What do you think of people who aren't very close to their parents?

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   Jonas Rodrigoposted 9 years ago

   What do you think of people who aren't very close to their parents?
   
   No hate or anything; it's just that we're indifferent  to each other.

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   Express10posted 9 years ago

   In this area I typically hold off on judgement because I personally know people who were abused and used by their parents and have excellent reason(s) for not being very close if they are even on speaking terms at all. Some people/families may have indifferent attitudes, different values and standards and others may have been abused, etc. There are a large number of perfectly valid reasons for not being close to one's parents and in many situations it's to be expected and absolutely healthy particularly where anyone's mental, physical or financial lives are in jeopardy. So, if this question is about you or someone you care about, don't be so hard on yourself or them, do what's best for you and let them do the same

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      Jonas Rodrigoposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for your thoughts on this, Express10.

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   Jade89posted 9 years ago

   I'd think that they probaby have a reason for feeling the way that they do.

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      Jonas Rodrigoposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      It's always good when people choose to consider the situation of others as you do, Jade. Thanks for answering.

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   Alphadogg16posted 9 years ago

   There are bad parents just as there is bad everything else in the world. I wouldn't think anything, as I'm sure they have a particular reason for being that way with their parents.

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      Jonas Rodrigoposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for your insight on this, Kevin.

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      Express10posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I completely agree. Too often, parents are not who/what they should be and outsiders negatively judge their offspring for their choice to maintain distance.

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   peachpurpleposted 9 years ago

   Communicatin breakdown that is for sure，could be misundersanding or siblings rivalry

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      Jonas Rodrigoposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      But what if there was no "communication" to begin with (meaning it can't break down because it never existed)? I think that's infinitely more complicated.

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   dashingscorpioposted 9 years ago

   It usually means the parents did not bond well with them during their formative years or there was something that took place which forced a wedge between them.
   I grew up in a household where my mother was overbearing, abrasive, prone to yelling and whipping me and my brothers during our childhood. Naturally that created some distance between us when I went away to college and eventually moved 2000 miles away.
   Childhood was something I wanted to escape from. I wanted to be in control of my life and making my own decisions early on.
   However over time we got closer and spent some quality time together in years prior to her death as we visited with one another.
   I wouldn't hold it against anyone who was not close to their parents.
   Life is a (personal) journey.
   Each of us gets to (choose) who we want to spend our time with.
   Sometimes the most toxic people in one's life are their parents. I don't believe anyone should feel "obligated" to associate with people that poison their lives or cause them unhappiness even if they are blood related. No one deserves a "free pass" to make you miserable.

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      gmwilliamsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      EXACTLY!

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      Jonas Rodrigoposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I fully agree with your last statement, dashingscorpio. You are very right.

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   Tjphilz5posted 9 years ago

   Some people are simply toxic, whether friends or family. Your parents are no exception, in fact the fact that they are your parents sometimes make it so that they affect you worse than anything else.

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      Jonas Rodrigoposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      That is true, Tyler. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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   fpherj48posted 9 years ago

   Jonas......Family dynamics, relationships and bonds are quite varied.  Each family has their own history, lifestyle, traditions, cultures.....If in fact, as an adult, one finds they are distanced from their parents, this did not occur overnight. 
   The majority of this issue must be acknowledged and owned by the parents for obvious reasons.  The child came in brand new, innocent and vulnerable.
   
   I don't judge the family connections of others and surely would not form an opinion.  I think the private thought I might have is that I'd be somewhat sad for these people, since family is so very special and important (in my life). 
   
   I'm sure I would feel they were robbed of a certain amount of "joy" in their lives.   
   However this does happen to many families and must be accepted.

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      Jonas Rodrigoposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      You are very understanding, Paula. I wish more people would be like that.

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   gmwilliamsposted 9 years ago

   
   
   Children TREAT their parents the WAY their parents TREATED them, pure & simple, no more, no less.   People who aren't very close to their parents are that way for a reason.  Perhaps, the parent was emotionally cold & distant towards them.  Maybe such people were disfavored children in the family who were treated disparately by their parents. The familial situation could be much worse-these people were odd children out or even scapegoated children who received the WORST of parental treatment.  Such people may be deemed black sheeps by their parents because they stood out from the rest of the family members which the parents found to be distressing.   
   
   Then there are parents who really don't like their children at all & were just perfunctory parents to them.   Children are very aware of their environment & their parents.  THEY instinctively know when they aren't loved, even liked by their parents.  Remember the saying what goes around, comes around.  Well, people who aren't  very close to their parents had parents who mistreated them in some way.

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