How would you raise the self-esteem of an 8 year with a low self-concept?

1. 71

   Medusa13posted 9 years ago

   How would you raise the self-esteem of an 8 year with a low self-concept?
   
   My son has Tourette Syndrome and anxiety. He has had a low self-esteem since about the age of 4. He is bright and does well in school, but has social skills deficits. He loves being with friends, but tries to control situations. He is not a big fan of the sports actitivites as we have tried many, and he fights us on going to them. He hates being watched in any type of activity and doesn't want us to stay during the events (soccer games, wrestling, etc.). He is extremely clever and hilarious, but hates getting compliments. I need creative ways of  how to boost this unique child's self-image.

   replyreport
2. 0

   TheBizWhizposted 9 years ago

   I know you said he has done sports, but what about martial arts like karate. My wife is a child psychiatrist and she always recommends that for patients self-esteem

   replyreport
   1. 71

      Medusa13posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      His father and I did try that when he was 5. He didn't like it and doesn't want to try it again. I really wish he would as I know it could help him in that area. Pushing him to do it just raises his anxiety.

      replyreport
   2. 0

      TheBizWhizposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Art can also be a great avenue. Playing a musical instrument, drawing, painting, or writing is something he can practice alone in his room as well as be taught by an instructor.

      replyreport
3. 78

   quildonposted 9 years ago

   Hi Chelsea,
   It doesn't sound to me like your child has low self-esteem. You said he does well in school but has social skills deficits. Yet you say he loves being with friends but tries to control situations. This is not typical of a child with low self-esteem. However, if you think you need to do more you can begin by praising and affirming him every time he does something well, that way he may not feel he has to be in control. Someone already recognizes his worth.
   
   If he doesn't like sports, don't push him. It will, as you said, raise his anxiety. Instead, encourage him in the things he does like. Show him that you love and appreciate him for who he is and not for what he can do. Let him know that when you pay him a compliment you really mean it and are not trying to embarrass him. Hope this helps.

   replyreport
   1. 71

      Medusa13posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I wish it was true that he didn't have a low self-esteem. His self-deprivating comments are very frequent, especially in school. He will only accept compliments if they are specific and in the moment, and I do my best to accommodate this need at home

      replyreport
4. 68

   connorjposted 9 years ago

   
   
   To raise the self-esteem in anybody one must provide something for them to learn by practicing, practicing, practicing and then it must culminate in a type of victory or a winning situation for the individual. Ideally it should be a team situation where the group must interact to create a tangible synergy to provide an outcome of accolades of some sort. This type of situation increases self-esteem and cooperative actions when success visits. Perhaps learning a musical instrument like a violin, drums... and then participating in a youth orchestra or even becoming a competitive step-dancer in a group/troupe. It is highly aerobic and its nature can lend it to children with similar disabilities. During dance performances the students' focus centers students with certain disabilities and seems to reduce the occurrence of their outbursts...

   replyreport
   1. 71

      Medusa13posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      He is starting an instrument next year.However, the struggle will be the concerts as he hates being watched/the center of attention.He had an anxiety attack yesterday as I went to watch his soccer game.If he feels he will fail, he won't attempt it.

      replyreport
   2. 68

      connorjposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      The significant aspect about an orchestra is he does not have to stand out; he can simply blend in...

      replyreport
   3. 71

      Medusa13posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      It is hoped. However, that didn't go over well for soccer. Maybe the instrument will be better, but I am pretty sure he still won't let his dad or I watch him in concerts. He says when family watches him, it makes him more anxious and nervous.

      replyreport
5. 85

   peachpurpleposted 9 years ago

   quite a big problem, a smart kid but hates to see the postiive sides, try giving him encouragement not in the public since he hates that. Do it privately at home, he should be ok, let him mix with kids his age more often

   replyreport
   1. 71

      Medusa13posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      You are correct. He focuses on the negatives. His dad and I are trying to find ways for him to interact with kids his age more often where there is little pressure on him to perform or compete which would cause anxiety.

      replyreport