What constitutes appropriate behavior online?

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   Website Examinerposted 14 years ago

   This thread was opened in response to a recent hub, "Community Is Dead Long Live The Lone."
   
   Mordechai Zoltan is thrilled about the wealth of opportunities the online world has got to offer, but also concerned whether it is making us insensitive to our real neighbors. And, he wonders, can we "be duplicitous and underhanded behind the cloak of our anonymity to achieve whatever financial or sociopathic goals we may have?"
   
   These are valid concerns. What are your online experiences? Where do the limits go? And how may we better help one another be safe and comfortable online?

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      Pani Midnyte Odinposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      My biggest problem with the internet is the perverts. No matter what site I go to, I am constantly being propositioned for sexual chats. And no matter how many times I say no, they continue propositioning me for sexual chats.
      
      Even here, on HubPages, I have received 2-3 sexual emails. Maybe the anonymity is too much for some people to handle. They are so lost in their virtual fantasy world that they choose to ignore the boundaries of other people.
      
      Of course there are online scammers, but a little education can keep you from getting scammed. For instance, I was offered two English bull dogs over the internet by a man who claimed to be a reverend and I thought was a good friend. By asking for photos and asking a few simple questions, I was able to decipher that the $300 shipping fee, which was completely understandable because he lived in Africa, was a complete scam. The photos were of English bull dogs much older than he claimed for them to be and, somehow, when it got to the point where I asked for shipping information, he was no longer Rev. Jonathon Somers. Instead, he became Nagadh Alsiremaca or something like that. Scammers are pretty easy to identify if you have any common sense.

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         EmpressFelicityposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         My recommendation is NEVER to reply to emails of this kind.  Simply block that email address in your email client, and ignore, ignore, ignore.
         
         I think that often people of this ilk just want a response.  The fact that you've replied to their emails at all is, in their eyes, a result.

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            Pani Midnyte Odinposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Actually, these sexual advances are seldom in my email inbox. Those that DO end up in my email inbox are deleted and blocked immediately without reply. These sexual advances normally occur on games meant for the 13+ age group by people who claim to be in their 20s or 30s. There is no age limit on these games, but the adults on the game do not know boundaries, even when it comes to age.

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               EmpressFelicityposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               Ewww.  Do they know how old you are yourself?

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                  Pani Midnyte Odinposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  I make sure that whomever I play the game with knows my age and that I am not interested in an online relationship or sexual chats with them, no matter what their age.
                  
                  Some of the things I have witnessed on these games, however, are disturbing. The other day, I witnessed a male asking a female her age. She said 15 and asked him the same question. He said he was 35. They chatted for a few minutes before the man began telling her, in detail, how he wanted to kiss and lick every inch of her body.
                  
                  This man KNEW the girl was only 15 and, even though she protested, he continued speaking to her in this manner. There was also a woman in her 40s that consistently befriended young boys for the purpose of sexual chats. She was banned from the game, but there are many instances when nothing is done about this behavior.
                  
                  The anonymity of the internet can be a dangerous thing. The anonymity somehow makes people lose all their senses of boundaries and responsibility for their actions. No one should be subjected to this kind of behavior, especially when they make it perfectly clear they are not interested.
                  
                  Actually, I plan on doing an investigative report on this kind of behavior soon and publishing a hub on my findings.

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         M. W. Hopkinsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I received love-letter e-mail almost the instant I first used it -- in 1981. It was from one of the girls in the summer class I was taking. She was not my type (to say the least).
         
         Instead, there was another in the class I had a thing for (as in: she ran out of class the first day after class to chase after me because of the way I said goodbye, yelling "wait! wait!"). But after coming back from a camping trip (which I was forced to join by my parents) that contact went completely cold -- as did she.
         
         To say it's an intrinsic part of e-mail -- women propositioning men at the drop of a hat (as much as men doing it to women, if not more) -- would be an understatement. It's been that way since then. The early 1990's I was sending and receiving 3, 4 or 5 Valentines each year.
         
