Your beautiful and bright teenaged daughter comes home and says, "I'm Pregnant". Your reaction would be what?
Today this issue was rampant. Our young generation enter premarital sex so early that they event knew the effect bad of their action not only in their lives but family of-course.
I would tell her everything will be ok, and we'll get through it.
Congratulations. I'm gonna be a grand parent!!! I'm so happy!!! I love you!!!
I don't know what I would do, to be honest. I think I would have a mini heart attack. I have two teenaged boys. I stress to them about being protected. One is now showing signs he maybe sexually active. I constantly nag them about it so it's drilled in their head. I've even done 'scare tactics' about them coming to me telling me. No, not a beating either. But just the fact that I will not be willing to help them if they make this mistake. This is one of my biggest fears of being a mother of a teen.
I guess I have thought about what I would really do and the end result would be I would have to accept it. I would have to support them, they're my kids Even if it's not what I wanted for either of them.
My first reaction..
1) It's her mother's fault!
My second reaction...
2) How the hell did she escape from the mountain convent where i had sent her all those years ago?
My third reaction...
3) Blame her mother again, for not giving me a son instead
My fourth reaction...
4) Kill the baby's daddy
My fifth reaction...
5) Hug her and deal with it the best we can
...not happy of course - but not the end of the world....not an easy road to travel at such a young age....
...and I would ask the question 'so how did that happen?'...and i mean, really,....'how did that happen?'
I was speechless when I found out for certain. She told me her period was late, and that was the first think that came to mind. She denied any possibility. She went on her own the next day and got a pregnancy test, and sure enough she calls me on the phone, and said "Mom, I'm 9 weeks pregnant". I was like in awe and speechless. The finer details came later cause now the cats out of the bag so now she has to start explaining. She can't deny anything at that point.
I taught her right, I never hid anything from her. She knew the birds and the bees
I even had her wearing panty liners and bras at 8 years old until it actually happened because I wanted her to get accustomed of foreign objects like those. I explained all that to her as well. It was actually a good thing because the panty liners did protect her clothing from time to time.
But I had hoped by being so above board with her, it may have promoted critical thinking and good choices.
I honestly can't say that she made a bad choice or not, because I have reservations as to what really happened.
She tells me it was consented. But I also know she is the type that doesn't like to make waves, and also believes in the code of silence within her social life, so she will lie if she thinks its needed and will prevent negative reactions.
The boy was 17 and she is 15. She was staying at her Aunts house, against my better wisdom. The boy was her cousins best friend who was also staying at the house (unknown to me for months). He drinks. So, he came home one night drunk. I asked her if she was drinking she said no she was sound asleep when he came in. She said he woke her up and started talking, and then he got behind her and did it to her. But I don't think that's how it went at all. I believe he came back drunk, but I think he found her asleep, got behind her and did this to her which is what woke her up, then to keep the atmosphere calm, she engaged in conversation afterwards, not the other way around.
I believe he took advantage of her. I also fault her Aunt for allowing this boy to stay there who wasn't even family with my 15 years old daughter.
I'm not upset with her. I do show this to her in many ways. She does understand this isn't barbies. She continues to attend school. I told her I was in her corner and will help her through school. Do not give up on her dreams.
I cry in my heart only because I know how hard it is to raise children by yourself. But I had decided to be supportive, and help her though it. I'm in for the long haul.
I just hope I am doing the right thing,.
...of course you are doing the right thing...supporting her - a babe is on the way...it won't be easy tho as you know.
...when I wrote 'how did that happen' - what i mean is 'why unprotected sex when there are so many ways to access protection? and it's not like education around sex is not available, etc. etc.'...i read the rest of what you wrote however....
...i think some teens get 'caught up in the moment' unfortunately...and adults as a matter of fact...no matter how many seeds of information are planted - unexpected pregnancies still happen....this is why 'boys' (and some men) need to protect themselves as well and not just leave it up to females - whatever the age....
I fliped at first. Read my storys about what I went through with my daughter and her baby please. You may want your daughter to read it too. My granddaugter only lived 7 weeks. Many teens do not realize what can happen when they have a baby at such a young age. It was devistating for me and my entire family.
Gina, you just carry on believing what you want to believe about how it happened.
You brought your daughter up well, but hey... these things happen and now your family is going to be given the greatest gift ever, albeit a little earlier than you'd have wished.
