Help, I need advice about how to help,a teenager who lives in my home.

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   Terrielynn1posted 7 years ago

   Help, I need advice about how to help,a teenager who lives in my home.
   
   What can I do help them. I am not thief parent but want to help. Being a teenager is hard enough. How can I make it easier for them to see their though these difficult years?

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   simplehappylifeposted 7 years ago

   It's hard to suggest any ideas when we don't know exactly what the situation is that this teen has and is going through at the moment...
   
   We're raising a teen and that alone is not easy.  It certainly is a delicate balance between giving enough space for them to grow and discover who they are while supplying the right amount of structure and limitation that suits their level of maturity and growth.  They are going through a very confusing time.  Part kid, part growing young adult (then throw hormones in on top of it all).  It can be incredibly conflicting for them to make rational, logical, and well-balanced choices.  You want to be able to gently guide them in a positive direction, but not tell them what to do (otherwise, you risk pushing them away rather quickly). 
   
   lol...I feel for you...it's a daily challenge

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      Terrielynn1posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you, SA. IAM THE GRANDMOTHER. but your words do help. It was a general question because I don't want to break any privacy. I already raised my children, but the situation is different then what iam used too. But I will not give up.

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      simplehappylifeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      You're Welcome   Wishing you the Best <3

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   ChristinSposted 7 years ago

   There's not really a clear answer to this question without specifics, but the key thing I think is if you are a guardian to this child - be a role model and be "parental" - not a friend. 
   
   A lot of problems with teens happen when they don't have someone who exercises authority.  I believe it's important to form strong, proper boundaries first.  This way the child knows a sense of stability. 
   
   The second thing would be to take an interest, offer support and to encourage them to develop healthy interests.  Discourage obviously bad behaviors (drugs, smoking etc) but also discourage "escapism".  That has been the battle with my teen son and I.  He would be quite content to waste all his free time playing video games - so I had to limit that and insist that he takes up outside interests that help develop character and even skills he can take forward.
   
   He joined after school clubs to learn programming - so now he can build a video game rather than just play them.  That's a skill he can use in adulthood also. 
   
   I was a troubled teen, and the one thing I really lacked was structure and boundaries.  Teens need that no matter how hard they push back.  I would have made less poor choices if someone had stood up to me or cared enough to parent properly even when it was hard. 
   
   Also, if this is a troubled teen, get them into some form of counseling to help them deal with whatever underlying problems there might be.

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      Terrielynn1posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you. I try and it's hard. You give very good advice. They seem to struggle more then I did. I have already implemented some of the same things. I should be on the right track. Keep on keeping on I think I have this. Trying to keep confidence.

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      ChristinSposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      It's just hard with teens - sometimes you just have to close your eyes and hope for the best! I'm sure you'll do fine, you're taking an interest and seeking advice which is more than many parents even do.  Good luck!

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   fpherj48posted 7 years ago

   Terrie.....I can understand your desire to maintain confidence and privacy for a grandchild.  Naturally, knowing just a bit more of the situation, makes  giving advice a bit more helpful.... But to respect your intentions, I'll do my best.
   Frankly Terrie, a teen is a teen, whether your very own or "borrowed" from one of your adult children.  I realize many things change from one generation to the next, but we're still talking about one child-one supervisory adult, who has been through the experience already.  I am not sure you need to feel it's that much more difficult or different.
   If you can look at it from that perspective, you may be able to relax a bit and be the parent you already know you can be.  Spending quality time and having mature discussions (not talking down to him/her) and trying to remain upbeat & positive, are very vital things to focus upon.  Teens seriously want (need) to be heard and know that their feelings are normal and that you validate them.  You can also be comfortable being quite "matter-of-fact" when speaking about right & wrong, acceptable and unacceptable, moral and immoral  ways of behaving and of looking at the world.  Sharing some of your own experiences and incidents as a teenager always goes over well with them.  If you can help them to see YOU as having been one of them....this gives them some comfort as well.
   Keep your expectations of him/her realistic but on the "high" side and let them know you are just a reach away for assistance  when things get tough.  Stress their education and encourage their creativity and talents (even if they seem a bit silly to you now)  Give him/her responsibilities in your home and hold them accountable.....praise/reward  Or correct & teach when called for.  Make it as easy on yourself as possible without seeming unattached.
   
   I have faith you will do a fine job.  That you have sought advice is a plus to begin with.  This tells me where your heart and dedication are.  So, Gram...you can do all that you feel is necessary and add some creative ideas to see how it works with this particular child.  Keep your eyes and ears fully open, wear a smile and try not to panic.  While this is universally a rough spot, it passes.  The idea is to make it out alive and sane while the teen walks away with a strong sense of the world around him/her and enough confidence to challenge himself to be successful.
   I wish you much luck and a very good outcome.

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      Terrielynn1posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Paula. You are a very wise women. I'll keep going in right direction and pray for the best. Life marches on and I'll work at it. Have a great day.

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