What are some of the worst things you can say to someone in grief?

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   brittvan22posted 11 years ago

   What are some of the worst things you can say to someone in grief?
   
   We all deal with death at one time or another, its a part of all our lives. Sometimes people's hurt can really cut you when you are in the grief process. What are some of the worst well meaning words of comfort you heard when you were in grief?
   
   

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   Starmom41posted 11 years ago

   from my POV, the absolute worst is "it was God's will.'
   another is "everything happens for a reason."
   and, one that can add guilt on top of grief:  "He/she would not want you to be sad."

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      brittvan22posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Yes those were the thop three ones that I thought were going to make me scream.

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   JThomp42posted 11 years ago

   The old cliche' "Well they lived a long life". I don't care how long they live, My Grandmother was 75 but it still hurt as badly if she would have been 55.

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      brittvan22posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I know what you mean, like you should be happy. We all have the right to be hurt when our loved ones die.

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      JThomp42posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I totally agree.

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   brittvan22posted 11 years ago

   I agree with you guys those are pretty terrible. I think the best thing someone can say to you is I have no idea how you are feeling and sorry for your loss. Instead they with well wishes and the good intentions in the world slam you with these cliches.

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   MsDoraposted 11 years ago

   In addition to what everyone has said, here is a hub that answers that question very efficiently.  ---- "What Not To Say to the Bereaved" by JayDee Sterling.  Follow the thread --Health--Death and Loss of Life--Grief and Bereavement.

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      brittvan22posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      thanks.

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   Lisa HWposted 11 years ago

   When my father died (at 62, and I was 21), I was at the funeral home when a well meaning and very religious neighbor came up to me and said, "You shouldn't feel sad.  You feel feel joyous."     At the time I knew her mother, who was still alive; so I thought, "Yeah?  Let's see how joyous you are when your mother dies, you moron!"

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      brittvan22posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      My sentiments were just like you, except I said if one more person tells me something like that and they have their mother, it's on. Luckily they didn't. Sometimes the best thing is to say nothing or sorry for your loss can't imagine how you feel.

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   LikaMarieposted 11 years ago

   Well, it depends...  I lost a baby and was told "He wasn't meant to be".  That was definitely the worst.
   
   My grandpa died at 99.5, and he would look at my grandma in bed and just weep...  There was nothing to comfort him, and God finally took him out of his own inner struggle.  It broke my heart to see my Grandpa in this state, and for his benefit, I was glad he is no longer suffering, and is with God.  Yet everyone kept saying they're sorry...  Yeah, sure, I'm sorry he couldn't stay with us, but, more happy for him for not having to stay.

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   kj forceposted 11 years ago

   I know just how you feel......oh well, at least they are not suffering anymore....oh well, they were old and sickly...you must feel so relieved taking care of them was a lot of work....these believe it or not are  " stupid "things that were said when my
   Nana died....at age 97...2 days after my Grandfather's death....she told him on his death bed that she would be there as soon as she could.....that's LOVE....

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      brittvan22posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      People should take more care in what they say, I agree with you, so sorry for your losses. That is beautiful. For me, I lost 3 VIP in 3 months, Mom and 2 uncles; some of the words made me want to clock  them and say really? Thank for your input!

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