What do you do with feelings of jealousy?

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   MissJamieDposted 11 years ago

   I'm just curious, when you have felt jealousy over a partner in your life, how have you dealt with it?
   Did you just push yourself to get over it? Did you truly realize that your loved one would never cheat on you or hurt you? Did it make you look retrospectively at your relationship even though you hadn't had to do so prior to this "other person"?  Did you think about beating the piss out of the other person? Did you imagine your mate at this other person having sexual relations? Did you rage on your partner and interrogate them about the other person? Did you actually confront the other person and rage on them?

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   knolyourselfposted 11 years ago

   I don't get jealous. When I did it was because I did not have self-confidence. Having confidence, no one holds a candle to me, I not jealous.

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      MissJamieDposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      That's awesome:) And that's the key, to love yourself. But unfortunately not everyone loves themselves, I wish everyone did.

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   knolyourselfposted 11 years ago

   The system is to buy your awesomeness. To acquire it otherwise is a lot of work requiring self-analysis, not something most people are interested in.

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4. 81

   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   Jealousy is all about believing someone does NOT love you as much as you love them.
   
   The first thing you have to do is ask yourself if your mate has said or done anything to "justify" you having your doubts. If the answer is (no) then the odds are you are dragging some past bad experiences into your present relationship.
   
   Secondly you have to determine if you are actually upset with (your mate) or are you upset with (your competition). A lot of people want to date the hottest looking man or woman around and then they become angry when they see (others) flirting with their mate or trying to get their attention.
   I've known guys that did not want their girlfriends to "smile" or be "nice" to anyone other than them! If someone has to change their (core being) in order to please you then he or she is NOT "the one" for you. Anything you have that is worthwhile there will ALWAYS be someone that will want to take your place.
   
   A company may hire you but the resumes keep pouring in! It's crazy for you to worry about other people emailing their resumes just as it would be crazy for you to worry about other people flirting with your mate. YOU CAN ONLY CONTROL YOURSELF!
   
   Your "job security" comes from the hard work and effort you put into your job. The same holds true for a relationship. If you think your mate is a liar or using you then (trust your instincts) and dump him/her.
   
   At some point you have to decide whether to trust someone or not trust them. Jealousy is a state of living in "limbo". You can't really enjoy today if you're worried about tomorrow.

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      MissJamieDposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Exactly. I also think current negative life experiences can fuel jealousy as well. When a person is struggling in any area of life and feels maybe things are a little out of control, that can fuel jealousy because they feel inferior due to bad decision-making or the like.
      
      But  you're so right. Thanks for sharing:)

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   ZipperConstantineposted 11 years ago

   I have felt jealously a few times and it is an honest emotion.  Doesn't necessarily mean you are insecure. I knew a young woman who was flirting with my husband and I will honestly admit I felt jealous.  The girl had a few drinks to many and ended up running and jumping in my husbands arms. She went to far and I let her know that her behavior was improper behavior and we left.  I have seen my husband look at beautiful women and yes it makes me a little jealous.  I have cautioned him not make it so obvious if he is going to look.  All men look some time or another some are better at it than others and some don't care.  It is part of their physical makeup, looking at beautiful, sexy woman makes them feel good.  It is up to the wife to set the boundaries and explain how it makes her feel when she sees him stairing at another woman.  Communication in marriage is essential for it to be successful.
   
   As far as jealous over suspecting your husband is cheating, that is a very natural response when there is cause and is anger.  Your first reaction is who is this person your husband is interested in.  You want to meet her to find out what he sees in her, how is she different from you.  You wonder what is wrong with you that your husband may be interested in some one else.  If this is actually happening and you know that he is cheating, make sure you know this for a fact, the problem is not yours, it is him.  If you love him and feel you can work it out you need to confront him and find out what is going on, and do so in a calm way not an attacking way.  Does he love this person; does he want a divorce or was it a one time mistake and he feels his marriage is worth saving.  That is a personal decision you will have to make and professional counseling for both of you would be a very smart idea.
   
   You cannot blame another person for the actions of your husband.  He is totally responsible for the decisions he makes.  The other person has very low moral values to become involved with a married man but this person is not married to you, your husband is.
   
   Some marriages a well worth the effort to save especially when children are involved as long as this is an isolated mistake and is not an ongoing event with other women.
   
   A husband's cheating is a betrayal of trust and loyalty.  It is up there with one the the most devastating life events you can go through, causing deep pain and sorrow and in some cases, crippling insecurity. 
   
   If you are just jealous by nature and have no facts to base your jealous on you may need professional help.  This type of behavior will destroy a good marriage!

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      MissJamieDposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I love your responses, thank you so much for your candor and honesty:) I agree with everything you said 100%.

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