         I've gone on as a woman and received about the same level of propositions. It's not too much different, once you factor in that there were generally fewer women on the net than men till recently. So, it definitely goes both ways.
         
         There was actually one woman, a couple years ago, who literally wanted me to drop everything and move in with her (at her expense), with 6 hour phone calls and 5-10 e-mails a day. (Actually a former title holder of Miss Nude Universe and still a casual acquaintance).
         
         I told her, let's be practical about this. Number one, I'm not leaving this city. And two, if you really want to take me in like that, why not invest in an apartment complex here in town and make me the building supervisor. Then you make money (as do I) and you have a place all our own to visit when you come over into our beautiful city. At the same time you help keep a neighborhood vital and provide housing for college students.
         
         Personally, I'd rather personal contacts be in the flesh rather than long-distance. There've been a couple blind dates with girls I met on the Internet that probably represented time lost we'd never get back for both of us. E-mail is an awful way to start a relation. Try social networking, instead (and stick to the local area unless you own your own airplane).

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      Phoenix 69posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I would say that what you personally consider appropriate and what sites such as HP consider appropriate are two different things.  I would also say it's all about money . . . at least when it comes to sites such as HP. 
      There are plenty of thing you can do and say online that should not be considered as "dangerous" or "inappropriate' anywhere BUT they very well could be on different websites such as HP.

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   earnestshubposted 14 years ago

   I have been online since the beginning of the Internet, and have over 30 years of dealing with the general public in my own retail outlets.
   I have found about the same number of low-lifes online as off.
   
   
   So that is one opinion.

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   Website Examinerposted 14 years ago

   Many people on HubPages have multiple accounts, as well as their own blogs and websites. They use them for their own benefit, using whatever online personae suits the purpose. Personally, I find this perfectly natural and not one bit suspect, but others may have a different opinion.
   
   I would never use different online accounts to comment on the same hub or post on the same forum thread. Certainly, I would never offer anyone false encouragement on their writing projects in an attempt to solicit their business.

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      cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      
      
      
      i don't mind when people have multiple accounts except when they use them to gang up on people. if i had to cite one difference between real worlds and online worlds that bothers me it would be anonymity. i'm not talking about protecting your privacy, i'm talking about people using troll accounts to spam and harrass people. i mean, how can you fight that?

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         calpol25posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         your right there is nothing you can do except tell the authorities, but usually it has report at the bottom of the page you could try that i suppose but there is little you can do.

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            cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            
            
            like that person who emailed Dale about his hub. or someone who created a troll account just to leave nasty comments on one of my 'cool hubbers' hubs. so, they spent alll that time reading it and just HAD to leave nasty comments on it. (i save their IP addresses now in a Notepad file so if they do it repeatedly, i have their a$$ in a sling, because HubPages will get involved.) i read some stuff sometimes that is well, not very good, but i just leave and never comment. again, it is the anonymity factor.
            
            i do wonder why people who get negative comments on their hubs leave them there, though. i won't let anyone besmirch my creativity that way.
            
            as for me, i say what i really think, good or bad, AS  MYSELF, which makes me unpopular but at least i don't hide behind a fake screenname, which means i'm not a coward like some people , so there.

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               tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               Oh! I thought you said 'cosette' was a name you took from 'Les Miserables '
               That's not your real name. Nor I see your last name anywhere.
               so don't talk about real or fake names !
               So there !
               

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         Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         @cossette.  you can't fight being cyber-harassed, from my experience.  just trying to makes it look like a mutual fight rather than what the situation really is.  the reality is that if you don't fight back, you get kicked over and over, and fighting back means you get kicked harder and also blamed.  basically the situation is lose-lose. 
         
         I tend to blow up once a year or so while dealing with a 6 year ongoing daily stalking by the same woman and an ever-changing crew she solicits and I guess at this point I don't care what it looks like to some people.

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            cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            
            
            
            SIX YEARS?
            
            good lord
            
            i'm really sorry that is happening to you. ;_;

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               Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               me too :p
               
               I had a lot of losses from it.  Trust issues from betrayals, paranoia, increased ptsd symptoms and a long down period of depression.
               