Like kmackey says, things could be a lot worse. Please read her story but quite how that will comfort you just now I don't know.
Perhaps it will even help you accept things a little better.
I mean, which is worse at this point
"Mom, Im an addict addicted to heroin".
"Mom, I'm going to have a baby".
Let's just hope all goes well from here on in.
Well, what do you want to do next? I'm here to help you with a plan, but we need to make one first.
Well... im a bro but im also a christian and you may not agree with me on that part but... if it happens as you say you need to get her to tell you the truth about it and what do you mean he came up behind her and did it to her?
As unpopular as it will sound, there are choices. But, if it was my child and she was pregnant from a guy she didn't really know I would point out the choices and advise abortion. This is unplanned in every sense of the word. She obviously has no clue of the consequences of actions.
If she choses to keep the child, I wouldn't give a lot of room to be a baby mama. Help her, but as a young adult. Pushing toward ensuring she has an education. Unwed motherhood is a documented step on the road to poverty. Don't let her let that happen to herself.
I know that sounds like harsh advice, but my son and his girlfriend had a child before she finished high school. He married her, and although I had little respect for her behavior that led up to it, we gave them both a home and supported them in every way we could until they finished college.
She proved herself to be what we believed in the end and the marriage ended in divorce; but by our actions she has a degree and a job and can carry her part of the financial weight of raising a child.
i can't I am reading that. It take two to make a baby!
I know. I'm exceptionally proud of my son's behavior. He stepped up to the plate and did the right thing at every turn. I wouldn't jump to judgment without benefit of facts.
Sorry I am not suggesting I know better than you, but it does take two.
In this instance, it took three. Her mother was hell bent on a teen pregnancy. She was quite disappointed when we didn't turn out to be the gold mine she was envisioning.
How odd! Are you minted or something?
No, even if you were, that's odd. No mother would wish that on her child. Accept it if it happens, maybe, but not wish it on her like a grand plan.
I don't know what minted means, but I'm probably not. True story.
Anyway, I feel for the OP. It sounds as if the environment her daughter was in that night was not right. Anyone without selective memory loss knows what teenager think about. We were all teens once. It is the responsibility of adults to ensure that, while under their roof, those thoughts are not put into action. Until they pay their own way, they can live by the rules made for children.
I wouldn't even offer a suggestion when we have mothers here who have actually lived it. their answers blow me away in that their focus is in the love of their child no matter what they do.
Excellent reply! The love of a mother for her child is infinite, no matter the circumstance,
I'd agree with the thing about not having any suggestions unless someone has lived through it. Even then, people and situations are just different. I know a couple mothers who had it happen with their teen daughter. As others as have said, when mothers love their child they work it out. It's not easy, and it's not always "pretty"; but people get through stuff stuff. The babies are born, and most of the time they're super-loved by their own mommies and grandmothers/grandparents.
A pretty common thing is that when teens have a baby that young (and the pregnancy is a high risk, so that's kind of the biggest worry until the baby's all here and safe), the young woman raised the baby with the support of her loving family (if she has one), sometimes works on getting some education when the child is little, and eventually ends up marrying a more grown-up guy when the child's a little older, and building a future and family from there.
When families are solid, strong, and loving; they have shake-ups and detours and worries - but loving families do have a way to get through shake-ups and detours and come out OK.
Not having experienced that situation myself, I know that what someone thinks she'd do, and what she'd actually do, sometimes don't turn out to be at all the same things. The one thing I think could possibly be helpful to you, Gina, might be if you knew another mother (or more) who have been through what you're now going through. They wouldn't be able to solve your problem (of course), but moms in your situation have their own kind of burden and worries (separate from their daughter or the baby). Husbands don't always even know what the mothers of teens may go through. So, I just wonder if, maybe, making sure you have a little emotional support from someone who truly may understand what you're going through might be a good idea for you.
