Is it programmed in our DNA to be people-pleasers?

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   Gina Welds-Hulseposted 7 years ago

   Is it programmed in our DNA to be people-pleasers?
   
   

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   Ericdierkerposted 7 years ago

   That darned nature verses nurture problem. I think that being youngest of six that I got a whole lot of it taught and pounded into my psyche. But I must believe that I was predisposed somehow also. So in essence I think it is. My cancer is a similar thing. Docs are pretty sure that genetics plays a huge part in determining who gets cancer. But in my case, at least our government has decided that large doses of radiation causes mine.
   We don't live in a vacuum.

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      Gina Welds-Hulseposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, the question of nature versus nurture does come into play here.  I did not think about that.
      
      I was listening to a radio program yesterday, and the question popped into mind as to whether we were born wanting to please, or do we become so.

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   dashingscorpioposted 7 years ago

   
   
   I don't think so.
   Most people who consider themselves to be "people-pleasers" do what they do because (they want/need to be loved, valued, or accepted by others). They fear saying "no" or being disliked.
   What they're doing is usually not purely altruistic.

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      Gina Welds-Hulseposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I believe that we are born with the desire to be loved and nurtured.  As a baby we want to be held and cared for. As we grow older is it there because of DNA or choice, taking into account that our cells change frequently..different people from birth

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   word55posted 7 years ago

   Apparently, yes. We are apt to please one another. We desire attention. We desire to be loved. Therefore, we desire to please others to be loved and pleased in return. It's in our dna, it's in our blood. It's in our hearts like a running flood.

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      Gina Welds-Hulseposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      According to science our DNA constantly changes.  Our cells change many times over our life time.  Hence...is it DNA or choice?

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   manatita44posted 7 years ago

   No, but if you take re-incarnation into account, then yes. This is not our first and may not be our last lives, depending on Realisation and the propensity of the Soul.
   
   We acquire this need for self-esteem; this desire to be loved and appreciated over several lifetimes. In that sense we are very much like the child. The christian mystics call this self-love.
   
   It is not a bad thing Gina, and you should embrace it lovingly, and work with it. Many of our isolations, insecurities and loneliness springs from desire, craving, grasping... depending on which books you read. Still, without desire we would be like stagnant pools, or like me, sitting on a bridge in the Caribbean, heckling the girls, but going nowhere.
   
   Actually, being people-pleaser burns us out a lot! There are those who cannot live without having friends round for expensive meals every other week! But again, let us look at this thing holistically. We cannot move faster than Grace, and we are where we are at any given moment. Desire will eventually push us to the life of aspiration... seeking. Life is a process of growth and we are all sojourners.
   
   A lot here, my sweet Gina. Self-love is really a cry for fulfillment, just that we look outside ourselves, rather than inside. Be gentle, accept, pray, choose your friends wisely and perhaps most of all ask for fortitude and mental strength. The final piece of wisdom is that nothing happens without the Will and Grace or mercy of Heaven. Nevertheless, self-effort is necessary. They are twins. Be patient, serve, Love, but from a position of strength. if you do not have, you cannot give. Love you.

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      manatita44posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Gina. Appreciated.

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   tamarawilhiteposted 7 years ago

   We are a social species, and those who can't build social networks of friends and allies rarely had surviving children.
   Being ejected from the tribe might not kill you, but it was usually a genetic death.

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      Gina Welds-Hulseposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      This definitely needs some development...interesting thought.  Yes, as a social species, we need people.  However, how much of ourselves do we lose if we constantly "please people?"  Where do we draw the line but still avoid "genetic death."

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