If you could change the age at which you had your child/children, would you?

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   lilmissmontanaposted 11 years ago

   If you could change the age at which you had your child/children, would you?
   
   I had my child at 21 years old, and I love her more than anything in the world, but there are times I think I'm missing out on a large part of growing up. My mom didn't have children until she was 30 and she said she wouldn't change a thing because she got everything out of her system before hand... Would you change the age you had children at, especially if your child was unplanned?
   
   

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   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   I had my first child at 30 and the second at 33. No I would not change that. We were married almost 11 years when she was born and we both feel we were ready to settle down at that point and enjoy raising kids--which we did.

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      lilmissmontanaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I think if I would have been more responsible, we would have waited until we were at least 25-26. But now that she is here, I wouldn't trade her for the world. It makes things hard at our age, but it's well worth it.

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   Nell Roseposted 11 years ago

   I had my son at 19 and I wouldn't have changed the age I had him for anything. The reason why is because my mum had me when she was 41 years old, and my gran had my mother at 37. To me this was a huge gap, and I really felt that I missed out on having my gran and my mother when they were young, or younger in the case of my gran. I lost my gran when I was 12, and my mum when I was in my late 30s. I am only 19 years older than my son, and can enjoy so much more with him, than if I had had him later, so no I would not have changed my age.

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      lilmissmontanaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      That a beautiful way to look at it. My greatest fear is losing my parents.

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      Nell Roseposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks so much for selecting my answer, glad you liked it.

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      lilmissmontanaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Your welcome. Thank you for answering so honestly

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   reserve27posted 11 years ago

   I don't have any children, but my mom had be at 19.  I'm financially and emotionally not ready for children, but I do love kids.  I would like have a child around 32 or 33.  I need my last two years of my mid 20s. LOL. just 27 in loving it.

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      lilmissmontanaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I think its perfect for some people to wait. My mom loved having kids in her thirties bit i think it just depends on where u are in life and what u want to accomplish.

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      reserve27posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I agree. I have friends with children maybe age 25 with 2-4 kids. Struggling and cousins too.

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   Abby Campbellposted 11 years ago

   I had just turned 20 when I had my first child, and my child's father and I split soon afterward. I wish I was more mature and financially stable before I had her for sure. I married my current husband at 24 and had more babies at 25 and 27. I was definitely ready by my second child. However, current situations are what they are. The only thing we can do is look for the best in all situations. If you feel you are missing out on something and it conflicts with raising your child, my advice would be to figure what is more important to you. There is nothing more precious than life, and your sweet little baby is counting on you. It's not only a blessing to her to have you, but she is a huge blessing for you as well. Nothing is more important than that bond.

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      lilmissmontanaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      My child by far the most important thing in my life. It's more for her sake that I say I missed out because I want to be the best and most mature mom I can be. I think if I would have waited I would have known more

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      Abby Campbellposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You will be a GREAT mom. You've expressed your love and interest for her, and that shows maturity. It would be nice for young moms to know more, but sometimes older (more mature) moms miss out too because they are set in their ways.

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   JamiJayposted 11 years ago

   I became pregnant with my daughter at the age of 20 and gave birth to her two weeks before my 21st birthday. I have struggled with growing up and becoming a mature and responsible adult/human being my entire life, and that struggle is consistent even through motherhood. I would not change the age I had her because if it wasn't for her I would be stuck in a poor life and would have continued to make poor decisions and hang out with negative people, because of my daughter I was forced out of the negative lifestyle I was living because I knew that my daughter was better than that and deserved nothing but the best. I have grown a lot, learned how to balance my life, and have become the best person and mother that I never thought I could be. My daughter is my light in the dark and whenever I am feeling down she always puts a smile on my face. I know that I was meant to have her when I did and I would never wish that away. Being a young mother doesn't mean you have to miss out, it just means you have to find a balance between motherhood/parenthood and all the fun you still desire to have. The balance is very difficult to find, but you cannot be the best mom/parent unless you know who you are and who you want to become.

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      Abby Campbellposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Great answer, JamiJay!

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   wychicposted 11 years ago

   I had my first at 19, my second at 24 and the third at 26 (and I'm at the ripe old age of 27 now ). One part of me says that I would definitely wait on my first if I had it to do over again, namely because I didn't take the time to truly appreciate the time I had with him as a baby. That said, I wonder if I ever could have realized that until after I had my first, regardless of the age. If I'd waited longer, it may have just given me more excuses to stay in an unhappy relationship, as my son is the factor that finally pushed me to make a better life for me and my family.
   
   All of the growing up I did between his birth and now would have been nice to have first, but I honestly don't know that it could have happened without the experiences I went through to get here. As is, my son pushed me to find a happy, loving relationship with someone who would be a good father and husband. He pushed me to create my own business, allowing me to stay home with him instead of having a daycare raise him while I had to work. Now I'm still young, I'm still energetic, and he's old enough that we can have long, insightful conversations together. At 7, his reading skills are such that we can read books that interest both of us, and then discuss them. I'm really enjoying teaching him how to type and how to write well, and then turning around and playing sports with him. The other two are far enough from him in age that I've learned a lot of valuable things from him that I can now apply to raising his younger siblings, too.
   
   So...yeah, it might have been easier if I'd had him later in life. I might also have been stuck on a specific career path or some track that I'd be too far down to change so easily when his needs became clear. Looking back, despite some drawbacks, I'm glad that things happened when they did. Did I miss out? Maybe, but not on anything that I'll actually miss.

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      lilmissmontanaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      It sounds like things worked out for the best, which is all that matter. Congratulations on your family!

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   Mklow1posted 10 years ago

   I know you asked this a long time ago, but I just stumbled across it and thought it was an interesting question. I had my children at 35 and 36 and even though I feel this was my time to have them, there is almost never a day that goes by where I don't wish I had children sooner, so in a way, I guess I would change my age.
   
   As for needing time to grow up, I am not so sure that is the most important factor in maturing. I think it is experiences that make you grow up, and not just time. At 35, I was still immature in my thinking and acting, but after having my children, I have a different point of view and also a different approach to making choices (both better).
   
   I think if someone dwells on what might have been, they might miss out on what is going on, so my advice is to enjoy every day and live like there is no tomorrow.
   BTW, has your point of view changed any in the last 11 months since you posted here?

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