As a step-parent, do you ever feel like enough is enough? Why can't your husband and his ex just get a long? If nothing else for the benefit of the children? Ok, so maybe not be best friends by any means, but literally be able to just stand next to each other at this weeks baseball game. Why after years is there so much hostility? I mean come on, you had to have loved each other at some point to have 3 kids together. It's the he did, she did excuse. Well it's time to put your big kid pants on and get over it. At one point in your relationship you clearly thought the other parent was a good one in order to have not one kid but multiple? Why do kids start to be thought of as possessions instead of little people with big emotions? I have so many questions, and I've been at this for nearly four years.
Oftentimes, people say that a stepparent should have no business in the relation his/her partner and ex have and their children. Not true. As a stepparent, you're part of those kids lives. If you think their relation is not healthy, especially for the kids, you must act. Maybe you can't do anything about the ex, but you can help your partner. Make him/her work his/her issues. If there's really a toxic environment, give him/her an ultimatum.
If you want to go further, maybe get close to the ex, offer to listen to his/her issues as a way to help them figure out their relation.
I know is not the same, but I did something similar with my now husband (and his father) when we were dating. They had no relationship because my husband was hurt and angry (child issues/abandonment). I gave him an ultimatum. He had to work that relation if he wanted ours to grow and last. I asked him to go talk to his dad, even if it was to recriminate him. He did. They talked. Long story short, they now have a healthy relation. He's happy he did it. They both thanked me for forcing them to talk.
I hated it and it never ended. The ex wife did everything she could to cause trouble with his relationship with his child. It's over. The child is finally grown. He (the child) may never work through all of the issues created by her emotional games but at least we no longer have to deal with it.
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