If the root of many abusive victims lie in the lack of self-esteem—how can this be strengthen?
Most abusive people are predators. These predators feed on the negative feelings of others to generate fear and inflate their own ego. They will seek out people who are alone or with small children who demonstrate characteristics of vulnerability. People who have positive self-esteem have a different posture and aurora. How can this confidence be nurtured in those who lack this trait?
Life is a (personal) journey.
Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
Our lives are for the most part the end result of the choices (we've) made along the way.
There is no getting around the above statements. One of the reasons abusive relationships will always be with us is because no one can think or make decisions for another person! It is nearly impossible to protect people from themselves!
We also cannot dictate their preferences or their mate selection criteria.
Awhile back I saw a dating show where one woman told another that she likes her men to have some "thug" in them. Clearly she is someone who is attracted men who have an (edge) or temper with some bullying traits. Have you ever noticed that most gangsters have no problem finding women to be with? Some women are attracted to "dominant men" and view it as strength.
I've also heard women say: "I'm a strong woman and I need a strong man who can handle me." Generally speaking they're not talking about physical strength. What many of them usually mean is they want a man who will "stand up to them" in an argument/fight and not walk away or be "passive aggressive".
In both of those instances these women are intentionally seeking out men who are likely to have a violent nature. However there are some women who truly are victims of a "bait & switch". Initially the guy was tender and romantic and after there was an emotional commitment he revealed his other side.
Self-esteem is a gift you give yourself. Too often the victim sticks around hoping the (abuser) will change but it is her/him that needs to change!
If you want something different (you) have to do something different!
Unfortunately most people would rather attempt to change the world than to change themselves.
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde
Clearly if someone is abusing their mate they don't think they're "special".
Never separate your mind from your heart when making relationship decisions. The purpose of the mind is to protect the heart.
Ignoring "red flags" and refusing to acknowledge or take advantage of other "options" imprisons oneself.
Low self esteem becomes ingrained in a person from the way they are treated in their childhood. It's like grinding a piece of chalk into fine powder and mixing it in with flour. After a while you can't tell the difference. If a child is constantly told that he/she is ugly, stupid or bad, these negative concepts become blended into the child's psyche and that's what he becomes. The saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may never hurt me," is not true. Words do hurt and leave wounds that may never heal. To strengthen someone's self esteem will take a lot of affirmation and spiritual cleansing. Just as the child was told over and over that she was no good, so she would have to be reaffirmed that she is good, she is worthwhile and she is lovable. Unfortunately, that rarely happens and the person continues to gravitate to someone who will abuse her and treat her the way she is used to being treated.
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