               I would say for the first two years I was optimistic as I assumed the situation would be glaringly obvious and I also assumed she would eventually stop.
               
               The next two years were a real downer.  I had to go on anxiety meds, I had panic attacks just looking at the computer and I kept thinking there would be one safe place to interact with others online.  She made multiple profiles on several large sites, most of which I've never been to, stayed in the few forums I did post on in multiple aliases constantly working behind the scenes, and apparently to this day searches for me daily using phrases and interests I like to post to.  God knows how many poor strangers who loved the same odd things I did and posted to them were subjected to her abuses, also, in her overreaching.  She to this day enjoys parodying my old avatars, profile descriptions, life history and portraying those things in a negative light.  It's absolutely no fun for her to do this without me seeing it.  It's imperative to her that I notice her, so she always manages to be in my online path and to make sure I'm aware it's her.
               
               I had grossly underestimated her OCD, over those years.
               
               The last two years I've seen significant improvement in my self-esteem and coping mechanisms - maybe I've become even stronger and weller.  But I would have passed on that opportunity to grow given a choice.  It hasn't been remotely fun.
               
               I miss the old me, open, fun, trusting and inclusive and full of fun fads and creative ideas and passionate politics and believing in the good of other people.  I'm working very hard to get that back.  Wish me luck.

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                  tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  You should go back to your own self!
                  Why give someone you don't know for real ,such power over you ?
                  Whoever this person is, she doesn't deserve it. You're giving her  what she wants: power over you
                  And by writing this post ,you're letting her know, she wins.
                  
                  This is virtual. It's not real life !

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                  EmpressFelicityposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  I'm really sorry to hear about the trouble you've been having but I'm sort of impelled to play Devil's Advocate here and ask why this person hasn't shown up on HP?

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                     Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                     She is here, but I'm not going to get into a drag out fight to be believed.  I'm past caring about that too. 
                     
                     All I can reasonably do is what I'm doing.  Being honest and forthright and trying to find my old self while being proactive on dealing with the situation.
                     
                     In all reality, I only have so much strength.  I left here for almost a year before and I'm likely to leave again.   At one time I pulled all my Hubs to limit her ability to garner personal information from them.  I'm not going to do that again though.
                     
                     @tantrum.  I'm me.  I'm just a me who has had to assimilate and react to this situation.  You are correct that I am giving her power over me.  I am still a work in progress in my own journey with this situation.
                     
                     And I do know her.  She was an old childhood friend with whom I had never had any disputes that I hadn't seen in 27 years who stalked me TO the net.  All the internet damage followed that.

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                        tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                        I'm sorry !
                        What a twisted friend!
                        She must be envious of you for some reason or other.
                        Don't let her in your life anymore !

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                           Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                           I honestly don't know what drove her to stalk me, with no interaction in 27 years, TO the net nor what compels her to continue to do so all this time. 
                           
                           I don't suppose I will ever know why.  But thx for the well-wishes.

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                  cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  
                  
                  
                  dude, that is shocking...seriously.
                  
                  makes my problems pale in comparison
                  
                  HubPages is good about handling these types of issues, i think. well, good luck.

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                     Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                     Thanks and I got a smile out of the pic.  I love cats.
                     
                     HP has some distinct advantages over other sites in such a situation as she cannot comment directly to my Hubs because I would recognize the IP.
                     
                     However, I always feel unsafe in the forums and thus my use of the forums is quite stunted.

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      MordechaiZoltanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      A big red flag for me is when people feel the need to portray more than one "persona" online.  A pen name is one thing but establishing multiple accounts, meaning multiple screen names,  to "act out" different agendas smacks of duplicity and by it's nature is less than forthright and honest.  In fact this ability to manipulate and control the online experience we wish others to have when interacting with us strikes to the core of one of the dangers the internet presents. Popeye said it best "I am what I am". Why the need to be I am who I want you to think I am? One other comment, if I am being sold something, a car, insurance, anything, I would much rather have the salesperson be upfront with their intentions. If a friendship is struck up over time and then all of the sudden I am being asked to open my drastically  underfunded checkbook,  I feel like I have been played for a sucker. I do not mind being sold, just be honest with me from the beginning.

