Manipulative Relatives...ARGHHH!!

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   Wendi Mposted 13 years ago

   I've got a son to whom my only purpose is a "means to an end." I've got greedy/self-centered in-laws, who after 2 years of doing nothing for their mother with dementia, are now coming up north to evaluate the situation, because we've decided to use what they see as "Their Inheritance" to put mom in "Assisted Living!" And I have 2 days to go to reach my 5 year sobriety anniversary....I say "Bring it On!"

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   kirstenblogposted 13 years ago

   Congrats on the 5 year anniversary! That is quite an accomplishment!
   
   Good luck with the family! It must be a nightmare
   Just remember your real family often does not share the same blood line as you

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      Wendi Mposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Kirsten.
      
      I just feel like I'm being tested, unnecessarily, but tested no less!

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   Sherlock221bposted 13 years ago

   It is often the case that the care of an elderly relation is left to one family member, and that others only become involved when money is an issue.

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      Wendi Mposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      And that is exactly what happened in this instance.  My husband has been communicating with all 4 of his sibling since the very beginning, and up until this point, they didn't care.  Now that the money is going to be used, they care....Can't imagine why???

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   SomewayOuttaHereposted 13 years ago

   ..that's so sad isn't it Wendi...people, people, people...
   
   ..i have 'friends' who are fighting within the legal system over care for their father ...i figure now they are really fighting about money...and i don't care to listen to their 'woes' anymore...and their dad has become lost in the shuffle because it is really not about his care....
   
   
   Hey, congrats on the 5 years!

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      Wendi Mposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Someway, on the congrats.
      
      I can't, for the life of me, understand how an adult child is unable to put the needs of an ailing parent before his/her own needs...especially when it's not even their money being touched!

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   Cagsilposted 13 years ago

   Hey Wendi,
   
   Congrats on your anniversary. I don't want this to sound "condescending", but I'm very proud of you.
   
   As for the manipulative relatives? Almost all family members worry about themselves(if they have ego problems) before they worry about others. The fact that money is a factor, should show you the greed in their nature.
   
   If I were in your shoes...I would ask them why?
   
   They didn't care when money wasn't an issue, so why start now? Maybe, just maybe, you can humble them. I doubt it, but at least it's a starting place to help them self-realize their own actions.
   
   Good luck going forward.

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      Wendi Mposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Cags!  And I appreciate being "proud of," it's something I didn't often hear in my past.
      
      As far as the in-laws, my husband already told them to stay down south, unless they are prepared to help us move her into her new home.  He stated, very clearly, that there was nothing to be evaluated and it was mom's money...not theirs.
      
      We'll get through this...just a little frustrating!

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         Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         
         I just hope they listen.
         What is in her best interests is what matters, not of the family members. And, yes it is a little frustrating. My mother has many issues wrong with her and I don't expect that she will be with me much longer(1 or 2 years tops). My sister is obviously going to be a problem, which I already informed my mother about and she agreed. So, her will has specific instructions.
         
         As for putting her into a nursing home or retirement place, it isn't happening. I refuse to do so and it isn't in her best interests, because it's against her own wishes.
         
         Good luck getting through it.

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         rmcrayneposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         
         
         Good on him, and hang in there Wendi.
         
         Your son reminds me of my sister, who lives with me.  She's borderline.  Her current dope smoking buddy is a 21 yr old girl (sister is 47).  She can't grasp why I don't like having this friend at my house, and why I have no interest in getting to know her.

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            Wendi Mposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Hi RM, haven't chatted with you in a while.  Aside for your sister living with you, how have you been?
            
            My son has a lot of issues, and somehow has it in his head that moving to FL is the answer to his addiction problems...and that it's ok to burn bridges back home.  He's got a lot of growing up to do.

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               rmcrayneposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               I'm okay.  I've been doing Peds Home Health, and have recently given up my caseload to do only supervision of OT assistants.  This to give me time to prepare for the fall.  I'm going to be teaching Kinesiology lecture and lab for the OT Assistant program at one of the community colleges here.  I taught the labs last year.  Teaching lecture will be a lot more work.  I'll also be busy preparing for two sessions I will be presenting in Nov at the TX OT state conference. 
               
               How have you been?  And your folks here in SA?
               
               Good luck with your son.  My sister moved from SC to Maine many years ago, but in short order all the substance abuse issues followed. She has never grown up.  Especially lately, she reminds me of her 17-22 year old self.

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                  Wendi Mposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  I am doing fantastic.  Today is my 5 year sobriety anniversary, and 1 year of marriage anniversary also.
                  
                  My parents are still loving it in Medina, but they're actually in route to New England to spend the summer.  They should be arriving today.
                  
                  I hope to get back down to San Antonio sometime this fall, it would be nice to finally meet you when I do.

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   Moon Willow Lakeposted 13 years ago

   Congratulations on your huge accomplishment!
   
   I am sorry to hear about the family situation as it is an unfortunate one. You are doing the right thing by making sure that she is going to be well cared for. That is most definitely the most important thing as that is what is happening in the here in now (rather than what may or may not happen sometime in the future). Unless someone genuinely wants to help, I agree that they do not need to make this worse by serving their own self-interests (greed). Take care!

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      Wendi Mposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Moon Willow.

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