What do you do if you have an unsupportive, unloving family?

1. 74

   Handicapped Chefposted 10 years ago

   What do you do if you have an unsupportive, unloving family?
   
   

   replyreport
2. 85

   kaiyan717posted 10 years ago

   Surround yourself with those that are, whether it be in church, at work or anywhere else.

   replyreport
   1. 74

      Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      But would that feel the void of your family and love ones

      replyreport
3. 75

   Lavender Jadeposted 10 years ago

   I have an unsupportive family, I tried and tried to make things good, but it never worked, I now don't see any of them, and it is very hard.  I now have my own family and would never push them away or try to make their life hard like I had done to me.  It is something I don't think you ever get over, but you have to learn to live with.  You have to decide whether the pain of them being unloving and unsupporting to you all time is worth the bother, and if you are best just cutting the ties and getting on with your life in your own way. 
   Be strong and keep going your own way, and be in the knowlege that it is not you.

   replyreport
   1. 74

      Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Rejection is terrible, no matter who is rejecting whom. When rejection comes from family it is a doubly bitter pill - these are the people who should be a main stay in your life, but sometime you just have to let go step back and live your life.

      replyreport
4. 73

   lburmasterposted 10 years ago

   Motivate yourself or find someone to help you along the way. Family is always supposed to be close and it is depressing when they are not. However, you still need to find someone to help you. Gather a support group. It could be a bunch of your closest friends or a church group. Even one or two friends who read books, watch the same movies, are shopping buddies. Try a mentor at work or at school.

   replyreport
   1. 74

      Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with you motivation is an internal process that makes a person move toward a goal no matter what it is.

      replyreport
5. 59

   AUPADHYAYposted 10 years ago

   Hardships and difficulties with a glimpse of hurdles in the life sharpens the power of a person and encourages him to face the problems. The truth that no one will support, is the best condition to conquer the battle of life with own power because the denial of support in the situation of being relied upon earlier, will make the person helpless and handicapped to face the problems. It should always be kept in mind that GOD HELP THOSE, WHO HELP THEMSELVES.

   replyreport
   1. 74

      Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      God has promised each and every one of us that we will face difficulties and The real test for us is how we deal with these trials.  However difficult the hardships may be, God always helps the believers and intends good for them.

      replyreport
6. 90

   suzettenaplesposted 10 years ago

   How sad.  I guess you would have the opportunity to 'choose' your family through friends.

   replyreport
   1. 74

      Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      What are you referring your statement too.

      replyreport
7. 74

   soconfidentposted 10 years ago

   I've learned to motivate myself. The fact that it feels as if I'm alone, makes me more motivated to work hard.

   replyreport
   1. 74

      Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      When it comes to motivating and pushing yourself, it's usually filled with cliché advice. Don't give up, Get over it or Always look on the bright side of things

      replyreport
8. 0

   Sri Tposted 10 years ago

   Go deeply into God, because one with God is a majority. Just repeat a Name of God  constantly, your choice. Have the greatest love for yourself. If you go deep enough, in a very short time, your life will become sheer ecstasy. You will become extremely powerful and enlightened. A tremendous wisdom and love will suddenly come upon you. Unusual spiritual powers will be yours. You will be raised beyond the normal human consciousness. You will become revered and highly sought after because of an extraordinary charisma. And most importantly, you can help liberate others.

   replyreport
   1. 74

      Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Love of God grows as you mature in life. We become grateful for all his gifts, such as the beauty of creation and our family and friends even in bad time we should seek him for guidance

      replyreport
9. 91

   LongTimeMotherposted 10 years ago

   Adopt a different family that will take you in and love you and make you feel like you belong ... and when you create your own family in the future, make sure you avoid all the mistakes your original family made.

   replyreport
   1. 74

      Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Some time it is not that easy you can not turn away from the love you want from your own family a love that should have left in the first place it makes you start asking if it was you were the reason the don't love you...

      replyreport
   2. 91

      LongTimeMotherposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I have been a foster mother. When children don't receive love or support from their birth parents, it can be very exciting to be embraced by a new family where they are loved. Then, as an adult, create their own loving family. Can't blame them.

