What do you do when somebody you love is in a bad situation?

1. 67

   Abbasangelposted 14 years ago

   This is about a family member, and there is elements of DA. Just non of the primary noticeable one. They even acknowledge its a bad situation but keep lowering the bar in the favour of the relationship every time, but use me as a venting veding machine.
   Recently I told them I can't talk about it more, because it makes me so mad and sad. If they are going to stay I don't want to know how really truely bad it is. But the thing is I do know because they told me.
   
   Its eating away at me and I feel powerless.
   
   Its not the same as helping people you had no prior relationship to . I can't just turn off the emotional attachment that has been cultivated over years.

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2. 0

   ssaulposted 14 years ago

   first is to sit the person down and help them to recognizing and stiffing out what go them in the bad situation, then finding ways or options to alleviate the situation but first the person got to recognize there is a problem and want help other wise you will get no where

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3. 0

   ssaulposted 14 years ago

   first is to sit the person down and help them to recognizing and stiffing out what go them in the bad situation, then finding ways or options to alleviate the situation but first the person got to recognize there is a problem and want help other wise you will get no where

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4. 66

   Joy56posted 14 years ago

   it is sometimes hard to know what to do, and hard to switch off from their problems isn't it???? What do you think you should do?

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   1. 67

      Abbasangelposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Hey Joy, I really don't know any more.  We have talked about how it is a bad situation. They acknowledge that openly.
      Recently I told her I can't keep listening and say its ok. I practice active listening and when I repeat it back to her, I get in trouble. It is how strong she said it and I just repeated it.
      A lot of the things I was doing, make it easier for this person to stay - helping out financially particularly with fun things, listening, going over on the skip of a beat, making all my days off in line with them so that we could hang out. cos part of it is the other person in the relationship spends most their time outside of the house, doing things that aren't family friendly. and a heap of other things... that I know about...
      
      Ssaul - they do acknowledge there is a problem they refuse to change things, however still use me as a venting post and I can't deal with it anymore. If the role were reversed, I'd leave - I would not be treated that badly. Never again.

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5. 66

   Joy56posted 14 years ago

   try cooling off from the person, be kind but get on with your own life, don't seek the person out, but just let them know you are busy with your own life.... They will find someone else.
   
     Be caring, but practice tough love, you know all about that, right?

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   1. 67

      Abbasangelposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Joy, Tough Love is definitely a principle I understand. Its not fun to practice at times, and at other times its so easy. But this is probably definitely one of those times. I have spent too much emotional energy on it.
      
      Boundaries... they are there for a reason! Thanks Joy!

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      1. 66

         Joy56posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         some of us really find it hard to make those boundaries..... but i think we suffer for it, sometimes we need to toughen up too.  Lets toughen up together......  Hope this situation gets better, and you can enjoy your life to the full.

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   2. 57

      Angela Nielsenposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Your right Joy, very encouraging one. Its true that you must also take care your self and be tough when it comes to love. Nowadays its really hard find your true love. Merry Christmas to all!

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6. 0

   ssaulposted 14 years ago

   merry christmas to you too, enjoy and have a festive one

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