In a healthy marriage how often should couples have sex on average, daily, weekl

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   shuck72posted 10 years ago

   In a healthy marriage how often should couples have sex on average, daily, weekly, monthly?

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   dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

   There is no "magic formula" as every individual has his or her own sex drive. Ideally the goal is to marry someone whose libido is similar to your own. Even with that later on there could be medical issues that arise or stressful events outside of the bedroom, and raising children, which may make sex the last priority for someone.
   I've read in the past that the average number of times a married couple has sex is 2-3 times per week. However I don't believe they took into account the lengths of the marriages. Another article defined a "sexless marriage" as any marriage where a couple has sex less than 12 times per year. Nevertheless it did point out that in the end all that matters is if the (couple) is happy/content with their sex life.
   Naturally if one person wants sex 4 times a week and their mate feels once a week is ideal there could be problems. Over the course of a year you'd be looking at  208 times VS 52 times. That's a long ways from being "equally yoked." Maybe it's possible they could somehow meet in the middle or the person with the lower sex drive is willing to sexually please their mate without intercourse from time to time.
   Lastly it's possible that two people are never going to be sexually compatible. Most couples during the "infatuation phase" of a relationship or "honeymoon period" appear to be (mutually) desirous of passionate sex. Sometimes after there is an "emotional investment" or "commitment" one relaxes and reverts back to their (natural) libido. The person with the higher drive will feel as though they've been duped or fell victim to a "bait & switch".
   In the end a person has to decide if sexual incompatibility is a deal breaker.
   Not long ago I posed that question on HP and 90% of people stated sexual incompatibility was NOT a good reason to end a marriage.
   However I believe if people were asked: Would you rather your mate leave you or cheat on you? Most people would in fact say they prefer their mate to leave them!
   Lots of sexually unhappy married people choose to stay and cheat.
   The underlying spirit of a “monogamous relationship” is the belief that one is “forsaking all others” (because) they have someone who is “committed” to fulfilling their sexual needs.
   No one gets married or enters into a monogamous relationship to STOP having sex! A relationship without sex is pretty much a great “friendship” and a marriage without sex is little more than being “roommates with the same last name”

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      shuck72posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for the response, very insightful.

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   WiccanSageposted 10 years ago

   I don't believe there is a 'should'... as long as both are satisfied with their sex life that should be all that matters. Some people have a higher sex drive, others have a lower sex drive. It becomes less important to some couples as they age, or if people get sick, go on medications, etc.; when you have kids and everyone is tired and busy the sex life can have its dry spells.
   
   I think it's more important that they're intimate in some way-- whether it be sex or just cuddling on the sofa watching movies, or holding hands and saying I love you freely. And if one or both are unhappy with the sex life, it's important they communicate and find a compromise.

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   AnnaCiaposted 10 years ago

   I think couples should agree about this.  Not all are the same and can reach a goal regarding their intimacies.

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   connorjposted 10 years ago

   
   
   I would conclude the answer is precisely and quite harmoniously as much as both want. Mathematically it could be represented by x and y= amount. NOTE: this is not x or y = amount. Keep in mind, one would not want to pressure their other half for something that one knows the other half does not want if they are truly in love. Yet two people in love should be an optimized unselfish state for both; thus, the spirit of love would suggest that less than once a week would be too little. If people are truly in love one could also conclude that their enjoyment together may not be centered on sex. It may perhaps be centered on spending every moment with this person either to gaze at or simply share the moment together...

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   Evaneposted 10 years ago

   Sex is not something to be forced nor be made an obligation. It is a mutual thing. It is made out of love and not lust.

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      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Agreed. However it's unrealistic to expect one's mate to "forsake all others" if they are not willing to have sex with her or him. People have sex all the time without love. Sex can be physical expression of love. However at it's core it's an urge

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      Evaneposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Why are we talking about sex when there is more to life than this. My gosh

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      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Evane, There is more to life than any (one) subject. We're talking about sex here because shuck72 asked a question about sex. Makes sense to me. Everyone has their opinion.

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