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The diary of a woman who quit smoking for good: My addiction to cigarettes

Updated on June 15, 2013

Denial of a smoker

Help me stop smoking

I convinced myself that I could quit smoking at any moment. I convinced myself that I had control over smoking cigarettes and when I want to quit, I could. I told myself repeatedly that I could quit smoking when I wanted to, but did not want to quit smoking. I convinced myself that I enjoyed smoking. Even though my family wanted me to quit smoking, I enjoyed smoking cigarettes very much. I chose to ignore their pleas and kept smoking.

I thought I had control over cigarettes and convinced myself that they were not affecting my health. Even though I had a smoker’s cough and my voice was slowly getting deeper, I kept insisting that it was nothing. I chose to overlook the hacking coughs, the shortness of breath, and the yellowing of my teeth and kept smoking cigarettes. I thought I was still a healthy person even though I was a smoker.

I thought it was normal to have yellowing teeth, yellowing fingers, a smoker’s cough, shortness of breath, and a cigarette odor that I would try to mask with lots of perfume. I did not realize that it was a sign that my lungs were being destroyed, my bones were losing their density, and my health was deteriorating by the smoke I was inhaling. I was in denial. I did not want to acknowledge the problems that smoking cigarettes created on my health.

As the years passed, I increased the amount of cigarettes that I smoked. I went from a few cigarettes a day to a two pack a day smoker. I smoked every chance that I could get. Any free moment that I had was used for smoking a cigarette. If I got in a car, had a break, or if someone lit up a cigarette, I was lighting up a cigarette. I smoked as many as I could and used every moment that I had to smoke a cigarette.

I tried to quit smoking, but….

How to stop smoking

My family wanted me to quit, but I really did not want to quit smoking. I finally decided that I would quit when I felt I was ready. I told my family that I was not ready and I enjoyed smoking cigarettes. Even though they were upset, they knew that I was the one who had to make that decision myself. I had to be the one who said that I wanted to quit smoking for good.

The last year of smoking, I started thinking about quitting smoking for good. I wanted to quit and thought I would be able to quit easily because I now wanted to quit. Unfortunately, this was not true. I finally realized that I was addicted to cigarettes, addicted to nicotine, and addicted to the lifestyle of smoking cigarettes.

Trying to quit smoking

Through the years, I tried to quit smoking many times with many different methods. I tried the cold turkey method, the nicotine patches, medication from my physician, hypnosis, nicotine gum, and any method that I could find. There were so many good ideas, good advice, but all of them failed in the past. In the past, I really did not want to quit smoking because I enjoyed it too much.

Every method I tried was unsuccessful, so I kept smoking. I did want to quit, but did not know what would work for me. I started researching the methods I used, trying to figure out why none of them worked in the past. I needed to discover the reasons I failed to quit smoking in the past and try to figure out which methods would work for me to quit smoking for good.

Quitting smoking takes a lot of mental preparation before a person can become a success. I realized that I had to want it, not just say that I wanted to quit. There is a difference. Once I decided that I was going to quit for good, I started the journey to quitting smoking cigarettes and removing this habit from my life for good.


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