Can you be too nice?

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   wrenfrost56posted 15 years ago

   Once I got dumped for being too nice at the time I thought it was a weird thing to say. However as I'm getting older (and more sceptical) I'm thinking maybe you can be too nice. Maybe it's seen as a bit creepy. Was just wondering if anyone else had any thoughts on this.

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      Himitsu Shugishaposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      It has been my experience that women want a nice guy, but they don't want someone who they perceive to be a "push-over". It's a fine line.

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         wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

         I agree it is a fine line and actually I think it's probably worse for men.

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      rebekahELLEposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      wow, what a creep to actually tell you he dumped you because you were too nice.
      
      although I do think sometimes people are not assertive enough in their lives. not sure what the guy was referring to, but if someone is always agreeable and goes with the flow even if you feel different about something, that could be perceived as being too nice. people are raised differently and if someone is raised being told to not say anything unless it's nice... they may never learn how to be assertive and respectful at the same time.
      
      and then there are those who take it the other way, and they're just plain jerks, saying whatever they want regardless of how it makes others feel. that's not assertiveness, that's rudeness.
      
      I would rather err on the end of being labeled nice rather than rude. the world has too many rude people.

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         alexandriaruthkposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         nice take

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         wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

         He was a jerk and as it turned out it did me the world of good in the end. I agree with you there are to many rude people around and actually there are ways to disagree and give constructive critisism with out being mean.

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      Crazdwriterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      yep that means he isn't nice and needs someone like him. You are too good for any jerks like that, wren!
      
      Rebekah hit me all in what she said...sometimes I'm nice, sometimes I'm rude, and other times I don't assert myself. and I too have been dumped for two of them...being too nice and not asseriting msyelf.

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      dejajolieposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Too nice is possible, I always say "Don't mistake my kindness for weakness". You want to be nice while not being a door mat. Personally when I date I am attracted to those who are generous but not push-overs, have a backbone but donn't be selfish, it's a thin line but some people (myself included) master it.

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         wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

         I like what you say about not mistaking kindness for waekness. Glad to hear you've mastered it, I think I may still have some way to go. Got any tips?

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      C.J. Wrightposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      The part where you say "it's seen as a bit creepy" is the telling part. Some folks have no sense of social norms. You know the people who consistently invade anothers personal space. Those who are really touchy feely and can't pick up on the non verbal ques that its making the other person uncomfortable. I have seen some were it appears deliberate and others where the person simply appears socially inept.
      Sneek makes a good point on the possessiveness as well. Sometimes true feelings/intentions are best camoflauged with kindness.

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      selfdeprecateposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Can never be too nice.  Kill 'em with kindness *evil grin*

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   sneakorocksolidposted 15 years ago

   Unless you're gushing over someone and smothering them I don't think it's possible. Sometimes "too nice" might be considered possesive.

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      wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Good point SRS, it could be viewed as possesive and I guess being  being too agreable doesn't always fare well.

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         sneakorocksolidposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         You're plenty good just the way you are, I personally like the attention but everyones different.

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            wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

            Thanks, I like a bit of attention too, may even put my pic back up again this week.

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   BadCompanyposted 15 years ago

   Nothing wrong with being nice, the person that dumped you was the creep. Stay true to yerself !

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      wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks BC, good to have you back

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      Cagsilposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Agreed.

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   charlybellposted 15 years ago

   I used to get the same thing with me, I'm the type that likes to make everyone happy and sometimes it just comes across as being "soft" and not confident. 
   
   Like someone said earlier, theres definitely nothing wrong with being extra nice (god I wish MORE people would be that way) but it just may not be someone's taste in a partner.
   
   Stay true to yourself though, being nice will pay off eventually :-)

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      wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I wish more people were nice too charlybell and your right I think you can be perceived as 'soft' I have been before.
      I also agree with you and BC, be true to yourself, that works best.

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         Justine76posted 15 years agoin reply to this

         yes, stay true to yourself. That is all anyone can do. It is a hard and lonely world....but if you believe in who you are, eventualy you will find that other peroson who does too!!!Like I said before, there is a differnec between being nice becuase its who you are, and being nice to the point hat it hurts YOU.

