This is at times very convenient for tired parents, but may become a difficult trap to get out of.
I always though it could be a trap, and we seldom did. Perhaps when a child was sick, or scared from a nightmare or something like that, but the general rule was no.
Yeah, sure we did. Still do when they really want to. Never became a trap, it just fades away with age.
I brought our sons to bed at times if I was nursing but would put him back in his bed. that was generally in the middle of the night. we never let it become the 'family' bed. both sons had cute rooms, fun bedding and were read to every night in their own bed, once out of their cribs. routines help.
I don't recall bringing them to bed even during storms, etc. If they needed our comfort, one of us would go to them and reassure them. I know everyone is different, but I think parents should keep their bed free of pets and children.
usually once parents let them come to bed with them, it's hard to stop. as far as making it hard on a marriage.. well,it's the husband child's also. parents need to discuss together how they want to handle the bed situation.
I have to admit I slept in my parents bed alot up till I was about 6 or 7. They spent many a night making me get in my bed only to find in theirs the next morning. I was scared by myself. I do think however that if my parents had made me stay in my own bed from birth that I would have gotten used to it. So if I had children I would try not to start this habit because I remember being very scared and crying many nights because of it. But if was the norm and what was expected I might have felt differently.
I don't have kids but I know some of my friends who've gone down that path.
The feedback I get is that it's hard enough to find private time for sex and cuddles in any marriage - let a toddler get used to sleeping in your bed, and you can wave goodbye to any nookie for the next five years.
sounds like an easy and inexpensive form of birth control!!
Also an easy way to break up a marriage...like Shadesbreath says, men get married for a reason and they expect their relationship with their wife to stay that way.
Really! LOL. Sometimes a plausible way to avoid intimacy with the husband, when tired, or having gained weight or dealing with elongated mamary glands ter child birth or noticing a few stretch marks we don't want him to see until the stretch mark cream has worked.?
So true. Then as parents, we do not want to expose the children to this type of intimacy. Many of us have walked in on our parents but had no idea until much later that we may have stopped ourselves from having another "sibling". lol
Women tend to like it because it's convenient early on for nursing reasons, and later because it's snuggly and babies are so cute, and toddlers are too, and it's nice to feel needed.
1. Your man married you to have you in his bed. Anyone else in your bed (that isn't your sister or some other hot chick) is working against hard-coded biology. Some men say they don't mind, but most of those are too whipped to stand up to the fact that they wish they had their woman to themselves. Or else they are a product of the soft generation and don't realize what happens when number 2 below takes place.
2. It tends to make mama's boys out of boy children, and I think it makes all children dependent. If you don't establish the fact that they have their own lives to lead right out of the gate, you set them up for dependency that leads to the epidemic of 30 year olds we have still living with their parents today.
Really Shadesbreath! Co-sleeping doesn't make children either dependent or lead to an epidemic of 30-year-old still living at home, nor does it produce a "Mama's Boy." Allowing children to sleep in the parent's bed works for some families and not for others.
Yes, I've allowed my children to sleep in my bed. Was it a trap? No. Was it a problem? No. It is just more of an attachment parenting style, apparently a style you do not care for.
Hey, if you can pull it off, I think it's great. In my opinion it's parenting uphill. But then, some people like hiking and mountain climbing, and I do not. I'd rather work with gravity given a choice. But, hey, that's probably why the universe didn't put me in charge of what can be considered "fun" for everyone.
For those occasions when the kids needed to sleep in our room (sick, scared etc) We used a smaller size foam mattress which we laid out at the foot of our bed (stored behind the sofa when not in use).
This achieved several benefits:
1. The kids realised early that our bed was a no go.
2. We could lie with them on the mattress until they fell asleep and then hop into our bed (or fall asleep with them).
3. As they got older they could pull out the mattress themselves (we've occasionally woken up to find a child there, and they didn't wake us; normally from a nightmare)
4. We remain comfortable. Nothing more detrimental to a sound sleep than a fidgety child between you.
My youngest son gets to stay in our bed when he is ill, and when he was younger that was a lot. He has breathing problems and when he is ill it is loads easier to have him next to us at night so we can monitor is breathing without keep getting out of bed. But we haven't found it hard to teach him to sleep in his own bed the rest of the time - and now when he is ill he moans he wants to be in his own bed while I am carying him to our room - glad he is so independent, but I wish he wanted the cuddles as much as I did.
