing with.

    1. fjpteach profile image60
      fjpteachposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Maybe I should change the title, because that is NOT what I meant. I mean taking care of your parent as they took care of you.  I go out of my way to ensure that my mother holds on to as much of her independence as possible. I advocate for her and and for others who struggle through this unfortunate phase in their life. I took on the responsibility of taking care of my mother much like a new parent does when they have a child.  I am merely speaking of the role reversal that happens and how we must rise up to provide for them and protect them in the same way they did us. I am not at all speaking of belittling our parents and simply telling them what to do.  My intention was to get information on how to better care for our parents, especially for someone who is new to it.  I see that you feel strongly about this as I do and I hope that you are not turned off or offended by the title.  Love and Respect

      1. Lisa HW profile image66
        Lisa HWposted 6 years agoin reply to this

        I know you weren't (and I didn't mean AT ALL to come across as if I thought you were (being "belittling").  I know just what you meant.  I think where it can get tricky, though, is that there's only role reversal in some limited areas (particular when parents are still mentally able to "be themselves").  There were times when we'd try to protect our mother, and she'd feel as if we over-stepping our bounds because she would say that she knew what she was willing to put up with, and if she didn't like something she'd stand up for herself.  I didn't at all want to come across as if I found the title offensive.  That was more a matter of a "here's what comes to mind first" kind of response I did, but it was more like a "word association" thing (trying to come up with ideas) than an indication of anything else.  Now I feel bad.  hmm   smile   Oh well, I think we all know that all most of us ever want is to make sure elderly/infirmed parents get the best care and love.  (Sorry I did my occasional "weird choice of wording" kind of thing.  hmm  )

        1. fjpteach profile image60
          fjpteachposted 6 years agoin reply to this

          Phew! I was feeling bad. I have a few hubs with that title and I was worried that it might be off putting! Don't worry Lisa, we're good : )  I know exactly what you mean. My mom is still pretty capable of taking care of herself, which makes it hard sometimes to know when to step in and when to let her handle it.  It is such a thin line that we walk on when we have parents that are not an extreme case.

 
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)