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         Website Examinerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         One good source of understanding these online personalities is their hubtivity, another is their published hubs, yet another is their profile page. These are all offical and available to anyone.
         
         I post fairly frequently, almost exclusively to give free technical feedback to people such as yourself. This is a separate function that has nothing to do with any other accounts.
         
         Also, please consider that some accounts are held by companies where different people handle different things.

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         Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         @MordechaiZoltan
         
         I totally agree.  Excellent post.

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            MordechaiZoltanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Thank you Iounn

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   Moon Goddess1854posted 14 years ago

   The unfortunate thing about the internet and the virtual world is that more opportunities for creeps to hide and it is three times harder to determine the sincerity of these individuals as compared to meeting them or having them as your neighbors for a number of years. It is an easy area for scams to happen as well as trolls to stalk without even being physically able to be within your presence.
   
   There are some implied rules in the virtual world that I abide by and that is if it seems too good to be true it probably is and if I don't know a person, I do not correspond to them. And once the person starts behaving in any erratic form or deviates from what is considered normal and acceptable, it's time for me to just let go and ignore the person. If I don't let their behavior affect me, then my emotional being is not touched.
   
   There are also the upsides of being in the internet because I can have the option to ignore anything. I can turn off my laptop and unplug my internet. Easier way to deal would be stalkers and scammers. Though there are few exceptions to the rule, like you happen to meet a genius boy wonder internet and computer stalker, it's a different story to tell.
   
   So what's my point? Whether it's internet or meeting people personally, creeps are everywhere and all over. I think we just need to be more alert and aware of what's happening around us that would put us in danger. To end my blab, as my mother often said when I was young," Never accept candies from strangers." I rest my case.

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      calpol25posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      There is good and bad in all walks of life, be it on the internet or in the street, those of us who are aware of them, can tell them immediately its common sense but its like what moon goddess says never talk to strangers, and if your not sure tell some one.

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      Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      @Moon Goddess.  In part, that is what explains my lenghty absences here and at any other site.  When you get a really determined stalker, about the only thing you can do is not be online at all.
      
      I don't think that is a very good answer as over 500,000 people a year are cyberharassed/cyberstalked and the numbers are growing. 
      
      My situation is sadly one shared by many.

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         Moon Goddess1854posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Never been my habit to solicit approval. I am merely stating my own personal views. To reiterate, unplugging my connection from the internet is one way to avoid getting creeps to invade my privacy.
         
         I, on the other hand feel sorry that you have the misfortune to be harassed and stalked by creeps. The unfortunate part is nothing can be done currently because of the limitations set on the part of government agencies acting and enforcing laws on cyber crimes and running after these cyber criminals.
         
         The people on the internet are from all over the world and some laws are not applied to where these creeps and perves are lurking and hiding.
         
         So, what's my point again? I am not here to be at the head of the pulpit when I'm giving my opinions.
         
         I have met all types of creeps, got stalked, almost raped when I was  young and received threats that severely put my life in danger. So I do have empathy on your situation and I know it's real.
         
         But I don't believe I said anything that is out of line and condoning anything other than what I have stated.
         
         I stand behind what I have written.

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            Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Context or tone problem with the print.  I wasn't disagreeing.  I was agreeing but thinking a better answer should eventually emerge.
            
            Sorry for any misunderstanding.  It wasn't a criticism.  Not that your answer wasn't a good answer... I agreed it was the only right answer.  Just that I wish something better would come up.  I thought your post was filled with realistic advice which is why I bothered to agree.

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               Moon Goddess1854posted 14 years agoin reply to this

               I concur that sometimes written languages are not able to completely determine or express what we want to say. Thank you for clarifying it.

