Why do people who can't have children hate others? As if they took their right t

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   BrittanyRocketteposted 8 years ago

   Why do people who can't have children hate others? As if they took their right to have a child.
   
   I am a proud mother of 5 (I'm done!) and love for people to come around my children and enjoy themselves. What I do not understand is why the rude side comments have to be made because I chose to have 5 children. People who do not have children always have something to say about my choice to have children and often feel as if I owe them something because I have children. Prime example, my fiance's sister cannot have children, so she thinks I should allow her to fill her void by letting her overrule my children. While I sympathize with her, I disagree.

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2. 84

   tamarawilhiteposted 8 years ago

   The haves versus the have nots.
   The hatred of those who seem to unjustifiably have something when you see it as your right to do so.

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   WordCrafter09posted 8 years ago

   Based on what you offered as an example, I wouldn't assume she (or anyone else who doesn't/can't have children) "hates".  I think it's natural for someone to enjoy being with a child/children; but one problem can be that the person who doesn't have/can't have a child doesn't know how it is/feels for someone else who has children.  Missing the "full depth" of how a mother feels toward her child (assuming the mother has the "normal" thing of maternal instinct/bond; the person who has no children can often tend to see all children through an "all children" lens.  OR, the may really love a friend or family members child but not realize that their love is still no the same/equal as what the child's mother feels (again assuming the mother and her child have a normal bond).
   
   As far as "thinking she should be able to over-rule" goes, it can be tricky to think one knows what someone else is thinking; BUT, if she really thinks that way that's a whole other thing from what I said above.  That's just out of line of her.  Sometimes people do that if they think they know better than the child's mother (maybe they do, maybe they don't), but believing one has, or should have, some right to "over-rule" the mother of a child/children is just out of line.
   
   To me, the only time someone else might have a legitimate reason to "expect to over-rule" the mother of a child/children might be in the case of kids and their mother being in someone else's home, the kids acting up and making messes/risking breaking things (or even hurting pets or other guests); and the childless person expecting the kids' mother do something about her own child/children.
   
   Sometimes if/when there seems to be "hate" vibes coming from the mother who lets her child/kids run wild aren't about the fact that she rightfully expects to be her own child's mother, but because she thinks her kids should be allowed to run as wild or big as big of jerks as they want to be in the home of someone who doesn't have children.
   
   Similarly, if the mother has well behaved and happy children the person with no child of her own may think the children "were just born that way, and the mother of them is 'just lucky' to have such great kids".  "Just lucky" thinking and/or lack of awareness of what it takes to have nice kids can be what a mother resents/won't have from someone else.  That can be seen by the person prone to over-stepping/not recognizing different relationships) bounds as an "insult" of someone who means well.

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      BrittanyRocketteposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I understand what you're saying, it just seems off to me. It's always a thing of "It shouldn't be that hard to see them", or "I'm the aunt or grandma." That holds no weight to me. I feel a mother must be respected as such.

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4. 84

   gmwilliamsposted 8 years ago

   
   
   People who are childfree DON'T hate others who have children.  In fact, it is the OPPOSITE, people who have children HATE those who are childfree.  It is OFTENTIMES people who have a LOT of children who HATE the childfree & those who have small families(1-2 children).  People who have a lot of children are THE MOST PREJUDICED against those who have childfree & 1-child families.
   
   People DON'T HATE those who have  A LOT of children. They just feel that having a large families is totally irresponsible in this day & age of contraception.  They know that parents who knowingly have large families relegate their children into socioeconomic poverty where want & scarcity are normative.  They also see that children in large families tend to be neglected as some will be cared for while others will be discarded, neglected & left to raise themselves &/or others.
   
   They are furthermore cognizant of the fact that children in large families won't have myriad cultural, intellectual, & educational opportunities.  Such children will be academically & intellectually behind because of those lack of opportunities.  These children won't have the prerequisite individualized parental attention which is commonplace for children in large families.
   
   People rightfully make remarks about large families because the latter are wrong.  Why deprive children of myriad socioeconomic & educational opportunities because of a need to have children w/o being concerned of the ramifications of this upon the existing children-that is illogical.  People know that smart people have the number of children as to afford such children the greatest socioeconomic & educational opportunities, not less.

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