Did you ever have a crisis only to discover the support system you thought you had was non-existent?
When my 5-year-old son was diagnosed with autism, I thought I had a solid group of family, friends, and co-workers to help me through this terrible time (the worst in my life). However, I quickly discovered that my support system was not supportive at all. I never felt so scared, alone, and hopeless. Now, 10 years later, my son is doing great (he's high functioning), but I've never gotten over the hurt and shock of not getting the support I so desperately needed. Has something similar happened to you and how did you cope?
Generally speaking at most in my life I may have needed to (borrow) some money once or twice and even with that I paid it back (asp).
I'm not sure if I'm unique but I have few expectations of my family and friends other than no backstabbing, betrayal, or toxic behavior.
I have no problem removing them out of my circle if they did.
My philosophy is "Life is a (personal) journey" and you get to (choose) who you spend your time with.
There are two ways people become disappointed with friends & family.
1. They made (hypothetical) "assumptions" or "expectations".
2. Family and friends (actually promised them) but failed to deliver.
I also believe it's human nature for people to believe their friends and family would do things for them because the individual would do it for (them). Nevertheless that's not their friends or family's fault.
I suspect there are lots of elderly folks with adult children who never imagined they'd end up living in nursing homes!
They (assumed) their children would take them into their homes during those final years.
The only way to cope with disappointment is to forgive them for not living up to (your) expectations and forgive (yourself) for assuming they would act as you would given the same set of circumstances.
More often than not the disappointment is with the (degree) people are willing to assist us. Most people aren't going to do much that causes them discomfort or puts a strain on their marriage/household. Our problems are not their problems.
We learn to accept whatever help they are (comfortable) giving.
You also have to always be looking for programs and services that specialize in offering assistance to people in specific circumstances.
The only person we can change is ourselves.
In order to move on you have to let go.
Wow, there's a lot of truth in all you say. The help I received for my son and me came from professionals, not family and friends. I've learned to be pleasantly surprised when family offers support, but never expect it.
I love the term "pleasantly surprised" as a way of living.
I may have to borrow it from you!
Making assumptions and having expectations often leads to heartache and disappointment. Best wishes!
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