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The diary of a woman who quit smoking for good: My addiction to cigarettes

Updated on June 15, 2013

Denial of a smoker

Help me stop smoking

I convinced myself that I could quit smoking at any moment. I convinced myself that I had control over smoking cigarettes and when I want to quit, I could. I told myself repeatedly that I could quit smoking when I wanted to, but did not want to quit smoking. I convinced myself that I enjoyed smoking. Even though my family wanted me to quit smoking, I enjoyed smoking cigarettes very much. I chose to ignore their pleas and kept smoking.

I thought I had control over cigarettes and convinced myself that they were not affecting my health. Even though I had a smoker’s cough and my voice was slowly getting deeper, I kept insisting that it was nothing. I chose to overlook the hacking coughs, the shortness of breath, and the yellowing of my teeth and kept smoking cigarettes. I thought I was still a healthy person even though I was a smoker.

I thought it was normal to have yellowing teeth, yellowing fingers, a smoker’s cough, shortness of breath, and a cigarette odor that I would try to mask with lots of perfume. I did not realize that it was a sign that my lungs were being destroyed, my bones were losing their density, and my health was deteriorating by the smoke I was inhaling. I was in denial. I did not want to acknowledge the problems that smoking cigarettes created on my health.

As the years passed, I increased the amount of cigarettes that I smoked. I went from a few cigarettes a day to a two pack a day smoker. I smoked every chance that I could get. Any free moment that I had was used for smoking a cigarette. If I got in a car, had a break, or if someone lit up a cigarette, I was lighting up a cigarette. I smoked as many as I could and used every moment that I had to smoke a cigarette.

I tried to quit smoking, but….

How to stop smoking

My family wanted me to quit, but I really did not want to quit smoking. I finally decided that I would quit when I felt I was ready. I told my family that I was not ready and I enjoyed smoking cigarettes. Even though they were upset, they knew that I was the one who had to make that decision myself. I had to be the one who said that I wanted to quit smoking for good.

The last year of smoking, I started thinking about quitting smoking for good. I wanted to quit and thought I would be able to quit easily because I now wanted to quit. Unfortunately, this was not true. I finally realized that I was addicted to cigarettes, addicted to nicotine, and addicted to the lifestyle of smoking cigarettes.

Trying to quit smoking

Through the years, I tried to quit smoking many times with many different methods. I tried the cold turkey method, the nicotine patches, medication from my physician, hypnosis, nicotine gum, and any method that I could find. There were so many good ideas, good advice, but all of them failed in the past. In the past, I really did not want to quit smoking because I enjoyed it too much.

Every method I tried was unsuccessful, so I kept smoking. I did want to quit, but did not know what would work for me. I started researching the methods I used, trying to figure out why none of them worked in the past. I needed to discover the reasons I failed to quit smoking in the past and try to figure out which methods would work for me to quit smoking for good.

Quitting smoking takes a lot of mental preparation before a person can become a success. I realized that I had to want it, not just say that I wanted to quit. There is a difference. Once I decided that I was going to quit for good, I started the journey to quitting smoking cigarettes and removing this habit from my life for good.

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    • miakouna profile imageAUTHOR

      miakouna 

      4 years ago

      You are welcome. After dinner was hard for me, but being constantly surrounded by smokers was the worse. I always had the urge to smoke with them....that's when the ecig was the savior. Good luck with quitting. One more bit of advice...you got to day five. You made it past the really hard part, so please don't make yourself restart the process. I'm very happy I quit. No longer have to break away from a gathering to smoke. I really love it.

    • profile image

      Coco 

      4 years ago

      Thank you for sharing. This is the best advice I have read on quitting. Only a smoker knows how one feels or thinks when in quitting. I'm on day five and am doing the patch with the ecig on only the real strong urge I get after dinner. Thank you!

    • 2besure profile image

      Pamela Lipscomb 

      5 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

      Good points on denial! Every smoker goes through the denial of being able to quite anytime. Just like any addict, smoking become to entwined in everything you do, it is very difficult to stop. I stopped in 1977 and am glad it did. Voted up...useful!

    • miakouna profile imageAUTHOR

      miakouna 

      6 years ago

      Thank you very much. I wanted to write a series of articles detailing my thoughts and challenges during this time, hopefully helping everyone else who wants to quit smoking.

      One of the main problems I faced before I quit smoking was the lack of articles that detailed the process of quitting smoking from a person's perspective. All I was able to find was articles explaining the benefits, but not the challenges that the person dealt with daily until they became a nonsmoker.

      Hopefully, I can help someone else quit smoking.

    • patricia_bruce profile image

      patricia_bruce 

      6 years ago from Wisconsin

      I really like this Hub. I like the personalized story and emotion that went into it. Great job!!!

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