My boyfriend and I have recently broken up three days ago after a 2 year and 7 month relationship. He says he is stressed and doesn't really know what to think/feel. The stress is from our best friend dying with cancer and some people who are giving him crap for various reasons. It's just a variety of things that are making him stressed right now. But anyway... I haven't contacted him since the break up and we did decide to be "friends". I mean, he says he still loves me and always will and that he still wants to talk every day. I mean to me... That seems like he doesn't know what he wants. He didn't really give a valid reason to why he was breaking up. But then at 11 p.m. last night, he calls. I don't pick up, going with the old "no contact" advice, and I guess it's already been working! He immediately contacted me on Facebook after I didn't pick up and made small talk first about what was going on. He then invited me to go to the beach with him the next day. I told him I couldn't go for various reasons, and he was disappointed. I mean, I love him and would like to get back. If it's true about most break ups being reversed, or having the potential, shouldn't mine be EASILY reversable? The evidence is all there. We still love eachother and care for eachother, love being with eachother in person, have SO much in common, don't fight, etc... I mean we do live an hour away and I know that was adding to his stress since he talks about it often... What do you guys think? I would love to know!
If his inclination was to walk away from you in times of crisis, then you are surely not destined to be together. Imagine you were married? Life has ups and downs, and sadness and death, that is part of life we have to accept. So if you were married, your husband isn't going to much support to you, is he? Just walk. Tell him he is welcome back when he grows up.
Well, that's why I said I don't think he knows what he wants. It seems like the situation is more of a "break" than a "break up". He said he just needs to clear his head, but he still loves me and always will. And then contacting me only two days later? I mean... This is a person who I have talked to everyday for the past 2 and a half years.
He is very caring, loving, and sweet and I just hope whatever he is going through will be worked out by him coping with it....
I just want to know what the best way of going about getting him back would be... Contact or no contact?
give him time and space- he is just a bit confused and taking it out on your relationship- just let it blow over and act as normal- neither of you are perfect so just enjoy
In a word..... NO.
So use this opportunity to move on and stop counting the days as they pass
Well, what I'm really wondering is if he's already turning back around. Like, does it seem like he's already starting to miss me or wants to be back together?
But, you are missing the underlying point to the relationship?
The biggest keys to making a relationship strongest is to implement 3 things - trust(100%)(any doubt will plunged your relationship down a spiraling path), honesty(you two have to be completely honest with each other), and communication(regardless of what the topic, subject or whatever, each of you MUST be able to talk to one another no matter what).
This is obvious to most people who understand love. And, in what I have been able to gather...communication is your problem.
His lack of it speaks volumes. Whatever issues HE has should be worked out with the two of you together finding an answer to the problem. However, HE is separating himself from you, and it doesn't matter why?, the fact that he is proves there is a problem.
Just my thoughts on it.
Typically, we have all those three things and more. This problem really just came up last week when he was thinking about leaving the relationship and did a few days ago.
Thanks for your input though, I do appreciate it...
What do you think the chances are of him coming around and wanting to be back together are?
If I were you, at this point, I would get bait and quit fishing in this pond. It is obvious that he has jumped out of the boat and swam away. I say let him find dry land for himself, while you move on quicker, because you're still in the boat and can move faster.
I know that probably doesn't like worth while advice, but in the end, your emotional, physical, and mental health is more important and once you can realize that his communication problem is not your problem anymore....you can realize it was not your fault and move on without regret.
Accept it is over and learn from it.
Why come on Hubpages looking for advice? there's plenty of relationship advice sites
However that is'nt meant as an unfriendly gesture, Welcome to Hubpages if you intend on staying
And this is exactly why there's a 50% divorce rate in this country. People give up too easily. Everything in our lives has to meet standards of perfection.
The boyfriend is going through a great deal of stress and has asked for some space. That's not being self-centered. It's something we all need. Some married couples take separate vacations. Others find their space in other ways.
If the boyfriend was seeing other girls, or spending lots of time in bars, or doing other things that raised red flags, I could understand your hesitation. But needing to be alone for awhile to recoup should not be the end of what has otherwise been a fruitful relationship. In fact, I see this as a very positive sign that each of you is growing -- individually and together.
Follow your own gut instincts. And don't put your boyfriend in a preconceived niche that others have created. This relationship is yours and yours only.
Thank you very much for your input!
And no, he clearly told me that he would not be looking for other girls while we are apart. This is coming from a very honest person too.
So maybe the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" applies here? Do you think after a while of being apart, he will start to come back?
Give some space for a reasonable period of time. Date others or engage in social activities during this "cooling off" period. Later on send a card and pen a note like, "How are you doing?" or "I'm here. Would you like to talk?" etc.
It's hard to know what's in somebody's head if they don't come out and say it. If he needs space to deal with his personal issues then he has that. But if he wants to go separate ways he should have the dignity to tell you.
For now, at least, he needs his time alone.
Life is too short, he should not have walked away from you.. If you are worring about him its not worth it.. I used to worry all the time about my husband, now that I am going through a divorce I met the man of my dreams who treats me way better then my husband ever could have!!!
Yes, life is short.... But this only took place a few days ago. We still have an incredible bond. It's not like every long term relationship doesn't have rough patches, in my opinion. That's why for him, the love of my life, I am willing to see what can become of this... I appreciate the input though!!
Does anyone have any more input on this situation?
I called him today on behalf of our best friend dying and he was pretty quiet throughout the short conversation.
It seems as though he was keeping track of the lack of times I have called him. (Which was zero calls since the break up.)
I said: "Well I thought I would call you to make sure all was well and to tell you what's going on, so you know."
He said: "Well... You haven't really... Called since.. You know, the separation.. Like a week and a half..."
I then said I had to go and he replied in a pleasant, but quiet voice:
"You take it easy.. Goodbye..."
What do you think of this? Think he will eventually come back? He pretty much already stated that he misses me.
You came to the right place the dr is in!!! Fist of all when you breakup you were never meant to be together in the 1st place. 2nd if you do get back together things wont be the same and it wont last. 3rd use this as a gr0wing proces to figure out what you want in life from a relationship and whose best for you. There will be no charge today, this ones on the house
Sorry to be so straightfoward but not all couples who break up and then get together don't last. I for one broke up with my husband (my then boyfriend) 2 times . We have been happily married for 10 years now with 2 children and neither one of us is going anywhere. I think the break ups are what actually saved us. It might be odd but not impossible.
I think you should just ask him straight out. Tell him you will give him his space if thats what he needs but you still have strong feelings for him and need to know if this is a "break" or a "break up"? If its a break then you know eventually he will come around because that is what it seems as though it is. His asking you why you havn't called is a good inclination to the whole situation. Just don't run yourself in circles waiting. You deserve an answer just like he deserves his space. Hope this helped.
I called him just today and he was pretty upset that I hadn't been calling him lately. He also said "Oh and thank you for calling" in a positive voice.
I could be wrong, but he also seems to be trying to make me jealous. He's saying things like "Oh my life is going great right now and I'm hanging out with my friends tomorrow". What could that be all about?
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