sorry for myself moment - how do i eradicate these?

1. 61

   saltposted 13 years ago

   i went to an art class today and the woman who ran them said at the end, after she seemed ok earlier, that the others in the class were quieter today.. implying because of me... and it seemed she didnt want me back at the class, so I said.. oh, forget it and walked out..
   
   I seem to be having this effect lately, and I wonder what has created this for me.

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      Precious Williamsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      You use the phrases "implying that..." and "seemed to me...". From what you have written, you don't actually know what your art teacher was thinking and yet you're wasting a lot of energy making assumptions and tying yourself up in knots.  Please don't.  It's not worth it.  If you enjoyed the class, then go back and don't worry about what the teacher may or may not think.  As so many people have said before you cannot change other people you can only change how you react to them.  This equally applies to your family.  I spent many years trying to please mine but you know I never will and now I don't worry about it, because at the end of the day they don't know the real me.  More importantly I don't need them to know the real me.  Good luck on your journey.

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      David Schulzeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I think it is ok and good for us to "have a feel sorry" for ourselves moment.  We can cry for a bit then get back into the ball game.

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      Greek Oneposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I would have replied..
      
      'don't worry.. i don't care what they say or don't say... like I've told them before, you are a good instructor, and if they don't like you, they don't have to come back to class.  I am so sick of all their negativity.. you have every right to teach.  Sure, you aren't the best in the world, but the stuff they keep going on and on about is just way to cruel"

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   Website Examinerposted 13 years ago

   Could it be that you have outgrown your former self? Maybe time to look for new playmates, new challenges more befitting your current temperament and level of development?
   
   Breaking with things past may be painful, growth aches, but that doesn't necessarily mean there is anything wrong with you or that it is something bad. The world will not change, but you have the freedom to move to different circles.

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      katiem2posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Really good advice, You may have something to offer people that currently aren't prepared for your contribution.  Feritle soil, if what you do where you do it does not prove fruitful move on....
      
      "those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still"
      
      Plus,
      
      Other's opinion of me is none of my business,  Peace

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3. 61

   saltposted 13 years ago

   website, that is lovely, thankyou. I sense some of that in this with relationships changing and having had this type of reaction from my expartners family, I feel Ive had this energy around me.. and that it is mirroring around me. Now, I am wanting to move forward or change life circumstances, yet dont wish harm on another who - I might add has been rather mean to me.

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4. 0

   Website Examinerposted 13 years ago

   It is not always easy to transit from one point to another. But at least, knowing that you are driven by an energy that urges you to move on sounds like a positive starting point, which should make you well-equipped to deal with others.

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      saltposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thankyou web examiner, you are insightful. I wonder what this energy is? As at times, it has been quite an aggressive energy that has been a catayst for moving.

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   Website Examinerposted 13 years ago

   Salt, you are very welcome to my humble opinions, which are in fact pure speculation. If you are as creative and dynamical as you seem to be, you probably have that inner clock keeping track of time, telling you to move on when need be.

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   Jane@CMposted 13 years ago

   Salt, I would point blank ask the instructor what it is that bothers he/she about you?  So were you talking too much?  Is this an adult "quiet" art class?  Are you enjoying yourself in the class?  If you are, then do not quit!

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7. 61

   saltposted 13 years ago

   Oh, I did - her work is good, yet basic, so I can learn from someone more creative. I did like the class. I was quiet because I was happy working away. Others seemed ok too.. maybe she had a negative moment.. I dont know, yet she had been so kind about my pretty basic drawing in class.. it was when I asked about next week and told her what I wanted to learn. She seemed to want students who want to be a bit like her.. where Im happy to develop my own style.
   
   Just didnt think she was going to imply that I was a problem.. yet, my expartners family all see me as the problem. So it must be rubbing off, as when he was in hospital recently for 6 weeks, I was very happy and productive.

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8. 83

   timorousposted 13 years ago

   Hi salt;
   Perhaps you don't like others telling you how to live your life, to conform to their ideals.  I know I don't.  I like being independant, a sort of quiet rebel.  Still, we can't totally reject others just because we don't agree with them.  It would be a lonely world without regular interaction with other humans..it's in our nature.
   
