How do you raise your children differently than you were raised?
Are you strict or less strict?
My children are well into their mid 20's and early 30's...........they are grown.
I, even today, receive compliments from their bosses and even their landlords on how well behaved and mannered they are!
I was strict, demanding and forceful. I expected a great deal from my daughters, because, it was I , who gave them a great deal of myself.
The way that I reared them, mimicks the way that I was reared, excepting this.........
My children were allowed a respectful voice...........they were allowed to say anything, to question me, to tempt me, to lead me.....................as long as they did so in a respectful manner. I do so hold manners in high regard.
My Grandparents..............did not allow the child to speak for the child.
I did do this differently.
My mother was a teenager when she had me and both she and my father really did the best the could would limited resources. They worked extremely hard just to meet my basic needs.
When I have children I hope to be more prepared financially and emotionally. I have worked with many different children from different cultures, socio-economic and racial backgrounds. I have seen that parenting works best when parents are deliberate in their actions.
My hope is that I can be a deliberate parent-making choices thoughtfully as I go.
I just want to say that I commend you for your outlook, that you want to be prepared and also deliberate in your actions. I agree with you completely, kids do need deliberate choices & actions.
thoughtfully is the key. Far too many people. Don't think. They just react to things.
I am much, much stricter than my parents were. Once I turned 16 and got my license, I was pretty much turned loose as long as I let them know where I supposedly was (they never checked). My kids are monitored a lot more closely than that. I remember being a teen and how I thought I knew everything and really knew nothing.
Even though I'm old now, I remember vividly everything I did and most of what I felt as a teen. I try to stay one step ahead of my kids so I can guide them around some of the pitfalls bad choices can bring. My parents were really happy with whatever I told them and I made some really bad choices.
I was the only child of alcoholic parents who died when I was young. My husband has an abusive childhood, so when we decided to have children, we made darn sure we did things differently.
Like onegoodwoman, our kids were allowed to question us, talk to us about anything but we demanded respect and gave it to them in return. Children need to be heard and know that what they think is important. We made sure they were heard and the things they proposed were carefully and fairly considered.
We also used a lot of humor in our home and had so much fun. Our kids were allowed to do all kinds of things as long as we knew where they were, and who they were with. We would not tolerate lying or talking back. We all got along very well, and had no problems with them.
We were not terribly strict about everything but when there were rules, they adhered to them. We tried to be flexible when it was called for.
They are wonderful adults now and I still enjoy spending time with them.
And none of this was from our own childhoods - so it was all different.
I listen more to my son and feel I am more compassionate with him than my father was. I'm not saying my dad was a poor parent; he was old-school and was more rigid in his ways than I am as a parent. Considering that my son is now twenty-seven and a good person I guess I managed to stumble through parenthood without inflcting too much damage to his psyche.
My husband and I raise our daughter in a way that is different from the way we were raised. We practice "Attachment Parenting." Enjoy the photo gallery of her early years. read more
Since I grow up with disciplinarian mother, (i didn't have the chance to taste how a father would handle his children, he died when I was seven) our mother is always away, for the most part when I was young, so I didn't have the chance of a good nurturing by either parent...It's really difficult for me to handle my kids, as a result they were spoiled for I provided almost all their whims thinking I was doing them good...These were the things i found lacking when I was young...
I have raised my children much differently than my parents had raised me. My four beautiful children are all grown now and each one of them know that they are so loved by me and special, just because God gave them to me.
My parents were absolutely too strict, worried about everything, complained a lot, and I never felt accepted for just being myself.....I felt that when I did well at something or behaved well, that this was acceptable. I was criticized, and my brother was as well. I always say that it was like growing up in the army, with my dad as the sergeant! My parents used to say, just do it, no ifs, ands or buts!
When I raised my kids, I taught them right from wrong of course, told them to stop when they were doing something where they could get hurt, or someone else could get hurt, reprimanded them when they were disrespectful to me or to anyone else, and also I gave them time outs when necessary. I always liked to explain to my children, what the problem was, why I was reprimanding them, so that they would understand that I loved them no matter what, but, that they had to listen to me because I knew what was best for them. In addition, over the years, I have told each one of my children that they could come to me and tell me or ask me anything, and I would always be there for them.
Also, as they were growing up, I always gave them my loving arms to cuddle with me, to be acknowledged, to be listened to, to be encouraged, and most importantly, to know how much I love them. As adult children, all four of my kids know that whatever happens in each of their lives, that while I'm around, they can still always come to me. I have told each one of my kids, that no matter what, they can just drive here to me and stay with me, and it doesn't matter what they've done, or didn't do, because they know that mom is here for them with unconditional love. The love I have for each one of my children was given to me by God.....I thank Him every day for my children, and pray for them each day for protection and strength. The bible tells us that children are a blessing from the Lord....and I can certainly attest to that!!!
Thanks for this question, it's a great one!!!
I hate the word strict with a burning passion. I am not strict. I am reasonably inflexible. But I am always on the look for things that will make both me and my kid happy. Not only me, or only him. My house is a house where everyone can be themselves. Not someone else. Whether that is good bad or ugly. But most the time we are all good.
I Also. DO NOT SPANK.
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