Am I betraying the one I love who is addicted to ALCOHOL?

Jump to Last Post 1-4 of 4 discussions (7 posts)
  1. profile image55
    newsy214posted 3 years ago

    My partner has been doing better with drinking but the past couple nights he's drank a pint of booze each night. Last night was the first time he kind of lied to me about getting the alcohol. He voluntarily told me earlier that night that he wasn't going to be drinking because he felt he's done enough for the past couple days. I said great! Then later he went to go close down the pub where he works and came back saying he was going to run to the store to get food. I said okay. But he went to go get a pint of booze. He came to bed hammered. I fell in love with him knowing that he had this problem and he truly has gotten better from the point where he was buying fifths of alcohol and drinking them like water. He admits that he has a problem (told me on our first date). He tells me  "Well I don't drink vodka anymore. I'm weening myself off of alcohol." but I feel that this is denial. He needs help. His family knows he has a problem and I have talked to his sister about it here and there. She used to live with him and has tried to get him into AA but he always refused. I have been sharing updates about how he's been. It's something that he has tried to keep a secret from his family since being confronted about it by his sister the first time. Now she has requested, and I agreed, that all three of us are going to get together this weekend and talk to him about getting help. I don't want to seem like I am betraying his trust by going to his family but he has never fudged the truth to me before. Ever. Until last night.

    Talking to his sister about this may seem like tattling on him but she has been witness to his problem before and his family has voiced to me that they have been kept in the dark for a while and have wanted to know how he is doing with this. My feeling is I'm not going to keep this a secret from the people who love him because alcoholism is a disease just like Cancer is a disease. If he had Cancer and was struggling with that I would not keep it a secret. Same thing. Am I wrong? Am I betraying his trust by going to his sister for assistance in getting him help? His drinking has already cost him a visit to the ER some months ago. That was scary.

    I love him too much to let him keep going on like this and not living up to his full potential. This is a problem. I am quitting social drinking because I  just can't do this. I can't live victim to alcohol.

    1. Sam Montana profile image65
      Sam Montanaposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      I don't think you are betraying him, but I will guess he will see it that way. But in a real sense, you are trying to save his life. I knew someone that drank a lot of vodka and when he got into his 50s, he looked like he was closer to 75. He has gone to the ER so many times, they all know him like family. He still drinks and when he does, his pancreas causes him so much pain that he has to go to the ER. That is the life of someone who cannot quit drinking and it gets much worse when they get older. Not to mention, a DUI is probably next. And if that involves someone else, he could end up in jail for a long time.

      1. MonkeyShine75 profile image73
        MonkeyShine75posted 3 years agoin reply to this

        He probably didn't lie to you. He probably thought he had made up his mind to quit then succumbed to temptation
        Alcohol is the only drug, that a person can die from if they quit cold turkey.
        Why should you keep it a secret when family can help. You need to share the burden with others who love him too
        I've heard that if you start seeing bruises on someone's body, it indicates a serious stage in alcoholism

        1. profile image55
          newsy214posted 3 years agoin reply to this

          He needs to work in a place where he is not surrounded by temptation either. This is so hard.

  2. Kathryn L Hill profile image78
    Kathryn L Hillposted 3 years ago

    You should get the family involved. If he refuses to be helped by all/any of you, you might have to figure out the future by and for yourself.

  3. profile image55
    newsy214posted 3 years ago

    Thank you, everyone. He knows that his family is aware of his problem. I have made him aware that I am in open communication with them about his well-being and he accepts that. I met with his sister for lunch a couple of weeks ago and she along with the rest of his family has known about this for a long time and have been concerned for a long time. He told me the other night that he is ready to quit drinking and start attending church with me. I am along for the ride and I am not going anywhere. I will do everything in my power to keep him well. He has started exercising with me and he does have a strong desire to get healthy again.

    I know what it is like to struggle with an addiction.

  4. profile image55
    newsy214posted 3 years ago

    My BIG concern (as well as a concern that his family has) is that he works in a pub. We don't know how he is going to quit drinking while working in place where he is surrounded by alcohol. He makes really good money and that's his concern about quitting that job is how else is he going to get another job when he's been in this business for over 5 years and make the same kind of money? I told him that he doesn't have to make as much money. We will acclimate to him making less. I am working toward a job making better money, myself.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)