More and more, I simply do not include selective listeners in my life. A selective listener is someone who puts everything they hear into a box (their own paradigm, in Stephen Covey's language). When we do this, we don't hear what others really say. We either block them out entirely, or we hear what we want to hear instead of genuinely listening to the other person's truth.
Well, as I see it, I have nothing to offer those who can't hear me. So I talk a lot less, and I write a lot more. I put out my truth, and let others hear what they will hear.
I may get pretty lonely, but I'll keep writing.
Of course, when it comes to family or to friends we don't want to let go of, this doesn't help. We can't just walk away. So, for those situations I use Gary Chapman's Five Languages of Love (see hub) and Stephen Covey's Habit 5: Seek First to Understand (see hub).
You are very welcome, Ytsenoh. Today, a family member and a friend each stepped up to the plate with a new level of openness in the way they listen. Love and patience are what I do no matter what. And it is wonderful to see others blossom!
Dealing with a selective listener is like dealing with a spoiled child. They only hear what they want to hear so it seems pointless to take them seriously in my life. Take them with a grain of sat and don't make them a priority in your life.
Find something that you know will surely get their attention and once you have it, say what you need to say. You can't control if they tune you out or not so all you can do is make an effort and let them decide the rest.
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