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Self Help and Perfection - Looking for Acceptance from Others (Life Coaching Courses)

Updated on May 19, 2011

The Fear of Making Mistakes

Life Coaching Courses: Self Help and Perfection - Looking for Acceptance from Others

We use up a lot of energy trying to be perfect. We fear making mistakes, appearing incompetent, and we don’t want to be criticized. It is actually liberating to accept our imperfections and shortcomings. We want to do things the way they should be done. Trying to be perfect causes us to be burdened. It comes from not truly accepting ourselves. We suffer from our own failures. We search for acceptance and approval. We are looking for validity. It is a natural desire to fit in with others, we are social creatures after all. But our perfection actually causes anxiety. We work hard to prove to others who we have elevated in a position of approval, that we need their acceptance.

A Perfect Rose?
A Perfect Rose?

Seeking Perfection Can Cause Us To:

  • to work towards the impossible
  • create unnecessary anxiety and stress
  • create uncomfortable feelings when we make a mistake
  • waste valuable time and enrgy
  • interfere with important relationships
  • make us resentful if we have not gotten approval from the people we sought it from
  • create physical and emotional strain on our bodies
  • never feel satisfyied
  • feel inadequate and blame ourselves for things we may not necessariy be able to control
  • be dictated by others, and letting them run our lives
  • not considering your own needs
  • think irrationally
  • being consumed with too high of a social image
  • setting unrealistic standards for ourselves
  • denying yourself
  • suppressing your own self growth
  • being too much of a people pleaser
  • not having the pleasure of self satisfaction
  • feeling you are not good enough
  • compormising you own values

What Are the Costs of Your Perfection?

When you impose other people’s standards as your own, or you set too high of standards for yourself, you are setting yourself up for failure.

Ask yourself what are the costs of trying to do things perfect? How much are you willing to spend in time and energy. What are the effects if you don’t do things perfectly? How do you think you will deal with these feelings? What is the worst thing if you don’t do it perfectly? Let logic prevail. Talk yourself through each of the feelings to see if it truly is worth the wasted energy trying to do it perfectly. This is an exercise in taking charge of your decisions. Comfort yourself if you make mistakes. What would you objectively think if it was someone else who proved they were human and showed their imperfections. Let things go. Don’t take it too seriously, most likely others are not either.

You Are Only Human and Mistakes Are Natural

In life coaching courses you don’t need to impress anyone else but yourself. If you make a mistake, be easy on yourself. You will get beyond it, we all do. There is not a person on this planet who has not made mistakes. If you find them, please let me know. Even if you disappoint someone else, you will ge tover it, and probably learn something from it. This is called self growth and if you seek perfection and never make mistakes you are probably depriving yourself of self growth. So they logic here is that there are mistakes in seeking perfection too.

By the same reasoning, criticism is not as terrible as you might think. It can be liberating to learn about doing something better. If you have people in your life who constantly criticize you, they may very well be trying to control and manipulate you. They may be trying to keep you down, to force you to please them, to give you conditional love and acceptance. Doing your best is good enough. Perfection is an enemy that can keep you uncomfortable and dissatisfied forever.

No One is Perfect
No One is Perfect

Perfectionism is Self Defeating

Trying to stop the habit of perfectionism starts with the choices you make. Your own thoughts can be your wonworst emnemty. Perfectionisim is self defeating. Striving to please others is giving up the essence of who you are. If you find yourself enslaved by old messages and by being stuck and being dictated by your own theories then it may be time to do an attitude check and make some changes. In order to give up the thoughts and beliefs of perfectionism, you need to substitute different thoughts and rewards.

This comes from understanding how to gain personal freedom. Personal freedom comes from realixing that perfectionsidm and striving to do things error free and to the highest standards is really enslaving yourself. Look at what your best interests are. Give yourself the freedom to choosewhen it is approporiate to seek perfection and when doing your best is just good enough. Balancing this with the idea that it is okay not to please others or look for their approval in everything we do.

Embrace Who You Are
Embrace Who You Are

We Believe These Self Truths and They Hold Us Back

Change your thoughts and you will change your life. Swap thoughts of perfectionism with the truths that reflect who you really are. Free yourself from the compulsive thinking that you must please others.