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                  Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  no problem, I hope you have a a great day and welcome to HP~

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   Greg Cremiaposted 14 years ago

   Its just like halloween. People put on a mask and the personalities they normally keep at bay suddenly break free.

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   tantrumposted 14 years ago

   Welcome to the Virtual World! LOL
   If you believe everything....

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   Alotaposted 14 years ago

   I always get a chill down my spine when I see threads like this posted, I tend to think that people who feel the need to post threads like this have something to hide themselves, I am very weiry of those people who try to present themselves as being above reproach, trying to seek out like minded curtain peepers, beware that the dog does not bark too loud.

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      tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Correct !
      
      

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      MordechaiZoltanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Alota, you are so correct

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         Website Examinerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         It was you who, on the comments to your hub, encouraged that such a thread be started.
         
         In the comments to your hub the OP is referring to, you wrote: "I have never been much of a forum person but would gladly offer my opinions if someone else would want to start a thread as you described."
         
         That was 15 hours ago.

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            Website Examinerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Since then, Mordechai has apparently deleted the comment that I was referring to. Hopefully, he will restore it. Here is the screenshot taken at the time:
            
            

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   Alotaposted 14 years ago

   Why thank you Mam.

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      tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You're welcome!
      I like people that are frontal and don't have any problem saying what they want !
      

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   skyfireposted 14 years ago

   There is no standard for good behaviour atleast online. People pretend and it's hard to see through them unless you dig each and every reply or written material they post.  Trolling, jealousy, sarcasm, hit-n-run is part of online communities. If it's possible in offline life why not online ? People kill their boredom by acting either good or bad (depends on situation and mood to act). And after some time they stop this cause nobody can maintain any extreme position 24x7, not even Hitler or Mother terresa.
   
   
   
   Avoiding personal remarks, limiting discussions which are aimed at some person, knowing when to stop discussing things etc etc will help to some extent to have better community or online presence.

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    Nelle Hoxieposted 14 years ago

    Tantrum has taught me not to take any of it too seriously. So I just write hubs and stop off here once and a while to see if HP is up to something that I should know about. Or if anything interesting is going on.
    
    Other than that I really don't buy into much of it any more. Too many people have professed loyalty and friendship one day, only to flounce the next.

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       tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Hi Nelle !
       You're still joking with me !
       
       But you know it's true.  Don't take anything seriously. You'll be much happier !
       

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          prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          I take you seriously T becuase you make me laugh!
          
          you have a new avatar and you are still guapa

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             tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             Hi Pretty !!

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    Cagsilposted 14 years ago

    What constitutes appropriate behavior online?
    
    How can or Why would you(the poster of the thread) expect people to constitute what appropriate behavior online is to be?
    
    Most people cannot even figure out the difference between what is moral right and moral wrong, OFFLINE.
    
    There are few(on a global scale) who really understand what morals are or suppose to be among human beings.
    
    We, as human beings, are still learning how to live with one another, and it's been nothing but a struggle, every damn step of the way, because there are too many people who like to tell others what to do.
    
    To provide the best available answer for your question? You must eliminate the notion that the ONLINE world is a different world than that of OFFLINE.
    
    To do that- is to change your "view" about it. When you change your view, then everything else changes with it.
    
    So, I will use a technical perspective to provide your answer- When "ONLINE", you are actually "in public", just like you are when you leave your home.
    
    Some people "pretend" to be more than they are, because they have the computer screen separating them from others, who really cannot see the truth. However, the truth is revealed in their actions, while "ONLINE", just as they are when "OFFLINE" in public.
    
    It becomes obvious, as to who understand morals and who doesn't. It also shows how much intelligence many have compared to their true intelligence.
    
    If you know what to learn or look for, then it becomes obvious, whether or not, people are "pretending".
    
    With that said....I'll wait to see what others will say about what I just said.   Interesting question, but not one many could answer.

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       Website Examinerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Thanks for your thoughtful comment. It can be difficult to do the right thing online, sometimes, as it can be in public.

