New Step Parent - New House Rules

1. 82

   GmaGoldieposted 14 years ago

   As a new wife and "new" step mother, what rules are best to set at the beginning with three young men?
   
   I am anticipating and wanting stayovers from the "teenagers" but what boundaries do I set?  Scraping the dishes before the dishwater is one I am adamant about along with no cells or texting at the table during meals.
   
   Other thoughts?

   replyreport
   1. 42

      Mikeydoesposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I was 1 of three boys and we were all within 3 years apart!
      
      MY recommendations is never boss them around, or make enemies of them. If you would like them to do something, ask nicely. "Hey can you guys do me a big favor? I would really appriciate it." My dad was good at it, my mom SUCKS still. She just yells and expects us to help her.
      
      Give them their space. Just tell them that they should take care of the dishes, loading and unloading. It is a simple task, between the three of them, they will easily see why it is important to clean them off before they go in the dishwasher.If they are getting out of hand, just have their dad yell at them!
      
      
      Letting them have people over: as long as your 3 are trustworthy and honest, let them do what they want. My parents were the least strict out of any friends or family. Never had curfews or anything, and because of that we never had to revolt. And we ended up being the most well-behaved and were the least likely to get in trouble , in school an dout of school. As to where, when we had a babysitter come over and try to tell us to do something, they would usually end up crying and never coming back.
      
      When you try to correct us or tell us what to do, we will ALWAYS fight it and do it our own way. This rings true for most boys. And I still try to fight stubbornness, I think it is instinct and sometimes being stubborn is us just proving a point to you.  So if you tell someone to do something, and they don't like it, this WILL happen.
      
      My suggestion is, don't boss them around until you are comfortable with eachother.
      
      
      I don't know, I have a bunch more thoughts in my head, but I don't know your exact situation, so it is hard to say. If you do take one thing from this. Be their friends, not their boss. If you see resistance, it is not time.

      replyreport
      1. 82

         GmaGoldieposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you very much - many of these items I thought but hearing it helps reinforce and train me - greatly appreciate it.

         replyreport
2. 70

   Dawn Conklinposted 14 years ago

   My opinion, now I am an only child but have two girls and a step son.  I am divorced from my oldest daughter's father.  My honey has a teenage boy with his ex and we have a daughter together. My experience is that you don't want to change the rules too much from what they were.  If all of a sudden the house gets strict, they will probably rebel against you.  Lay down any rules right away tho so there is no confusion and everybody can discuss them right away.  As for dishes, just tell them the rules of the dishes.  Talk to them nicely about it and ask them if they can follow the simple rule.  Definitely let them know that rules are rules or they will walk over you thinking you are easy to push over.  It can be hard as a step parent as you don't know how kids will react to a new parent figure but I am sure you will do great!

   replyreport
   1. 82

      GmaGoldieposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      That is what I needed - I know it would be easy to delay the rules but that makes it harder later.
      
      They are headstrong and the concern for rebelling is real. 
      
      Thank you very much - very helpful!

      replyreport