The ideas you hold as self truths make a tremendous impact on how you live and the decisions you make for yourself. Your thoughts matter! Claim your freedom, nuture your inner self, encourage to do your best, and protect yourself from the demands of others. Look to serve your own interests. Life coaching courses can help you see that your own self approval can come from within too.

Trying to be perfect downplays your own independence and interferes with your own sense of power. When you become subordinate to the demands and interests of other people, you give up your own power, your own emotional and psychological health to everyone else.

Now where does that leave you? Honor yourself. Give yourself permission that you are an okay person and you are enough. Life coaching courses can help you to believe in yourself.Take care of yourself and then you can take care of others. Everyone benefits this way. And when everyone benefits, we can truly feel like we did things just right and good enough.

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    • toknowinfo profile imageAUTHOR


      5 years ago

      Hi Cyndy, Thanks for visiting and for your comments.

    • Life Coach Cyndy profile image

      Cyndy Adeniyi 

      5 years ago from Georgia

      Love the question...What Are the Costs of Your Perfection? Forces one to put it all in perspective.

    • toknowinfo profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      Thanks for your kind comments. I am glad you dropped by.

    • Sun-Girl profile image


      8 years ago from Nigeria

      Lovely and very interesting piece of article which is well shared.

    • toknowinfo profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      Thanks Fay. I appreciate your insightful comments and for the up rating. Striving to do your best without perfection is a good balance. Like you said, perfection wastes needless energy.

    • profile image

      Fay Paxton 

      8 years ago

      Another excellent hub, Toknow. I am always tickled that people often describe me as a perfectionist. I am anything but.I do what I do and chalk it up.

      You've imparted some excellent advice. I think people who seek perfection drive themselves crazy and will ultimately always be disappointed.

      up/useful and awesome.

    • toknowinfo profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      Hi Tom, I am glad you liked this hub. Thanks for your kind words and the up rating. Wishing you a wonderful week.

    • kashmir56 profile image

      Thomas Silvia 

      8 years ago from Massachusetts

      Hi toknowinfo, A very awesome and well written hub, you picked a perfect subject to write about and turned out a perfect hub !

      Awesome and vote up !!!

      Hope you are enjoying a wonderful weekend my friend !

    • toknowinfo profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      Hi L.L., Thank you for your honest comments. It is hard to break our own patterns. It starts with loving and valuing ourselves and believing truly we are enough. You are a special person and you are enough just the way you are. Perfection doesn't make us better people,or shield us from being criticized. It is an illusion we fool ourselves into believing that perfection will make it better for us. Excellence and being our best is good enough.

    • L.L. Woodard profile image

      L.L. Woodard 

      8 years ago from Oklahoma City

      I fight the obsession to be perfect on a daily basis. Intellectually I understand how destructive the tendency is and aim instead for excellence. Thanks for an insightful article.

    • toknowinfo profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      Hi faith, I am glad you enjoyed this hub. It makes me happy to know you found good points from it. I always try to make my hubs informative. Thanks for you kind comments.

    • toknowinfo profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      Hi Pam, Thanks for reading and commenting. But most importantly it is wonderful that you are happy with who you are. I am very glad to know you and am always happy when you stop by. Thank you for the up ratings. I appreciate it very much.

    • toknowinfo profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      Hi Dim, I am glad you stopped by to read my hub. I appreciate seeing you always. No one is perfect for sure. It is good to just take the time to value ourselves for who we are.

    • toknowinfo profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      Hi Pdog, Thanks for your very nice comments. All we can do is try to keep learning and doing our best.

    • FaithDream profile image


      8 years ago from (Midwest) USA

      Excellent article and well written... almost perfect one might say. :)

      You bring out some excellent points. Thanks for this great article.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      8 years ago from Sunny Florida

      Excellent hub. I was a bit of a perfectionist and it is exhausting. Fortunately I don't have that problem anymore and am happy with who I am. Voted/ rated awesome.

    • Dim Flaxenwick profile image

      Dim Flaxenwick 

      8 years ago from Great Britain

      Fantasic hub. If only we could remember the one simple thing running through your words..... No-one is perfect.

      Thanks for sharing this wonderful reminder.

    • profile image 

      8 years ago

      Perfect hub - but I've come to expect that from you TKI. Thanks for the reminder. If only we could remember more often the teaching here.


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