I have had both kids and a large frightened Labrador jump into the bed during a bad storm, otherwise only briefly at times when they have needed attention during the night.
they grow up too fast, i relish every moment with mine.
I think there's no harm in allowing children to sleep with you occasionally when they are ill or frightened, but it can become a habit (usually with very small children) and can be righted with expert guidance.
My kids thought the sun shone out of their dad's backside and he was always the one who was soft on them at bedtime and let them sleep with us. Having said that, he was always the one who would get up in the middle of the night to return them to their own beds when they were sound asleep so that they would wake up in their own bed and not with us.
Yes, I do. I sleep better when they are not but I feel they need it so I do let it happen, kids are so adorable, who could resist?
Just wanted to put in that co-sleeping is different from just "letting your kid sleep in your bed".
Sleeping alone as a couple and having kids sleep alone in their own rooms is a modern western phenomenon.
Women aren't here to be be married just so that they can be available for sex.
There is no rule that says sex has to happen in the bedroom, in the parents' bed, after dark. This is a modern western and might I say rather uncreative idea.
Co-slept children generally make the transition to their own beds between the age of 3-4, and are not "clingy" to get into the parents' bed at every possible opportunity, as non-co-slept children tend to remain.
Many people let their dog or cat sleep in their bed. What rule is there that says that children are less worthy of comfort and closeness at night than a dog or cat?
Nobody *has* to have their babies or children in bed with them, but the facts are that there are multiple upsides to co-sleeping.
However, letting the child in the bed under duress is not a recipe for a happy family. Everyone needs to be involved in decision making about important things as sleep arrangements.
Great points of view.It has to be the decision of the primary bedowner(s).
This comment suggests a reflexive hostility towards the desire of a man to have a relationship with his wife that is outside of the children.
Men aren't married just to they can spawn babies or hump. Some men actually like their wives and really like having a relationship with an adult female that trascends simple breeding. Chimps make babies too; humping is really easy. A few drinks and a clever line is a damp wanker in the morning if we're going to hyper-simplify drives. The intimacy that manifests from a profound and deeply spiritual relationship between kindred souls is tossed aside by the kind of gender-biased stereotyping that your comment embodies. I'm not sure you meant to be reflexively dismissive of human male motives, but I couldn't help but jump in just in case.
When my nephew came to live with us, I was shocked to discover that he was 10 years old and still sleeping in his parents' bed! We put an end to that (immediately!), but he still needed a nightlight for some time because he was afraid of being alone in the dark.
My own daughter started sleeping in her own bed in her own room when she was one week old. I am an extremely unpleasant person to be around when I haven't gotten enough sleep (also an extremely unpleasant person to be ), and the prospect of a fidgety kid in bed with us is pretty much my idea of hell. We got her used to sleeping alone as early as possible for the sake of everyone's sanity!
My oldest son appeared in our bed at some point in the middle of the night, every single night, until he was four. Then all of a sudden he stopped one night and never did it again - until his brother was born when he was 7 which set it off again. (I think the reason was obviously to do with security and the fact that we were all together in one room except for him). This time I had no choice but to persuade him to go back to his own room as the bed was full and the baby kept waking everyone up, not good for him as he had school.
I think that we have to be in tune with our kids, a try to understand their stage djustment process and be able to assist them with these.
We all regress at times and so do they, we just don't want to become stuck at a former stage of development.
Yes! I think you should allow your children to sleep in your bed specially when they're afraid.
Depends on their age I guess. They should wean off on their own or be weaned off gradually!! But, to answer the question, yes - I have a 3-1/2 year old and I do make her sleep along with me!!
Agree with Misha - should fade away with age, don't think it can become a trap or be unhealthy!!
