The popular definition of forgiveness is to let go and let God, but that means you leave punishment to the afterlife and/or authorities. It does not mean the person doesn't have to face consequences.
The misunderstanding of "forgive and forget" is that it assumes you have responsibility for it, not the person who did wrong, and it is all now better.
The actual act of forgiveness requires:
1. The person who did harm stop doing so
2. The person who did the harm seek to undo the harm, not just say sorry or make excuses
3. It is the option to forgive is yours, only after they stop doing harm.
This model means you don't have to forgive someone who still abuses you, uses you, attacks you. In fact, you shouldn't, because endlessly forgiving it enables the evil and doesn't stop the harm.
You only have the option to forgive when they stop AND make up for it in a tangible way - and being sorry they were caught isn't enough. Your choice, though, is whether to forgive after they've made theirs.
You can punish someone for their crimes or wrongdoing without anger, because it is an obligation to society to punish wrong to discourage that person and others from doing more wrong. And you can do this without being angry, just as a judge sentencing a murderer to die doesn't have to hate the murderer - just want to stop the murders.
And you can seek to stop the wrongdoing and refuse to tolerate further bad deeds without anger.
So do let go of the anger while standing on your principles, but don't just forgive someone who has not stopped the acts and sought to make up for it. And you can still seek to punishment or make them make right without being angry, despite "forgiveness".
It depends on the level and severity of the resentment.
It also depends on whether the cause of the resentment is based on multiple occurrences. In which case, forgiveness doesn't settle anything.
For minor resentments sure, forgive and forget.
For large resentments maybe work to a resolution that counters the resentment.
For huge and lengthy resentments either take it out of view, or purge your grievances on the resenting source. By the former, I mean take it out of your path, so that it can dissipate with time.
It can be very hard to forgive those who cause deep harm. Trying to force yourself to forgive them can layer pain upon pain, because trying to forgive can feel like the imposition of a moral obligation to deny the existence of one's own suffering, which in a way can feel like wishing suffering upon oneself. It might be better to forgive the universe in general, in these situations, rather than the particular individual who caused pain. Then maybe forgive the social forces or ideas that led to the person's actions against you, even if you don't understand them fully. Then maybe eventually forgive the exact person. Don't hold on to anger, but don't try to force it away, either. Never force it. It's okay to just think about something else and let the past rest in the past.
I know of another way to let go of resentments - acceptance.
It is one of the ways as it releases you from fear; insecurities ....
Love is the only way, but we can say that forgiveness is a by product; a part of the process.
The transformation of human nature requires a one-pointed Faith or devotion in Something Higher; prayer both verbal and non-verbal, with much frequency and discipline; soulful or selfless service to mankind as well as meditation or silent prayer.
All these in time will attract the Higher Forces (Grace), causing them/it to enter once the inner vessel is receptive and thus transform ones nature. Soulful service to others will expand the Heart and enhance receptivity to the divine flow of Grace. Purity and Gratitude are also necessary.
What is Purity? Purity is the inner vessel that holds or houses the Light. If our windows remain open, then the sunshine can come in. So the curtains of fear, jealousy, resentment, greed, lust ...all need to be diminished and finally extinguished one day. Do not rush. Simply offer yourself to the Divine and let It guide you. Much Love.
by LaVieja 8 years ago
People often say forgive and forget, but is it true? Can you forgive someone despite not forgetting? Or does true forgiveness only come when it is forgotten?
by Anan Celeste 6 years ago
Do you know how to forgive? Can you forget?It's rather easy to say I forgive you,but is it always so?
by JP Carlos 5 years ago
Where do you draw strength to forgive someone who did something wrong to you?
by R9139 2 years ago
Could you forgive a friend if they stole from you?
by Rishad I Habib 23 months ago
Can you forgive a man who has raped you?Emotion is impermanent just like everything else in this world. Nothing lives forever. Just like happiness - anger & hatred may not last forever as well...I believe it wont be easy to forgive a rapist but would it matter after 30 - 40 years of the...
by Lita C. Malicdem 5 years ago
How Do you Forgive?How do you forgive someone who insists that he had not done you wrong when you were in fact hurt by him?
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