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    Maddie Ruudposted 14 years ago

    I think one of the main problems that causes obnoxious behavior on the net is that people don't actually connect online activities to real-world consequences (and psych studies back me up on this).  If everyone would try to remember that there are real people on the receiving end, flesh and blood, not simply pixels, I think we'd have a lot fewer problems in the forums.

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       Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I agree absolutely.  Nicely put.

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    Hauntyposted 14 years ago

    I wouldn't expect someone who behaves obnoxiously on-line to be a nice in person.

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    rebekahELLEposted 14 years ago

    so true m. sometimes I wonder if people could observe themselves from another perspective, they would see how foolish they appear.
    there are real people here, writing and reading. I guess some see it as a virtual playground and it doesn't matter, but everything has an effect.
    
    I read an article the other day about a man who frequented a forum and made virtual friends with a lot of the regulars. he was going through some issues on the home front and actually posted a false death announcement about himself.  it affected his 'friends' so much, to the end they were trying to set up an account for his child, wanted to attend the funeral, only to find out it was a complete scam.

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       Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I just made a series of Hubs related to this and other related forum phenomenon.
       
       BecauseIlive also has an excellent Hub on it, it's a syndrome that has become so widely known it's named - Munchhausen By Internet.

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       EmpressFelicityposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I think it's despicable when people pull this kind of stunt.  It only takes a few such incidents for people to become cynical and treat *all* announcements of serious illness/impending death with extreme scepticism, thus making it much harder for anyone with genuine problems to receive emotional support.

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          Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          There was actually an incident of this about a year ago right here in these forums.

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             Jane@CMposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             That is just sad!  This person must have a horrible boring life filled with nothing.  So you can keep writing because the stalker can be caught if she posted a comment on your hub - great thing thing about IP addys.  Stay put, we have a strong community of back up!!!

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                Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                Thanks, Jane.  I go off and on with HP depending on my own inner strength and I can and will remove myself from the situation when I recognize that I need to because of stress and irrational reactions.  But that's why I am rarely in the forums which is a shame for me because I'm an exceptionally social person who generally gets on well with others, at least before all this.
                
                Main thing, I hope everyone here strongly considers protecting themselves however they can so they don't have to go through what I do now all the time.

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                cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                
                
                i second that. don't let this make you feel alone.
                
                'cause you're not.

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                   Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                   Thanks, cosette.  <-- ha, I actually spelled you right this time

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                      cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                      
                      
                      hee hee. it's not my real name...it's from Les Miserables
                      
                      don't be afraid of the forums, if you like it here, i mean. i decided not to let anyone control my comings and goings, and i feel a whole lot better! besides, see, in this thread alone, it demonstrates that HubPages is a very supportive community. a few undesirables are not Hubpages.

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                         Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                         I certainly aspire to be emotionally where you are.  Bravo to you. 
                         
                         I don't really know whether I shall try to use the forums or no; I'm in something of a transitive growth stage and more likely to take a sabbatical again than anything else, but it was lovely that there is indeed support here.
                         
                         I won't argue that the vast majority of people at HP are supportive, warm and decent.  I even see the joy and plain old fun in those who choose to interact with obvious alts for the sheer creativity of it.  However...  alts in general make me uncomfortable as a result of my personal experiences since alts are one of my stalker's primary modus operandi and I am not sure I'm comfortable with them at this time. 
                         
                         I did make the occasional forays here for politics and economic discussion and even sometimes just for fun, in the past.  Perhaps I will again someday.

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                            cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                            
                            
                            
                            i hear you. the bad thing about bad experiences in cyberspace is that it makes you suspicious of some personas in cyberspace, especially 'newbies' who start flinging stuff as soon as they come on the scene. makes you wonder.
                            
                            and i don't blame you one bit for being reserved. i am too, to a marked degree, which is fine - my reserve is like a hard candy shell protecting all my gooey sweetness inside

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                               logic,commonsenseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                               MMMMM........tasty!

