Am I betraying the one I love who is addicted to ALCOHOL?

1. 52

   newsy214posted 10 years ago

   My partner has been doing better with drinking but the past couple nights he's drank a pint of booze each night. Last night was the first time he kind of lied to me about getting the alcohol. He voluntarily told me earlier that night that he wasn't going to be drinking because he felt he's done enough for the past couple days. I said great! Then later he went to go close down the pub where he works and came back saying he was going to run to the store to get food. I said okay. But he went to go get a pint of booze. He came to bed hammered. I fell in love with him knowing that he had this problem and he truly has gotten better from the point where he was buying fifths of alcohol and drinking them like water. He admits that he has a problem (told me on our first date). He tells me  "Well I don't drink vodka anymore. I'm weening myself off of alcohol." but I feel that this is denial. He needs help. His family knows he has a problem and I have talked to his sister about it here and there. She used to live with him and has tried to get him into AA but he always refused. I have been sharing updates about how he's been. It's something that he has tried to keep a secret from his family since being confronted about it by his sister the first time. Now she has requested, and I agreed, that all three of us are going to get together this weekend and talk to him about getting help. I don't want to seem like I am betraying his trust by going to his family but he has never fudged the truth to me before. Ever. Until last night.
   
   Talking to his sister about this may seem like tattling on him but she has been witness to his problem before and his family has voiced to me that they have been kept in the dark for a while and have wanted to know how he is doing with this. My feeling is I'm not going to keep this a secret from the people who love him because alcoholism is a disease just like Cancer is a disease. If he had Cancer and was struggling with that I would not keep it a secret. Same thing. Am I wrong? Am I betraying his trust by going to his sister for assistance in getting him help? His drinking has already cost him a visit to the ER some months ago. That was scary.
   
   I love him too much to let him keep going on like this and not living up to his full potential. This is a problem. I am quitting social drinking because I  just can't do this. I can't live victim to alcohol.

   replyreport
   1. 76

      Sam Montanaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I don't think you are betraying him, but I will guess he will see it that way. But in a real sense, you are trying to save his life. I knew someone that drank a lot of vodka and when he got into his 50s, he looked like he was closer to 75. He has gone to the ER so many times, they all know him like family. He still drinks and when he does, his pancreas causes him so much pain that he has to go to the ER. That is the life of someone who cannot quit drinking and it gets much worse when they get older. Not to mention, a DUI is probably next. And if that involves someone else, he could end up in jail for a long time.

      replyreport
      1. 58

         MonkeyShine75posted 10 years agoin reply to this

         He probably didn't lie to you. He probably thought he had made up his mind to quit then succumbed to temptation
         Alcohol is the only drug, that a person can die from if they quit cold turkey.
         Why should you keep it a secret when family can help. You need to share the burden with others who love him too
         I've heard that if you start seeing bruises on someone's body, it indicates a serious stage in alcoholism

         replyreport
         1. 52

            newsy214posted 10 years agoin reply to this

            He needs to work in a place where he is not surrounded by temptation either. This is so hard.

            replyreport
2. 80

   Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years ago

   You should get the family involved. If he refuses to be helped by all/any of you, you might have to figure out the future by and for yourself.

   replyreport
3. 52

   newsy214posted 10 years ago

   Thank you, everyone. He knows that his family is aware of his problem. I have made him aware that I am in open communication with them about his well-being and he accepts that. I met with his sister for lunch a couple of weeks ago and she along with the rest of his family has known about this for a long time and have been concerned for a long time. He told me the other night that he is ready to quit drinking and start attending church with me. I am along for the ride and I am not going anywhere. I will do everything in my power to keep him well. He has started exercising with me and he does have a strong desire to get healthy again.
   
   I know what it is like to struggle with an addiction.

   replyreport
4. 52

   newsy214posted 10 years ago

   My BIG concern (as well as a concern that his family has) is that he works in a pub. We don't know how he is going to quit drinking while working in place where he is surrounded by alcohol. He makes really good money and that's his concern about quitting that job is how else is he going to get another job when he's been in this business for over 5 years and make the same kind of money? I told him that he doesn't have to make as much money. We will acclimate to him making less. I am working toward a job making better money, myself.

   replyreport