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   Justine76posted 15 years ago

   When I was in school, everyone used to say.."umm...she is 'nice' and they woudld say it like it was horribly distasteful. Like, nice was gross. I think maybe nice people make selfish people feel guilty...and it is possable to take nice to far...when you are actually hurting your self for others for the sake of being nice...its too much.

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      wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I know what you mean Justine76 and good point about others feeling guilty because of it. I also think if you being nice is at detriment to you, it's too nice!

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   Poppa Bluesposted 15 years ago

   I don't think one can ever be too nice! However in the bedroom a little naughtiness, and perhaps even some evil can go a long way to keeping the flames of love burning hot!

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      wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Naughty but nice, I second that PB!

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   AEvansposted 15 years ago

   I have never been dumped for being to nice I don't believe anyone is to nice all of us have a mean streak in us but if you are a man sometimes you have to be a little more firm.

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      wychicposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Firm men are always a good thing, I do have to agree with that
      
      Alrighty then, extracting the mind from the gutter now...

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      wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Your right AE, everyone has a bit of a mean streak even the nicest of people.

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   prettydarkhorseposted 15 years ago

   good day everyone, I have been too nice all my life and it has advanatages but some will take advantage of it, we should make sure we love ourselves first,

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      wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      So true PD people can take advantage of others good nature and we should love ourselves first.

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   wychicposted 15 years ago

   I can think of a few ways in which someone might be perceived as being too nice; for instance, I know I've been too nice in many non-romantic relationships in constantly giving people another chance when they didn't deserve it, foregoing my own needs in an effort to make others happy, and so on.
   
   However, in the context of a romantic relationship, I can think of things that may be perceived as too nice. My SO loves me to death and will do anything in his power to make me happy, which is completely awesome, but occasionally can cause problems too. For instance, if I ask him his opinion on something, he tends to tell me what he thinks I want to hear rather than what he actually thinks. It has happened a couple of times where I was indifferent as to what the answer might be, but he still said what he thought I wanted to hear while he really thought the opposite. I didn't realize until later that his answer was just an effort to try to please me and that he was really quite upset about the situation. In this I think he can be too nice...certainly nothing I would break up with him over, but it can add some completely unneeded stress to the relationship.
   
   Maybe someone could also be considered too nice if they absolutely refuse to give constructive criticism. Some people crave approval in everything, but others want to hear how they can do something better. Those who need constructive criticism, or think they need it, from a partner may get irritated at not being able to get it.
   
   Personally, I don't think there's any form of "too nice" that is worth a breakup. My own first thoughts at reading the OP is that maybe it was someone with a "bad boy" or "bad girl" fixation and couldn't stand someone who is responsible, well-mannered, and who treats others well...in these cases it's just a bad fit and certainly no reflection on the nice person, so go and find someone who appreciates "nice."

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      wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Great points, thanks for the reply. Truth is he actually he did me a favour.

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    NunezWillLearnposted 15 years ago

    Hello!
    You know what people thinks you are stupid and idiot when you act too nice. Moreover, people will try to take advantage of you when you be too nice. Specially, in my school days i used to be too nice (it was just the effect of the moral science classes). But now as I grew older and mature it seems like going by the bookish knowledge will only fetch you tears and pain. and people will try every means to rise above, making you their ladder. Now I have stopped being too nice. instead am just nice to people who are nice to me and rude to people who are rude to me.

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       wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Treat others how they treat you. That makes sense.

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    Tom Cornettposted 15 years ago

    It depends on whether or not they are being a nice person because they are simply that way .....or they are sucking up to get something they want. 

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       wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       So true, TC. Theres nothing worse then insencerity.

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    Jane@CMposted 15 years ago

    I've met several woman who are "too nice" to your face!  I decided once upon a time I needed to change, thought if I became a really nice person all the time my life would be different.  Wrong.  I'm nice - to a point.  I don't do fake. 
    
    My husband, by nature, is nice, a sincere type of nice. 
    
    Naughty and nice do mix well

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       wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I have met people that are nice to my face, then back stab me, it's awful. I thought about changing but I can't help who I am but I think your right you do have to draw the line somewhere.