      replyreport
   3. 74

      Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      LongTimeMother ........well said. you can be brought into a family that is loving and caring and learn to trust love and then take that with you when start your own family

      replyreport
10. 84

    gmwilliamsposted 10 years ago

    There are some families who are loving and supportive of each other.Then there are families who are.........NOT read more

    replyreport
    1. 74

       Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Emotional abuse has been associated with parents’
       own histories of maltreatment and experience of less
       than optimal relationships with carers The experience of
       emotional abuse hasbeen noted to affect
       ability to cope with and manage stressful situatio

       replyreport
11. 69

    DrRebeccaSandersposted 10 years ago

    I have two of my three brothers left in this world after losing one of them a few years ago.  One brother is a God-send!  He frequently pops in (even though he lives an hour away) to help me tackle things in the yard or just to take me out to eat or a movie.  The other brother (who lives only a few minutes away) rarely makes contact and frequently belittles me when he does see me.  The last time I saw him was at a birthday dinner (that I organized for him).  That's where he told me he knew I hated him, or that I was hateful - or something like that.  So, I decided that the best thing I could do for him is just to leave him alone.  I haven't spoken to him since.  After all, if someone hates you (which is an awfully strong word - and no, I don't hate him), why would you want to have them around you?  There was a 10-year difference in our ages, and I've never really been close to him; but, I'm honestly tired of trying to build that relationship.

    replyreport
    1. 74

       Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       your right you  need to distance yourself. Depending on how bad this person is, you need to take a step back. Remember, if you are extremely stressed, and your own mental health is at stake, don't have anything to do with him. I know it's hard.

       replyreport
12. 0

    ctbrown7posted 10 years ago

    There are two things you can do:
    
    First, try and surround yourself by supportive friends. You might also find a good support system through a club or religious organization.
    
    Second, and this might be the hard one, you show your family how you love them by being supportive to them. Loving others as you'd like to be loved is the most influential way to get others to change. It may take a lot of patience, but it may cause some of your family members to change.

    replyreport
    1. 74

       Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       I believe everyone in your family plays a vital role in helping to build or reinforce Family Assets, and everyone benefits from a strong family but it takes more than just you it has to be a group effort .

       replyreport
13. 60

    rexyposted 10 years ago

    New technology - if you are lucky find your self a cyber lover.... they will understand you more.... and are fun ....

    replyreport
    1. 74

       Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       True but you can't take it to dinner and a movie and it will never invite you out on a date....ect...it's more to life than cyber beings.

       replyreport
14. 60

    LensMan999posted 10 years ago

    If I have such a family I willl definitely find a method to change their attitudes towards each other. I won't think about their behaviour towards me alone. The best thing to change this is to teach them how to love each other. It can be done by teaching them the lessons of love. I will start loving them more and make them aware of it, rather than saying that I love my family a lot.
    Luckily I have a very loving and supportive family. But this method could be tried by those who feel that they don't get the support of their family.

    replyreport
    1. 74

       Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       LensMann99  Well said I agree with you I would also try but there are times when trying is not enough then what do you do being turned away when your trying is going to be a hurting experience each and every times.

       replyreport
15. 76

    dorothy0328posted 10 years ago

    Well having a supportive and loving family usually means a lot to a person, however that is not always the way it goes in life. My advice to you would be do what you need to do to make yourself happy. Don't sacrifice your own happiness to make them happy especially if they do not support your choices or you in general. If they are worthy enough for you to attempt to make them happy and it don't affect your life then by all means try if you wish. All though your family may not care to support you, your friends on the other hand may. Try turning to a trusted friend or even your pastor/ priest if you have one when in time of need. You do not need the approval of your family to do what makes you happy. Trust in God, yourself and your close friends to carry you through. You may have more support then you know about. Good luck with everything.

    replyreport
    1. 74

       Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       It's not about me it's just a question I was asking.

       replyreport
16. 0

    Joanne M Olivieriposted 10 years ago

    My motto is always put yourself first.  You and only you are responsible for your own success and happiness.  While it is nice to have family support you, they are not always there for you.  The support you give yourself in self sufficiency is all you need to be happy and successful.

    replyreport
    1. 74

       Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       I think being able to maintain oneself or itself without outside aid is something we all strive for but there are those who can no do that for one reason or  another that were the support of family and or friend comes in to play.

       replyreport
17. 61

    Grace-Wolf-30posted 10 years ago

    You find your inner strength and find the balance between your heart and mind before you let them guide you. You surround yourself only with people who truly care for you and make you feel good about yourself, and you build your own family.

    replyreport
    1. 74

       Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       To find your inner strength, you need to come to terms with who you are and learn how to value your unique contributions to the world but that's not easy and some people just can't handle rejection.

       replyreport
18. 72

    moronkeeposted 10 years ago

    I don't quarrel with them. I just leave them alone. I go my way and they don';t communicate with me but I pray for them and the salvation of their soul.

    replyreport
    1. 74

       Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Some time you just have to do just that and that's hard when your wanting hat fay love hat your longing for.

       replyreport
19. 53

    EmmieCarmiposted 10 years ago

    Get some great friends in your life, sometimes some friends will be better supportive and loving than your own family.

    replyreport
    1. 74

       Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       When friends become like family, they're framily. closer than close, they may know you better than your own family.