Suprising this is a very highly talked about topic. My thoughts are it depends on your up bringing. If you are responible about it the family bed can be very healthy.
NO you may not sleep undressed in a bed that you are sharing with your children. So for me if one of mine decided they was climbing into bed I would make sure I am fully dressed and they had there own blanket in the bed. Each child should have there own bed but know that if they need to or they are sick it is okay to come and climb in there parents bed. This helps and allows for emotional growth and in there minds helps them feel safe. Your child is not going to stay up all nite unless they are sick. Once they are asleep its perfectly okay to carry them to there bed for the younger children and then walk the older children to there room and tuck them in. Parent time together then can occur again.
Children are innocent and it doesn't even cross their minds that an adult would sexually abuse them, if this is what you are suggesting. It's up to adults to not instigate sexual abuse with children. If anyone is concerned that having their children in bed with them, clothed OR unclothed, would cause them to sexually abuse their children, it would be very sensible to keep them far away from them in hours where you could be "tempted", but the thought is revolting and surely not what is really on any reasonable parent's mind. It's understandable that in this day and age, even the most innocent of parents fear that they might be accused of sexually abusing their children, so a lot of effort goes into showing that they do *not*. But just look at Japanese bath rituals, which still exist today as a cultural practice. Whole families bathing together *gasp* without clothes on! If they can handle it, why can't we? Do you honestly fear that you will molest your own children just because they are in a bed with you and not wearing any clothes? Maybe it has to do with this persistent idea that beds are for sex, and sex is for bed.
For me its just something that I was taught. When I was a child and stayed at my grandparents house I would sleep in the same bed as them and they was always clothed in front of me. (I was about 10 before I slept alone in there house.) For me I personally did not think about sexual abuse. (so my thoughts on that is WOW and sick society.) I was really thinking about comfort levels and the ignorance of our society. The family bed is supose to be a bonding situation within a family, a positive thing nothing sick like abuse of any form. But there should also be a healthy balance to prepare the child for sleeping on there own. For me that happy balance is they bring there own pillow and there own blanket. But make no mistake when my younger children get older oh no if they are sick its making a bed on the floor. again we have a sick society and need to teach our children certain things are acceptable when they are younger but not when they get older. We also need to teach our children that the family bed is okay only with there family and not for spending the nite else where. There is pro's and con's for every day things and life. it is also our jobs as parents 2 teach our kids about strangers and different things that are and are not acceptable to keep them safe. Again I can not say it enough we have a sick ignorant society.
My dogs are allowed to sleep on the bed. Does that count as children?
I still have a 6 year old boy who is put to bed in his own bed and wanders through in the middle of the night. All of my 5 children have wanted to spend time in the "grown up" bed for varying amounts of time but I agree that as they grow older they wean themselves off it.
It depends really. For me, it is out of question for my 9 year old son. I do allow my two year old daughter to sleep with us when she is seek or getting nightmares, but i always try to get her back to her own bed as soon as possible.
I was very strict with my first born, never in my bed, always in her crib and moved to her own room at age one. I only nursed her 3 months. But I remarried 15 years later and had 4 more sons, whom i nursed till they were almost 2 years old and i was pregnant again. Nursing your baby in bed is the most natural thing there is, and allowing him to peacefully sleep with a full tummy in his parents bed is as Godly as you get. Sure, we would put them back in their crib right beside me with the side down so i could access faster if they woke up. We still had the intimacy and they had their own bed, but as soon as they woke up they came right back. Now they are all grown up and none of them sleeps with us. Thank God, the youngest is 17..but sometimes he lays in bed with us to watch a movie. So what?
Before I gave birth to my daughter I said I would never let any of my child sleep in our bed.
But, first it was so convenient to have her in our bed while I was nursing. And at the same time I enjoy it so much that it never bothered me. I wasn't tired at all.
I was so happy I can have her so close to me all the time. I knew it was the nicest thing for her and I never pressured her to sleep in her bed, in her room until she was ready.
And she became ready one day, because she knew I was there. Now she sleeps in her bed and when she wakes up early in the morning I take her to our bed again. I just love it.
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