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             rebekahELLEposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             I'm sure many of the 'stories' online are highly fabricated to gain people's favor, attention, money...
             
             people who are holed up in their homes day in and day out, online; this has to have an effect on them as to what's real in their lives.
             the virtual world starts becoming their only life. I've read accounts of people who drive themselves down into the 'rabbit hole' with their online characterizations. they 'become' what they've made up in their minds.
             
             you've got to be able to walk away from it, get out of the house, talk to real people you can see and hear.

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                Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                This is one of the best things about going to Church.  As part of my Lenten observance, I have been trying to make Mass every morning which gives me a wonderful opportunity to interact with real others.  I have other activities I pursue offline, but going to Church is easily my favorite.
                
                I admit I've already missed a couple of days, though  
                
                I plead bad weather.   I don't like to drive on ice.

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    IzzyMposted 14 years ago

    I trained to be a cyberangel years ago, but didn't quite finish to join the program. After doing nearly all their learning courses, I was expected to get a police report at  cost of something like £40 and post it to their HQ in the US to become a fully fledged angel and I was skint at the time.
    This thread made me look them up again, and yes they are still operating.
    They might be the very people to get in touch with if you are being stalked, and @ Pani, they are ones who can sort out the perverts.
    http://cyberangels.org/

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    blondepoetposted 14 years ago

    You know with all my ranting and raving I have never had any trouble. When I see a email that starts off as something rather peculiar bang out it goes....
    Sometimes even if I receive an email that looks like it is from someone I don't even know bang out it goes.
    Hurtful or stupid nonsense comments, I think what a twit, I may have a chuckle leave some on or bang out they go.
    In chat programs I only talk to people I know and never accept invitations from people I don't know.
    When I am playing a game and some guy starts talking dirty, I say "get a life Mike". Then I ignore.
    I am sorry to hear about people who have had major problems. You know I have had more trouble in real life, by guys turning up at my door drunk or getting harassed.
    I am not going to let my internet time be severed as well by egg-heads.
    P.s I also just got rid of my face-book account as I never use it and realized there is too much info that people don't need to know.

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       Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I never have used facebook or other social networking sites.  I didn't have any interest before I was being stalked and I'm way too paranoid now to ever consider it.
       
       It does hurt me at HP with traffic as far as not being able to have backlinks via social networking sites, message boards and other online social activity.  I have learned to live with it.

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          blondepoetposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Good morning, in your case I really symphathise with you. God she has to tire of it sooner or later surely?

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             Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             Good morning to you too   although it's afternoon here. :p
             
             I used to think that, too.  I was wrong.  I don't even hold out hope that she will ever quit.  If she hasn't quit after six years, she isn't going to stop of her own volition.  More and more, I don't actually believe she CAN stop.  I think it's some kind of extreme mental illness.
             
             Possibly she will go over the line on somebody else (and there are so many others she does this to online) and her efforts will eventually be interrupted by police action. 
             
             That's probably my only chance at online safety.

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    earnestshubposted 14 years ago

    Try to find a good computer hacker.(Not a bad thing in most cases, it just means an expert at understanding how the Internet works,) and have all her sites torn down or banned at her isp.
    I owned a program once that would track an ip and bomb it up to 8 times in a row. It was a small piece of freeware.

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       Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       She has accrued an enviable list of permabans at most sites, maybe 30 or 40, although she continues to post in them in by simply making more alts using anonymous IPs if they allow those at the individual areas.  Most of it is for plagiarism which she can't seem to stop, sometimes for faking death and other sympathy bids, often for posting other people's specific personal information and sometimes for parodying other people to post her version of their lives.  I'm not the only one she stalks.
       
       I have zero interest in doing anything to her.  I just wish she would lose interest in attacking me. 
       
       I feel that by learning and praticing new coping mechanisms, I am actually dealing with the situation appropriately.  It still pisses me off, though, and on rare occasion I let it get the best of me still.  :p

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          tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Why don't you laugh at her ?
          This kind of people usually doesn't like people whom they attack, laughing at them !
          It works for me. I'm sure it will work for you as well.
          As it seems she's not going to stop, at least get some laughs of the situation ! LOL

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             Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             I might occasionally do this, but it comes off as 'mean-spirited'.  I think now I'm pretty much past caring that it appears so on the rare occasions I make public note of her, or worrying that others won't understand.
             