       replyreport
20. 60

    AMAZING THINKERposted 10 years ago

    I will not let it be my weakness, but my strength.
    Know that, without obstacles there is no success and never give up your dreams.
    And remember god loves you and you should too.
    P.S
    live for your dreams and helping and loving others.

    replyreport
    1. 74

       Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Believing that things happen to you puts you in the role of victim; then it’s easy to be negative because it’s convenient to give up that power so you must be strong with in your own self to move forward.

       replyreport
21. 83

    rohanfelixposted 10 years ago

    To be honest, I don't have an answer to your question, but the situation is something I am very familiar with. Maybe people like you and I can support each other.

    replyreport
    1. 74

       Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Sometimes, a short intervention to provide technical support by an international partner or by a neighbouring friend is a very good thing

       replyreport
22. 77

    PoeticPhilosophyposted 10 years ago

    Oo.. I have been in this mess, still am It just doesn't affect me.
    You want to start acting positive, say more positive thing's even if this is so hard at first, say thing's that will even encourage your family member, tell them dinner was delicious, they look nice today any number of compliment's and they are now seeing a positive view of what your projecting, this can help dramatically.
    
    But if your problem is people negatively putting you down and thing's, the best thing you can do.. Is laugh at it. Laugh with them, don't let it put you down all your doing is creating that thought, but if they say something negative laugh with them say well I think it will work, or whatever it is and change the subject. But once you start saying positive thing's this is going to build your confidence/aura and you will be more immune and immune to people being negative to you. All the best to ya

    replyreport
    1. 74

       Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Unfortunately, negative people may not be concerned with the effect their behavior has on others; they simply want to get rid of their own uncomfortable feelings ...

       replyreport
23. 88

    savvydatingposted 10 years ago

    If you choose to keep them in your life, then you will have to speak up in a calm manner. I know what it is like to have a family member say unkind things and point out all of my flaws. What I also came to realize is that their faults were much more glaringly obvious than my own, yet they didn't see them, even though I was willing to admit mine. So, for example, if they accuse you of being selfish or inflexible or weak, or whatever the case may be, just calmly say, "Do you care to explain what you mean by that? Then you can get some clarification. If their idea of clarification is nonsense, then say, "I'm not sure where you are going with this, but it sounds like you are saying ..................
    If their next reply still makes no sense, then just say, "I disagree." Just take baby steps. It's hard I know, because when your family says unkind things, it cuts deeply. But whatever you do, don't laugh with them if they poke fun. And if you disagree with something, then let them know you do not agree each time they say cruel things. Otherwise, they get in the habit of saying unkind things; it is as if they feel it is their right. This is especially cruel when you know they can dish it out, but they can't take it. I don't think you have to go out of your way for them if they are acting badly. Just keep your dignity and remind yourself of your worth. If you have to call the kettle black (point out their shortcomings) then sometimes we just have to be ready for "all hell to break loose." But it is best to refrain from that method until you feel confident about who you really are, despite who they say you are. One other thing, if you have done nothing wrong, there is no need to apologize. Best of luck to you.

    replyreport
    1. 74

       Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       I think people should stop anger and actually be nice to someone, no matter how mean they have become. You can become "one of the nicest people" you'll ever meet, but bear in mind that you are the only one who can make this significant change in you.

       replyreport
    2. 88

       savvydatingposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Hi Chef. Perhaps this question is only hypothetical for you. At any rate, if you can be nice in the face of hostility, that is truly remarkable. I'll stick with my calm clarification method. I can be calm, but not necessarily nice...

       replyreport
    3. 74

       Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       I can relate to your comment I just have a thick skin but I do not let anyone run over me believe that but to me talk is talk what does not kill me will only make me will only make me stronger.

       replyreport
    4. 88

       savvydatingposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Hi Chef, You're a good man, and I believe that you do not let people run over you. I agree that anger breeds more anger. Talk is good, but it comes to naught if the other party is in denial of their deliberate cruelty, but it helps with most people.

       replyreport
    5. 74

       Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       savvydating..Your right Intentional cruelty is often more shocking than neglect and is frequently an indicator of a serious human behavior problem for  person to do something like tells me they need help..

       replyreport
    6. 88

       savvydatingposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Hi Chef, I've come to the same conclusion. Anyone who lacks empathy to that extent needs therapy, but they are also the least likely to seek help. "People of the Lie" by Dr. Peck discusses this problem.

       replyreport
24. 59

    seoexprtmposted 10 years ago

    To be honest, I don't do anything. Because I want PEACE.
    Thanks

    replyreport
    1. 74

       Handicapped Chefposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Well that's your opinion but o one should et anyone walk all over you or take advantage of you some time  you have to voice your feelings.

       replyreport