How do I avoid conflict while visiting my daughter and her boyfriend after having a new baby?
My daughter asked me to come stay after giving birth. I arrived to a house that reeked of animal urine from 5 cats and dogs....cigarette smoke and butts in cars and on the ground outside...rotting food in the fridge...neglected pets (no nails trimmed and mites) laundry piled everywhere...unpaid bills laying around...no money for household or groceries, but there are always cigs available. I tried to help by cleaning everything, taking the pets on daily walks and grooming them, and buying a ton of groceries and household items. I tried to talk and she flips out.
Oh dear me....such a dilemma, Grandma. I apologize in advance 4 asking this question but seriously, Khaki, if U R confident U raised your daughter 2B better than this slob she portrays, what do U feel the problem may B? Is it possible she is dealing w/ extreme fatigue or worse, post-natal depression?
Is "Baby Daddy" incapable or unwilling 2 pitch in & do his share of maintenance &/or care of the baby?
Since U say UR daughter asked U 2 come & stay, is it safe 2 assume she hoped U would step up & help in the ways U have helped thus far? I mean, U didn't expect 2 get 2 the house & just sit around & do nothing, right?
This tells me that she is aware the place is a shambles & requires serious attention, (which is a positive sign.) Is the baby's Father going 2 a job every day & working full time 2 at least help alleviate some of the financial stress?
Sorry 4 asking so many questions but it can B nearly impossible 2 suggest anything w/o more facts, upon which I can base any advice.
Other than having a few minutes of baby-time 4 Grandma, it's really best that Mommy & Daddy deal w/ the bulk of baby care. This is an important time 4 their bonding.
This frees U up to continue 2 try 2 clean up the home, air it out w/ some Fresh Air & keep the animals fed & happy.
I can only hope these new parents R NOT smoking indoors or near their baby at all, at any time! If they R, this is a real problem that somehow needs 2B addressed with them by "someone."....preferably not U, since UR daughter bristles when U try 2 speak 2 her. Remember Mom, she called U 2 "help," not criticize. Believe me, I realize it has 2B difficult 2 remain silent in some cases, but 4 now, U need 2 try. Keep in mind she is a brand new Mom, she is healing from delivery, probably nervous and stressed...so UR support is vital.
It seems U've done quite a bit 2 help out & I should think it's appreciated. It also appears the only way 2 avoid "conflict" is 2 stick 2 helping out & (for now) not preaching or scolding. This couple may have gotten themselves into a temporary slump & fully intend 2 shape up. "Hope."
On the other hand, as 1 Grandma 2 another...if U don't see a vast improvement in the entire situation in a reasonable length of time, U have every right & responsibility 2 speak up firmly, 4 the health & safety of that precious new life. I wish U much luck. Keep us posted.
by Cindy Lawson 3 years ago
Is it okay to allow your teenage daughter to sleep over with her boyfriend in your house?Would you allow your teenage daughter to bring her boyfriend back to your house to stay overnight with her?
by Jacqueline Williamson BBA MPA MS 3 years ago
Have you ever faced a challenge in your life when you wanted to “fight back” but that inner voice told you that it would only make things worse? You were facing a difficult person or situation be it a co-worker or having to renege on a promise and you knew the only thing to do at the time was...
by LSKing 3 years ago
If you answered yes, then you may want to change your mind. It will only cause heartache and a broken friendship. I told one of my closest friends that her boyfriend was cheating on her and now we're no longer close. It hurts my heart because I didn't want to tell her but, the person he was...
by jenntyl99 6 years ago
How can I help my daughter overcome breaking up with her boyfriend?
by PhoenixV 5 years ago
What Are Some Fun Things To See And Do While Visiting Shanghai?What Are Some Fun Things To See And Do While Visiting Shanghai?
by Deborah-Lynn 8 years ago
What if you think your adult child is being abused by her boyfriend, how do you intervein.As the parent of a nineteen year old, I am stunned that my daughter moved out of our home after returning in hyterical tears one week ago. She has a severely bruised jawbone and would not admit as to if...
Copyright © 2018 HubPages Inc. and respective owners. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc. HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
|HubPages Device ID||This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.|
|Login||This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.|
|HubPages Traffic Pixel||This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.|
|Remarketing Pixels||We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.|
|Conversion Tracking Pixels||We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.|