"Marriage is a thing of the past" - Why do you agree or disagree?

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   ThunderKeysposted 13 years ago

   In recent major survey, 40% of US adults and 50% of young Americans agreed with the statement: "Marriage is a thing of the past".
   
   Do you agree or disagree with this statement about the institution of marriage? What are your top reasons?

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      prettydarkhorseposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      that is just perception/views about marriage, people in fact still marry and remarry after divorce. There are advantages of being married - health, financial and emotional security.
      
      I would like to marry somebody in the future.
      
      
      http://   prettydarkhorse.hubpages.com/hub/What-are-the-benefits-we-can-get-from-being-married

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   Cagsilposted 13 years ago

   Marriage has evolved beyond the simplistic ideology that which is based on religion.
   
   Many people have realized that "marriage" or "being married" isn't an actual requirement for happiness and it's not.

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   Modern Greetingsposted 13 years ago

   Cagsil got it right; A lot of people are realizing that you don't need to be married to be happy with the person you're with.
   
   I've been with my fiance for over eight years now, and neither of us are in a big rush to get married. Why?
   
   1. Since we're just out of college, we're not yet financially stable and therefore can't even afford a wedding.
   
   2. We're content with our relationship. We don't need a marriage license and ceremony to prove we're in love.
   
   
   My concern with the state of marriage, at least in regards to the thoughts of the younger crowd, is that it's no longer a sacred vow but something more akin to getting your driver's license.
   
   Ok. I graduated highschool now I go to college. Ok, I'm  out of college now I get a good job. Ok, I have a good job, time to settle down. Ok, I've settled down, time to get married.
   
   Romantic, eh?

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   ThunderKeysposted 13 years ago

   Thank you for the great responses Cagsil and Modern Greetings.
   
   What about all the recent research that talks about how formal marriage status actually protects men, woman and kids from developing serious physical, mental and economic health problems?
   
   If the formal institution of marriage is so protective, shouldn't we protect marriage itself?

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      Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      You're welcome.
      Protects? I'm sure there are some physical, mental(emotional too) and economic health related things that could be a benefit. However, does it actually outweigh that which is also destructive from being married? Who can really determine that, considering every relationship, even on an individual friendship level is different and none are ever the same.
      Marriage has evolved as I said before and should be the right of every individual on the planet. It will remain in place as an option, but even for children, a father is still a father and a mother is still a mother, even without marriage.

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         ThunderKeysposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         You're right Cagsil, it's not about protecting marriage, but "healthy marriage".
         
         Part of why I asked these questions, is because from what I can tell of the research, a healthy marriage is very protective. That's my assumption or belief right now. So I'm asking to learn from others if my assumption is correct.

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      livelongerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      You should tell that to the right-wing Christianists whose idea of protecting marriage means excluding people who want to get married.
      
      When "protecting marriage" has come to mean legislating bigotry, then the number of people who really want the institution strengthened is much smaller than most people think.

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         ThunderKeysposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         I don't have to tell anyone anything. This thread is just about agreeing or disagreeing with the statement, why or why not. 
         
         Cagsil reminded me that what I'm interested in exploring is the extent to which healthy marriage is protective and should be protected and actively promoted so that people can benefit from it or not.

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            livelongerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            It's a figure of speech. My point is that you have a significant (and growing) segment of the population that think that marriage is outmoded. You have a significant (and, admittedly, declining) segment, probably with relatively little overlap, that think protecting marriage means limiting it to straight couples.
            
            So, if you want just an answer to your question and little tangential discussion, you might consider asking it in the Answers section of the site.
            
            I think marriage is protective in many different ways (legally and emotionally) and thus should be protected. Part of that protection involves getting as many people as possible who are willing to undertake its commitments access to it. That includes gay and lesbian couples.

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   psycheskinnerposted 13 years ago

   Link? Because marriage is clear in full existence in the present and longevity of marriage is actually going up.

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      ThunderKeysposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Psycheskinner! Welcome to another thread.
      
      If you don't mind, Lets start with your response to my presenting question. Do you agree or disagree? Why or why not?
      
      I would clarify that I'm asking about an emotionally healthy marriage.
      
      I'd also love to read your response to my earlier forum question about bullying/mobbing, given your behavioral psychology background.

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   psycheskinnerposted 13 years ago

   Stable social attachment and support is healthy.  For some this is in the form of marriage.

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      ThunderKeysposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Psycheskinner, you are one smart cookie!

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      ThunderKeysposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Does marriage increase the chances of stable social attachment and support, in keeping with the research? For example the many disadvantages to children of married vs cohabiting parents?
      
      http://www.virginia.edu/marriageproject … ummary.pdf

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         Nouveau Skepticposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         I would want to see those suggested disadvantages quantified.  I am not sure whether it matters how the commitment is formalized so long as it is harmonious and committed. Also some people find that social support in family, friends, a religious order or some other community.

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            ThunderKeysposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            I have a great link posted above for Psycheskinner. Let me know what you think. In the meantime, I'm going to read your Hub on Orbs......

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               Hollie Thomasposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               I'm afraid I'd have to be presented with other evidence, before drawing a conclusion.

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   shea duaneposted 13 years ago

   I don't know the statistics... but I know one thing for sure... if you marry the wrong person, marriage is terrible. BUT if you are lucky enough, as I am, to marry the right person (and for me it was luck), marriage is the greatest thing that could happen. I know a lot of people who have children together and live together on and off who are not married... some have happy, healthy children. Others have children who seem to feel insecure or unimportant. (I'm not a child psychologist, I admit.) I just hope that if parents decide not to marry, they find a way to let their children know that the decision is in no way a reflection on their importance in the lives of their parents.

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      ThunderKeysposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Shea Duane. It's so nice to hear that you are happily married.
      
      I agree, that the harm done to children of divorced can be reduced through proper communication with all involved. Proper co-parenting plans and supportive counseling can help too.
      
      Serious mental illness supposedly happens in a small % of the population compared to the 50% divorce rate and over 50% marital infidelity rate.
      
      In most divorces, I wonder if it's a lack of relationship skills (i.e. communication, shared problem solving etc.) that's the major problem or challenge.

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