When someone says "you've changed" can it only mean you have stopped living your

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   threekeysposted 7 years ago

   When someone says "you've changed" can it only mean you have stopped living your life their way?
   
   How do you see it?
   
   

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   gmwilliamsposted 7 years ago

   
   
   Sometimes when others remark how one has changed, it means that the person has changed & evolved for the better.  Such a person has become more positive regarding his/her lifestyle development.   This person has adopted a new, wider paradigm for his/her life.
   
   To some people, when they remark how one has changed, it means that they can no longer manipulate the person into their negativistic or limiting paradigm as to how to do things.  Such people view this person as threatening to their order of things as if the latter change, h/she no longer may wish to associate w/them so in order to have "unity", they may squash this person's evolvement.   They want the person to be stagnant, even toxic w/them as misery loves company.

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Interesting points Grace. Thank you!

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   Cissy1946posted 7 years ago

   I don't think it means you've stopped living your life their way, you've just stopped living your life the way they're used to seeing you live it. I believe the events of our lives change us daily. Usually the changes are small and over a long period of time so anyone around you wouldn't notice, just as you probably don't notice the changes in them. But if something happens to you that is of a life changing magnitude then the changes in you will probably be very noticeable. With luck, the changes are positive.

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I have friends that are still friends now after being at secondary school. I admire them because it enhances your feelings of safety and security. I wanted that but that didn't happen. And in part that is good. Because life is about changing.

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   Kathleen Cochranposted 7 years ago

   Sometimes their buffer has just been removed.  I saw this when my father-in-law died and again when my mother died.  Both of their spouses seemed very different.  But it was just that no one was there any longer to dilute their basic tendencies - or to protect the rest of us from them.

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      That must have been hard to take...

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   ezba29posted 7 years ago

   We won't change its just our way of behaviour. Our internal character won't change like helping mind, kind heart , boldness, affectionate ...
   
   Person will be growing from children  till death.  It's not like if we become adults we have grown up it depends on our life experience. Everyone have their own expectations and way of thinking.  So how we adopt to climate in particular place we will adopt ourselves based on the situation. This adoption may be feel as change.
   
   Situation decide our behaviour so if people say that you are changed its sometimes they may be jealous about you or they are happy for you.
   
   For example Some person may be having stage fear in school days but now that person may become good speaker and successful one in that field this may consider as change by school friends.
   
   Whatever may be person change only because of their circumstances so everyone should live their own life not to think about others. Outside people are only to give comments but they won't live our lives.

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      So...you feel it is best to focus on our lives rather than dabbling or interfering in other lives? That sounds good but sometimes challenging for some.

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   dashingscorpioposted 7 years ago

   
   
   It's possible you stopped wanting the same things or changed views.
   When couples in relationships for example first get together they're on the "same page" for just about everything! During the "infatuation phase" both people bend over backwards to impress one another. The word "no" is seldom if ever used and both people make it a top priority to see that the other person is happy. This causes people to feel they're "soul-mates".
   After there is an "emotional investment" or "commitment" established many people feel it's safe for them to (relax) and reveal their "authentic selves".
   A "die hard romantic" may discover their mate really isn't into romantic gestures beyond an initial courtship. In fact they may call this "normal".
   From the romantic's point of view their mate {stopped} doing all the things that caused them to fall in love with them.
   It's been said men marry women hoping they will never change and women marry men hoping they will change over time. Maybe they're both unrealistic.
   In other instances you might have a friend you grew up with and they stayed in the same town after graduating from high school. You on the other hand went off to college, traveled around the world,  accumulated a diverse number of friends and acquaintances in addition to having countless other experiences.
   When you do come "home" to visit family it's no surprise if your old friend feels like you "changed" because you have!
   When our experiences are vastly different from another we start to have less in common with old friends and family members.

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Great points...

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   fpherj48posted 7 years ago

   ThreeKeys.....I would guess we have all been told, "You've changed." at least once by someone in our life.  If the person who had made that comment does not add their reason for saying it, this can lead us to assume any number of things:
   It's always possible that person's "perception" of you is different at a certain time under particular circumstances.  Perhaps we truly have changed in some drastic way, intentionally, for our own personal reason & can be pleased that it's noticeable.  It's also quite possible the person saying you've changed is in fact the one who has changed but unwilling to admit this.
   In any case, if that comment is something you feel the need to understand, it would require further discussion and some questioning.  For one thing, exactly what about you do they see has changed?  Your appearance?  attitude?  behavior?  beliefs?
   Hopefully, as we move through life we all change by growing, learning & discovering new and different aspects of the huge world around us.  I firmly believe we are different today than we were just yesterday and will be different again tomorrow and all days to come.
   We're not programmed robots, thank goodness.  We have every opportunity and quite often good reason to change our minds on any topic we can name.  People can change, do change and certainly there are some things we should want to change about ourselves, our lives and things we may have believed for years.
   If we feel in our heart that the changes we've made are to our benefit and that of those in our life, it can only be positive.  As for "why" someone may mention to you that you've changed.....that's pretty much for them to explain.

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Intense and comprehensive. Thankyou Paula.

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   tamarawilhiteposted 7 years ago

   I read it as "you don't meet my expectations", but the problem is their expectations, not how I've lived my life.

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Yes it can be definetely be that!

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   josephinesmith12posted 7 years ago

   no i dont think so it means that you have stopped living your life their way but it may be as simple as you just have changed some the things you usde to do regardless the fact that those were their way or not.simply you got changed.neither you were living your life their way before nor now.

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Yes I see...thankyou Josephine:)

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