             She's been so effective at isolating me online, I no longer have anything to lose.

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                tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                You should revert the situation.
                If this happens to me, I would not stop ridiculizing her, every time I can ! LOL
                In fact, I have done that twice. It's very effective !
                And doesn't last for long

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                   Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                   It makes me feel terrible.  I don't like allowing her to manipulate me to recreate myself in her image.  I don't like her behaviors and I have little interest in emulating them.
                   
                   I do allow myself to whinge about it about once a year.  It only seems fair.  And always when I do I have conflicted feelings about it because it's so opposite of my own self.  I'm a flee-er.  I hate conflict and usually seek to avoid it.  Of course she knows this and uses it to her advantage.  I'm usually gone so everything she says about me in my absence has no counter-balance.  This hasn't served me well over time, but sometimes leaving is the only way to keep myself whole and healthy.
                   
                   For the most part, I try to overlook her so she doesn't have control of every moment of my online life.  That really would be letting her win.  I'm getting better at it, too.

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    lakeerieartistsposted 14 years ago

    Maddie I think you are so right.  Because we are not face to face with actual human beings we lose sight of common courtesies.

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    tantrumposted 14 years ago

    Good for you then !
    I love fights instead !

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       Iðunnposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Well, I'm still in process.  Maybe one day I'll be more like you.   I like the idea that you're a fighter. 
       
       Good on you~

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          tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Lets hope I'll never have to fight with you !

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    LovelyThoughtsposted 14 years ago

    All I can say is you people have alooooooooooooot of time on your hands LOL.  I just do not have time to figure out if people are sipping their tea correctly in cyberland LOL.

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    Nicole Winterposted 14 years ago

    Hey, guys, I actually wrote a hub about a couple of the online BBS experiences I had / two of my friends had that kind of touches on this experience.  For those of you not in the know about BBS's, basically it's like a local file server, chat line and forums thingie that when compared to the internet at large would be like comparing a sub-atomic particle to the cosmos in their entirety... Terrifying to think that such a small slice of online life could be so freaky.
    
    http://hubpages.com/hub/Internet-Safety … ors-Online
    
    After the two stories I give some advice to parents on how to keep their kids safe while online...
    
    It amazes me that none of my friends and I weren't chopped into tiny bits 'n pieces, this was during the late '80's.
    
    ---- NAW
    
    http://hubpages.com/hub/Internet-Safety … ors-Online

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    logic,commonsenseposted 14 years ago

    Apparently anything behaviour is allowed.  We have to take the good with the bad or inevitably we will constrict it so much it will die!  We have to take responsibility for what we do and shun those areas we do not appreciate.  Everyone is different and we may not agree with what others are interested in.

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       blondepoetposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       And this is a man speaking from experience lol. Hey there Logic!!!!

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          logic,commonsenseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Hey BP!  I have very electic tastes as do many!  I find many sites and subjects offensive, but I do not advocate banning any because of my views.  Censorship should be self imposed not imposed on all by a few or many.  We all make our choices and must take responsibility for what we choose.  Just my view.

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             blondepoetposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             And I agree 100% with your view Logic. It comes down to free expression and personal choice. If I don't like something I don't go there, but as you said I don't condone other people who do go there.

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                logic,commonsenseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                I believe the quote is, "brilliant minds think alike"

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                   blondepoetposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                   'I wish you were DSL so I could get high-speed access'

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    hublimposted 14 years ago

    Having spoken to many people about what they do online, it's appears some people believe they can do anything online and there is no consequences.
    
    Many people have fallen victim to posting the wrong photo or comment on a website and find out the hard way that you should be responsible online.

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    earnestshubposted 14 years ago

    Online behaviour has consequences. The uninitiated do not realise what is out there in the way of tracking.

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