Do you know a clean joke you wouldn't mind sharing with the rest of us?
I enjoy laughing as much as the next guy. So if you have a good (clean) joke to pass on to the rest of us I'm sure many would like to hear it. So now I hope we can all sit back and get ready to laugh.
Q: What does a vegetarian zombie eat?
A: "GRAAAAAAIIIINS!"
Doctor: Ah! Your cough sounds much better today!
Patient: Thank you doctor! I have been practicing for the whole night!
A pastor decided that his "church" building needed a coat of paint to spruce up the look of the place. He thought a nice coat of paint might draw in more to come to the building. Since there were no volunteers to do the job, the pastor had to do it himself. As he started to paint, he realized that the one can of paint he had would not get the job done. He got some buckets of water and thinned the paint enough to cover the entire building. The pastor spent all day painting. That night it rained hard and washed all the fresh paint away. When the pastor saw what had happened, he cried out to God is discouragement, "Why God, why God did you let it rain washing all my hard work down the drain?" God thundered in reply, "Repaint, repaint and thin no more!"
An old farmer once bought a preacher's team of horses and wagon.
The preacher told the farmer, "To get the horses to go, you have to say "Hallelujah" and to get them to stop, you have to say "Amen". So the old farmer purchased the horses and got on his way.
The horses were galloping just fine but the old farmer saw a cliff up ahead but he could not remember the word the preacher had told him to stop the horses and wagon.
"Je...Heaven...no prayer...that's it! AMEN!" the farmer shouted.
The team of horses stopped just in the nick of time.
"HALLELUJAH!" The farmer exclaimed.
I first learned that joke in 1964. It's an oldie but goodie.
BuffaloGal1960- I,too, heard this one many years ago. But for others it may be the first time. Thanks.
I suppose I would fall back on the 2 jokes rated as the worlds best.
1. Sherlock Holmes & Dr. Watson decided they needed a vacation and set out to go camping.
It was around 3am when Sherlock shook Watson and woke him.
"What's going on Sherlock?" Watson yawned.
"Watson, look up and tell me what you see?"
"Well I see the heavens above us." Watson answered.
"But tell me exactly what you see?" Sherlock demanded.
"I see the stars, the planets and the moon. I see that it is truly a most magnificent night with not a cloud in sight. Perfect in fact!" Watson replied.
"And seeing all of this what is your deduction?" Sherlock queried.
"Well I suppose I would say that our lord has given us the greatest gift and further blessed us with the ability to comprehend and appreciate it all." Watson paused.
"So tell me Sherlock, what do you see and from it what do you deduce?"
"Watson; someone has stolen our tent!"
2. Two good ole boys in their later years decide to go hunting.
They are hiking up the side of a hill when one suddenly clutches his chest and collapses.
The second man pulls out his cell phone and calls 911.
"911 emergency services what is your emergency" The dispatcher answers.
"I need help my friend has collapsed, I think he has had a heart attack!"
"OK sir how is his breathing? Can you take his pulse for me?" the dispatcher asks.
"He doesn't seem to be breathing at all and I can't feel any pulse at all!" is the panicked reply. "In fact I think he must be dead and I don't know what to do."
"OK sir try to keep calm. The first thing you have to do is make sure that he is dead."
"Well alright, if you say so."
The dispatcher listens waiting for a response.
There is a pause and some rustling sounds followed by a loud gun shot.
"Now what?"
by Jackie Lynnley 11 years ago
Do you have a beauty secret you wouldn't mind sharing with your friends?A great one in winter for dry chapped hands is to lather on vaseline, put on rubber gloves while doing some housework at least one-half hour and you have baby bottom smooth hands! So how about sharing yours?
by Chris 11 years ago
Which fictional character do you wish were true?
by Glenn Stok 11 years ago
I think it would be useful to have a column added to the statistics page that shows the total number of shares for each hub (Tweets and Facebook likes). There is not enough room to add two columns. So this could be a sum of all tweets and all Facebook likes in one column labeled "Shares"....
by glmclendon 12 years ago
If you see your pastor with another man(as with a woman)should you do what?
by Beth Perry 9 years ago
How would Sherlock Holmes have responded to this?There is a popular saying people use when hearing someone make an absolutely needless observation: "No sh*t, Sherlock?". How do you think Sherlock Holmes would have responded to this remark if say Watson had uttered it?
by Jim Miller 11 years ago
Who is your favorite sidekick?Sherlock had his Watson. Roy had Pat. Spin and Marty had Moochie whether they wanted him or not. If you could have anyone you wanted as your sidekick, who would it be?
Copyright © 2024 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. HubPages® is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website.
Copyright © 2024 Maven Media Brands, LLC and respective owners.
As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.
For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy
Show DetailsNecessary | |
---|---|
HubPages Device ID | This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons. |
Login | This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service. |
Google Recaptcha | This is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy) |
Akismet | This is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Google Analytics | This is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Traffic Pixel | This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized. |
Amazon Web Services | This is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy) |
Cloudflare | This is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Hosted Libraries | Javascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy) |
Features | |
---|---|
Google Custom Search | This is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Maps | Some articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Charts | This is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy) |
Google AdSense Host API | This service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Google YouTube | Some articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Vimeo | Some articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Paypal | This is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Login | You can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Maven | This supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy) |
Marketing | |
---|---|
Google AdSense | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Google DoubleClick | Google provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Index Exchange | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Sovrn | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Ads | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Unified Ad Marketplace | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
AppNexus | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Openx | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Rubicon Project | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
TripleLift | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Say Media | We partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy) |
Remarketing Pixels | We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites. |
Conversion Tracking Pixels | We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service. |
Statistics | |
---|---|
Author Google Analytics | This is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy) |
Comscore | ComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Tracking Pixel | Some articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy) |
Clicksco | This is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy) |