What do you do or say if you found out your teen-almost adult contracted a STD?
What does a parent do in this type of situation?
Wow. First, I'd deal with the physical stuff: get the kid to a doctor, and get them healthy again, if possible, or on the appropriate regime to maintain their condition.
Then, I'd deal with the obvious lack of education about safe sex, and the consequences of choices. I doubt any kid of mine would have made it to that age without that education, but, assuming I dropped the ball, there would be a lot of discussion about prevention, and how the choices made now will influence their future, and the future of their partners.
Once you've already had "the talk" about sex and the various consequences there's very little you can do short of locking them up.
The reality is you hope some of what you've attempted to instill in them resonates. However in the end everyone of us chose to ignore some advice our parents gave us. We believed we were smarter!
A large part of being a teenager is the belief that your parents came from a different world and have no idea of what is going on today.
Teens and parents live in parallel universes that rarely intersect.
Every human being will make their fair share of mistakes. You just hope none of them are life altering or lead to death.
As a parent all you can do is reiterate what you've taught them and possibly reinforce it with video clips or graphic photos of people who gambled and lost. You could even Google images of people with various STDs to show the appearance of their diseased sex organs.
That would depend. Which type of STD did he/she contract? How old is the teen? How old is their partner?
The very first thing I would do is thank my teenager for letting me know. I would avoid being angry and/or punishing them for telling me the truth. You want those lines of communication to be open, always. Then I would do exactly as lisavollrath said and get them to the appropriate medical attention. Follow that up with more education about safe sex, both birth control and STD's and let them know that I am there if they ever have any questions. It's common knowledge now days that abstinence pledges make a teenager no more or less likely to engage in sexual activities so I would skip that. Besides, in this case, it has already happened. Instead focus on the right reasons to engage in sex or sexual activities and how to do so appropriately and safely. This includes talking about domestic violence (both boys and girls need to know that it is not okay to hit or be hit or coerced/forced into sexual activities).
Before I read on let me clarify she doesn't know that I know I take her today to the dr so she can tell her the lab results I found out by accident the dr asst gave me her prescription when I went to go pick up a referral for something else! Thanks
If she isn't aware that you already know I would give her a chance to tell you first. Finding out you have an STD is a big deal, even for an adult who isn't going through lots of hormonal changes. Or, bring it up when you give her the prescription.
Other people have talked about the necessary steps to keep your child well physically, but I want to take the time to emphasize communication.
I don't have kids myself, but I do know some people who've been in your child's situation. The mental anguish they are going through, from being mad at themselves, to the fear of rejection from their family and peers, is rough. So, please talk to your child.
It doesn't have to be about sex; it can be about fun things, random things, things they want to do in their future. Let them know that they are NOT their STD by treating them as you always have. There seems to be a comfort in the normalcy.
Don't punish them by detaching from them. Withholding your empathy as some sort of "punishment" will damage them for the rest of their lives.
Well said I totally agree and that is exactly what I've done I just let her know that I love her and I ever wanted to do was protect her from things like this and that I still do! Thanks for answering
This stuff is tough on anyone, but especially for someone who is still trying to find herself. Thank YOU for being a good parent and supporting her.
I agree 100%, while physical treatment is important, your teenage will need love, reassurance, and support. As I said before, this would be difficult for an adult, let alone a teenager.
that would break my heart because I would have taught them so much better.I would though be there for the child because moms love is unconditional
First off, I would do such a good job of communicating with them, teaching them, supervising them, being truly involved in their lives and showing them the dire consequences of sex too soon/without a monogamous marriage/etc., that this would most likely not happen.
If it did happen despite my efforts, I would make sure they saw a doctor, make sure that they were not molested or abused and then I would basically enact a lockdown until they could prove (in "test" opportunities) that they have learned from this and prove they can be trusted to make better decisions for themselves and their future. Great thing I choose not to have kids though
I support the notion other hubbers made: punishing them would be pointless. If there's one good thing about this kind of grave consequences it's that they leave a deeper impression and give a better understanding of the situation than any amount of nagging or lecturing (or even patiently educating) ever could have. I'd give my kid wholehearted support and make sure they have access to the best medical and educational resources I can provide, but also avoid walking them through everything by hand or trying to shield them from anything unpleasant. It's their body, having sex was their decision and responsibility, so now they should learn how to face the consequences - it's a skill they're really going to need in their upcoming adulthood.
Now that I'm rereading my post, it sounds kind of cold, haha. To clarify, I agree with Nicole Grizzle completely: shutting your kid out emotionally when they're likely already scared and stressed wouldn't be good parenting. So I'd try my best to be there for them, but resist the urge to coddle and go the "Mommy will make everything better" route.
Are you getting treatment? What type?
Did he tell you he had this? If not, when will you tell him you're breaking up?
And what are you going to do next time so you don't contract an infection?
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