Something that does come to mind for me, though, is that I'd want to know "what the deal was" with whether or not the story about it was true or something an uncomfortable kid "just said". I mean.. I wouldn't want to just let that ride. I think, maybe, I'd want my teen to go to a counselor "so that she could talk honestly and freely and get some solid advice about what to do/not do about the father. Maybe I'd use the angle (with my teen) that I didn't need to know details, but she needed some adult, solid, guidance about things like whether or not to aim to include the father, or keep him away, from her and/or the baby's life. Maybe I'd tell her that I'd support her whatever she did, or however she chose to deal with the father; but, because she's so young, I'd want her to have that solid guidance/"objective opinion" from a mature adult (with training and experience). I'd emphasize it wasn't to get her "help" for something like coping and "pouring her heart out". It would be to get that simple, nitty-gritty, solid guidance for her without having her feel as if she can't be completely honest about any number of the things she may not be honest about with her mother. I suppose I'd go with the angle that now there's a baby on the way there will be any number of outside professionals and other adults involved for awhile, so getting a good all-purpose counselor for the reasons mentioned might be a good place to start. She wouldn't have to go "forever" - just for enough times that would make the girl's mother feel confident that a crime hadn't been committed or else if it had been, that it would be dealt with. It wouldn't have to be a matter of "OMG, you're such a troubled kid. You need counseling." It could be the "information/solid advice for any young woman in her situation" angle.
Even if the teen said, "It wasn't a crime," I still don't think I'd be comfortable with that. I still think I'd probably want someone who wasn't me to see if s/he could get a more in-depth picture of what seemed true and what didn't. I think I'd know that I may never know (or have a right to know) a whole lot about the details/circumstances. All I think I'd care about was that I knew my daughter had some responsible adult who was trying to get a reading on whatever help, support, courses of actions, etc. should go on. (A kid shouldn't have to deal with a crime by herself; and if there was no crime, I don't think that kind of lie/suspicion should just be left to stand for any number of reasons.) BUT, having offered those thoughts... Maybe I wouldn't do those things if I were actually faced with a specific, real, situation.
If I am on the same situation in my teenage age day I guess it would be a very hard time for my parents... So I need to responsible for my own self, because sometimes we need to be careful in our early chapter of our lives.
girl was 17, and turned up pregnant.
she was in a very poor home situation, parents still in throughs of ugly divorce, moms new live in is elder sisters ex,... dads new wife is his daughters age,... complicated jacked up stuff,... she sought att. from males to make up for the bad situation at home.
she wound up pregnant in februray of 1973, in a little midwest town that would crucify her for it. her other classmates went off to kansas or california to help a sick relative for a few months,... one even had a "tumor",... yea,...a tumor.
she found herself in a unique situation,... just 30 days earlier, in january of 73, the supreem court handed down the roe v wade desc. she had a choice.
she had been offered an art scholarship and a job with hallmark greeting cards after graduation,... she could be the first in her family to go to college,...
she could leave her poe-dunk town and see the world,... have a career,... get a life,.... she had a choice,...
she choose me.
she had a text book case for abortion,... and she coose me.
my mother was 15 when she got pregnant with me, and turned sixteen by the time i was born. My father was 19. They were married had two more and adopted another throughout the years. It might have been hard on them but hey stuck through it. They are still married 42 years later.
They own a home, us kids come to visit when we can and they now have grandchildren, of which all of us kids waited till we were well into our twenties before any babies came along.
So is it terrible, it can be but if they want it and are willing to deal with the situation they can make it just fine.
Oh and nobody helped them they were on their own. My father got a job working in construction and worked his way up from carpenter, to forman. It wasnt a glorious life and sometimes he wonders where all the money went. But hey, all of us kids turned out fine. Poverty was never even a thought, they made it work. Sometimes they had to scrimp and save but never did without, nor did us kids.
My reaction was... Holy cow, I'm gonna be a grandma! And now, I have a beautiful 4 year old grandson.
It took me about 5 seconds to realize that for whatever reason, this was a planned pregnancy. We discussed options but my daughter, headstrong as always was having nothing to do with any option other than keeping her baby. She simply wanted a baby and that was that. Unfortunately, I couldn't talk her into dumping the idiot boyfriend. So, I bought them a 2-bedroom condo and they set up house together. She was 17, he was 19. But she spends more time at home than at her condo and I spend more time raising my grandson than she does, and we are both very OK with that.
I can't wait to become a grandma! I am afraid though it's not going to happen. Times are so different now. If she is bright and beautiful, without stigma of "unwed" mother she'll learn fast and will be a good mother. At least life gave her a very important lesson: know what you are doing and bear the consequences.
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