Is there one suggestion you have on how to begin to recover after sudden loss of

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   pstraubie48posted 10 years ago

   Is there one suggestion you have on how to begin to recover after sudden loss of a family member?
   
   The stages of grief are abundant and manifest themselves in each of us different but if you have endured this kind of loss you may have some special thoughts. . Just  wondering if some of you have experienced a sudden unexpected death of a loved one can share your way of helping your loved ones to handle that loss. I am beginning that journey to recovery myself.
   
   

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   Faith Reaperposted 10 years ago

   Hi precious friend please, please take time to grieve 2) take one day at a time 3) find comfort in your faith (can offer great solace) and place of worship 3) have quiet reflection 4) cry 6) make room for laughter, it is okay 7) find healing in art, music or storytelling 8) communication is key, check with other family members to see what they are needing, and do not forget about yourself, talk to other family member and friends and let them know what you are experiencing and what your needs are too 8) maybe later get involved in social service to others 9) I believe there is something called "The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting" that takes place annually, especially during holiday.  The main thing is to be careful with yourself, and take one day at a time and know that you are loved.
   
   God bless, Faith Reaper

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      Faith Reaperposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I'm sorry, I just realized you ask for just one suggestion.  God bless.

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   Souther29posted 10 years ago

   Please don't think me strange in my response to this one but 2 years ago my amazing cat I had the joy of growing up with, died at the age of 17. She was completely and utterly part of the family and got her when I was 9 years old. The worst bit was that when we were on holiday we put her in a trusted cat's home (the normal one we have used for years to make sure she was well looked after) and came back afterwards to the news she had died.
   
   It shocked me completely. I felt a lot of anger (entirely misplaced) at the cat's home, shock, sadness and was probably the most upset I have been in my life. It's really hard to be honest and in all honesty I have a lovely picture of her in my flat and remember the awesome times we had together.
   
   I visit her grave often and speak to her. I sometimes dream about her too which I always enjoy and we're playing together like the old days. Remembering all the good times helps me and time does heal a bit. I've got some video's and pictures that my family took over the years and that I have on my computer so sometimes watch/look at these. Makes me sad a little writing this but the ways I try and deal are: Remembering the good times spent, reminiscing with my family, looking at old photo's and videos as well as knowing she is at peace and eventually I will see her again and maybe even dream I'm playing with her again.

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   bac2basicsposted 10 years ago

   Dear pstraubie. 
   I am so very sorry for your loss and please extend this to all who have been affected. 
   I think denial will be with you all for some time as it was a sudden and unexpected death. 
   All you can really do is support each other and realise that there was nothing anyone could have done differently to prevent this, and accept any thing and everything that grief throws at you as " Normal for now" .  And take each day as it comes.
   When my husband died I needed to go and see my GP as I suffer from anxiety and depression from time to time and knew I needed some help to get through his passing, I was on medication for 2 years and it helped me keep going. Please don´t be afraid to ask for help in this way if you feel you need it. It didn´t  stop me grieving, but it did stop me becoming immobile and unable to function due to anxiety and depression.   
   I know a lot of people will poo poo the idea of tranquilization but in my opinion if a pill a day keeps you going...take the pill.
   I also leaned on those of my family and friends who empathized with what I was going through and steered clear of those who didn´t.
   You will know that I believe our loved one´s never really leave us and they are with us in spirit always. Again not everyones belief but it´s a comfort if you can accept this even in a small way.
   
   My thoughts and love are with you all.

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   duffsmomposted 10 years ago

   Grief is a very difficult thing to experience and the first key to surviving it, in my opinion, is patience. Time will be the ultimate healer for this loss.  One of the biggest lessons I learned in losing family members is that feelings of grief ebb and flow.  At one moment you will feel as if you cannot go on because the pain is so horrible--but hang on as it will lessen. Then you will have moments where you feel you can bear and it isn't quite so severe.  It will come and go. Be aware that when it is horrible and you can barely breath, it will get better.
   
   At some point, depending on who you have lost, you will begin to feel things again, enjoy the sunshine, have a happy moment or two.  Time and patience are the keys to surviving these horrible losses.

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   johnr54posted 10 years ago

   I have experienced the sudden loss of my husband, father of 5, with two of my children still at home.  The best advice I can give you is to take things at your own pace.  If you want to cry all day, do it.  If you want to sit outside, do it.  If you want to go out with friends, that's what is right for the moment.  You will have months and months to do all the things that are necessary, but for the first months, you have to let your body rest, your mind get used to your situation, and concentrate on taking care of your children.  Do not allow outsiders or even some friends, to tell you you "should be over it by now" or where you should be.  Follow your heart.

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   edhanposted 10 years ago

   I can understand how you felt as when I lost my parents, it was hard blown and total loss of what to do. Being a Buddhist, I understand that life & death is part of the cycle. As time passes by, I learn to let go and accept the fact.

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   cynthiaalburo0322posted 10 years ago

   Loss ... We have two deaths in the in the same year, my father and my brother and not literally loss in death but loss of nephews and nieces the children of my sister we cannot see them because someone took them away from us. To alleviate the pain, we must console those who needs consoling, the one who have wore our shoes. It came a time when I was asking God, why He allowed to die my father... I was praying and crying all the time and then an answered came to me while I was praying... "I AM YOUR FATHER" out of nowhere I've got my answer.. I felt I was cheated leaving me behind many worries to the children of my brother.... But now I know God is alive and never will forsaken us.

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      johnr54posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      A very powerful answer.  May you continue to receive His blessings.

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   Sarra Garrettposted 10 years ago

   I am so sorry for your loss, it's so hard when you loose a loved one!  I lost my father and sister in 8 days of each other.  My beloved sister was more of a shock.  I don't think I'll ever get over never seeing her again but I do have many dreams of her and I know she has visited me a couple of times.
   
   I keep her dearly in my heart and it's so hard.  My comfort is that she is looking out for me and when things go bad I know she's kicking me in the butt.  Keep the memories alive always.  On her birthday I get a mylar helium balloon and write a note on the back of it and send it up to heaven for her birthday card.  My brother decorates his bay window in lots of lights for Christmas so she can see it from Heaven. 
   
   I cope by making my decisions based on what my sissy would say to me, but nothing really makes it any easier not even time.

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    savvydatingposted 10 years ago

    I am truly very sorry for your loss. I can only say what not to do: Try not to isolate yourself. That is not to say you should be around others every minute, but if you have some close friends or animals, you might spend time with them each week, especially in an outdoor setting. Nature has healing qualities, so it is best to take advantage of them. Those who love you want to help, so reach out to them from time to time. Again, I am so sorry you have to go through this. Sometimes sorrow brings out a depth in us we did not realize we had... but that is little consolation when we are steeped in pain...

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