The answer to this question is going to be different for every individual, I realise. My grandparents have unfortunately become quite ill at the moment, and my poor mum has been running up and down, taking them to and from hospitals and helping them at home non-stop. I then thought about how my nanna & grandad always ring home asking my parents for advice on financial issues, which I don't really understand at my age. So then I wondered, "At what point do you stop needing your parents," ("Sorry, Mum, I need to borrow some money again..." - "Dad, what should I do in such-and-such a situation?") "...and they start needing you?"
When you start becoming more successful than your parents. I'm guessing a lot of people will take this the wrong way, but what I mean is .. Maybe you have more education than your parents.
My mom is an elementary school teacher and I'm a children and adolescent psychiatry resident and she calls me from time to time and starts with "Honey.. I have this student who's veeeery hyper, but I don't think it's ADHD.. Do you think he might be schizophrenic?"
It just happens at the time when you start becoming more successful in careers and .. sometimes life than your old folks.
That's a really good point and I agree with you there. I'm only a teenager at the moment, but do actually have more qualifications than my parents and have noticed my mum asking me questions a lot more lately, which I'm more than ok with!
I can't believe you're so young! Your hubs are great. I thought you might be a working writer.
I think it often becomes a matter of health and the fact that as you get older, you sometimes need help with things that you used to be able to do on your own.
Also, when a spouse dies and the partner left behind has been married for 50 years and never once cooked a meal for themselves or spent a single night alone - that makes life suddenly very hard for them.
I was raised in a disfunctional enviroment, left home when I was 16 and have never returned, now that my parents are in their late 60s I say hi now and again but its a strained situation, sometimes I feel guilty about not being in cantact with the more, but my guilt if of set when I remember how things were when I was a child....
Wow, your family is so different from mine you may not even undersgtand my answers. I stopped needing my parents at about the age of 13 or 14. I never got any money loaned to me for any reason at all, and as a matter of faCT, at the age of 14 or so, I had two jobs, was doing home schooling and was also taking five or six courses in library sciences and linguistics from the Univ. of Kansas,Nebraska and Conn. so I could get a pay raisel My mom made us be self sufficient from a very young age.
Now so far as she needing me, well she refused to live with me after dad died, for she kept saying that she thought I was going to put her in an old folks home (Like I could afford that !!) My mom is a little off in the upstairs quarters, so I don't think my answers are going to help you much. I can say that the sooner you do not lean on them for cash, the sooner they will feel that you are mature enough to help them out maybe. Nobodty is going to ask questions from someone who cannot budget their own monies.
It happened for me when I hit my late teens. It had nothing to do with my success or lack thereof in the outside world. It was simply a case of me making my own way and no longer requiring their financial support.
Moral support was and remains a different issue. When I went out into the world I took with me what they knew of life including what was then called a Protestant work ethic. Instead of being told right from wrong or which party in government is best there was instead a sharing of ideas and ideals. Carving your own place in the world is important and my parents knew this.
It also really depends on HOW your parents need you. I mean, I get a call from my dad from time to time "JESSE.. HOW DO I WRITE ON SOMEONE'S WALL ON FACEBOOK?"
My parents would NEVER ask me for anything super serious. In their mind, I'm still a grumpy 17 year old.
They ask me about Facebook and Psychological advice.
i think the answer depends on the situation one is in, what culture one belongs to, and what kind of parents one has.
when one already has economical power then he/she can stop 'needing' his parents based on the financial aspect. but i believe we do not really stop 'needing' them especially when we need their pieces of advice on some things. that is, if the parents are dependable on this aspect.
It depends on the individuals. I loved it when my parents began to truly treat me as an adult and valued my opinions. And now my neice and nephew have become true, independent adults and are treated as such. I noticed this at Christmas how we were a room full of grown ups with no children. Each with our own lives. It was great.
As for dependence. That changes constantly with the needs of the individuals. If one of us is sick or having a bad time we help each other. Age is not the determining factor, it is need.
I think parents and children always need each other, but it's the type of need that changes. When the relationship between a parent and a child begins, the child is physically dependent on the parent, and the parent is emotionally dependent on the child. A mother bonds with her baby before the baby even realizes that the mother has a separate existence from itself. Gradually, as children become more physically independent, they develop an emotional dependence on parents. As parents become less responsible for children, the emotional/physical dependence may change. Children may show more concern for the well-being of parents, and parents may become less aware of the physical needs of the child.
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