   You need to examine what you're doing or saying to others that is putting them off somehow.  Maybe you're under more stress than usual, and lashing out at people for no apparent reason.  Are you eating healthy meals?  Inadequate food intake can certainly affect one's mood.  Too much sugar can do that too.
   
   Merely suggestions or speculation on my part..since I don't know you personally.
   
   Just relax and think positively. Cheers

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      saltposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      No, I think she was just being mean to me, yet I got some inspiration from her and I am grateful for that.
      
      And I thankyou. I really did take it badly at the time, yet I think that was ok. I was probably meant to have that experience.

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   optimus grimlockposted 13 years ago

   I wouldnt worry about what other people think, just be yourself and like website said find new playmates.

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10. 0

    ralwusposted 13 years ago

    i don't think Vincent was so nice to be around much either. you think he would have fit into her class?
    

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       KeithTaxposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       I like that, Ralwus. Your point is for everyone to follow/consider.
       
       Salt, make your life the masterpiece you want it to be. Living someone else's dream means you never lived at all.

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       saltposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Thanks, I see this one a bit differently now than I did since Ive had a few art classes.. thankyou so much and I dont have to be what others want me to be.((())) Thankyou!

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11. 87

    donotfearposted 13 years ago

    It hurts when somebody sends a mixed message; one can take it one way or the other. Double meanings.  But, Salt, are you internalizing this?  Maybe it's not you at all, maybe it's other people. 
    
    Sometimes we can be surrounded (or seem to be) by folks who just can't take us the way we are. I live in a culture/area where the mindset is slanted WAY one way.  When someone thinks & acts out of the looking glass, you get raised eyebrows & brush-offs.
    
    Of course, it's always important to look at ourselves, and see how we react, & examine how we come across to others in order to make an effort to 'pull-back' if we need to.  I found group therapy to be a wonderful outlet for determining how I come across to others.  I've learned that with my personality style, and sometimes 'over-zealous' attitude, it puts some people on the defensive.  So I've had to learn to hold myself in, at times.
    
    I'll just bet it's not you, my dear.  It's easy to be sensitive when one is wired that way. It's your genetic makeup. Be with it, see it, feel it, hold it close.  Then let something go if you must.
    
    You've had some great advice here. Bless you and don't give up!!~!

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       saltposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       You are right, in many situations, I choose to be the one who says what others sometimes dont wish to. I do do that on purpose when I sense injustice or feel that I should voice something.
       
       I was quiet that day and really happy to go to an art class and just colour. I did an exercise with a sphere and it came out more textured than expected, yet I knew the energy with me that day was textured and another day it would be less so... I think she saw that as rebellion where I saw it just as how the day went.
       
       I understand my skill at raising awareness of things at times, I really was just trying to have a happy day.. oh well.. she didnt like that I talked about energy, yet alot of art is energy?
       
       I learnt something though and got some inspiration from her colors as I went for a walk this morning around indigenous trees.
       
       So, maybe, that was all I was meant to learn from her.. you never know.. Im over it now.. and thankyou for your kind thoughts and words.

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          Marisa Wrightposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Salt, I'm like that too - and people don't like it, do they?  There's something basically wrong with me - if I see an elephant in the room, I say so.  It just seems so stupid for everyone else to tiptoe around it and refuse to resolve whatever issue put it there.
          
          I once had a boss say to me, "you're very honest, aren't you?" and he didn't mean it as a compliment...
          
          But others are also right - you've read a meaning into your teacher's reaction that may not have been there.  You can't be sure, so stop worrying about it and move on.

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    raisingmeposted 13 years ago

    Do you know that a crab trap does not work if there is only one crab in it?  One crab can escape the trap.  Only when there is more than one crab does it work because they pull each other back into the trap when one tries to escape.  Some people make it their life's work to pull others back into the trap.  What the woman said to you is more likely than not a very good indication of what she herself is doing - you could make it your new mantra - do not take it personally, do not take it personally, do not take it personally.  When one person is accusing another they are simply telling you what it is that they are or are not doing - nothing to do with you other than they have chosen to make you the object of their projection.  Don't miss own it - Send it back!

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    Catering101posted 12 years ago

    We can never please everybody, I always remind myself that.
    Just think of the advantages it will bring you...at least you can now explore a different hobby or interest. Even meet knew people who would like you as you are or somewhere you are more welcomed. Now, wouldn't that be great?!

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