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          wychicposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          That's a good point, I had a number of those even within my own family. Until recently I continued trying to give them more chances because hey, even though I know they're smiling through gritted teeth, they're family and I should try to get along with them, right? Possibly the biggest mistake of my life, but I'm glad that I've learned now.
          
          My SO likes to remind me about a lesson that we learn from the Russians. No matter who tried to fight them, they always had the option of just digging in and waiting, because eventually the Siberian winter would take their enemies without a fight.
          
          So there's no reason for us nice people to contemplate trying to get back at those who intentionally hurt us and walk on us, because if we're willing to get ourselves out of harm's way and just sit back and wait, the Siberian winter known as karma will always overtake them eventually.

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             Denno66posted 15 years agoin reply to this

             The best revenge is success, too

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             rebekahELLEposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             how very true. then it's their own karma coming back to them.
             I like that analogy.

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    K Partinposted 15 years ago

    There is nice, then there is "Eddie Haskel" nice.

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    alexandriaruthkposted 15 years ago

    you can be nice and naughty sometimes, nice people are usually patient people but once they reached the point when it is already too much, it is the end usually,

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       K Partinposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Now naughty is nice! LOL

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          alexandriaruthkposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          yes morning K

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             K Partinposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Morning how are you? Guess what finally some snow flurries here. YEY

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    BeccaHubbardWoodsposted 15 years ago

    My dad's girlfriend is sickeningly sweet all the time. She comes off as rather phony. I think too nice is unappealing because people actually like drama. Keeps us on our toes.

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       wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       
       I can understand that, being too nice, to ameable can can be a sign someone is fake and a little drama keeps things interesting.

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    Crazdwriterposted 15 years ago

    I guess I am too nice because family think they can walk all over me.

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       wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I hear ya CW, used to happen to me all the time. I have learnt to say no when I need to now. It's made life alot easier.

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    Ivorwenposted 15 years ago

    I think there is definitely a 'too nice'... it usually comes with someone who thinks they should always get their way, because they are nice.  Also, people like this are not afraid to tell you they are nice, or that you should like them, because they are nice.  I find people like that very creepy.  I also find that they tend to stab everyone in the back.
    
    Hope your not that kind of 'nice.' 

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       Crazdwriterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Ivorwen I am nice...like me! Sorry need a perk me up right now

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          Ivorwenposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          LOL! If you were that kind of nice, you would never let us know about your SIL!

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       rebekahELLEposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       there's a word for that, manipulative!!
       
       'bad' nice.

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          Crazdwriterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          HEY that's my sister-in-law...and she ain't even nice. lol she is just manipulative and whiney and wants everything her way *gag*

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             alexandriaruthkposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             immature crap

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                Crazdwriterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                AMEN Alexa!

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       mega1posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I have known several people (coworkers) who used "nice" as their way to control the world.  They were always the first to send around sympathy cards for example, they were in charge of everything in the office, their conversations were always about "nice" things.  They wore sweater/skirt sets for criminee's sake!  Creepy and manipulative and just awful.  You could not say anything about how irritating they were because you would find yourself wanting to complain about the ultra-nice thing they did.  can't do that.  mustn't ever let them see that they are getting to you!   This is not the kind of nice you are - I am sure!  But I could see someone breaking up with someone who uses "nice" as a controlling thing - but that would be the reason, the control issues.

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    Hauntyposted 15 years ago

    Anything can be taken too far. And most of us do it all the time.

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       wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Thats true and sometimes without even realizing.

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    Crazdwriterposted 15 years ago

    Hey wren didn't say this either but love the new profile pic too. Very pretty!

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       wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Thanks CW and right back at you. I've changed it now but I am thinking of changing it back.

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    lynnechandlerposted 15 years ago

    Wren it sounds like you are a giver and he was a taker. The two can be meshed but it is a difficult road with the giver often feeling put upon.
    
    Find yourself another giver that enjoys you for who you are and leave the taker behind.

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       Crazdwriterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       lynne has such nice ways of putting things.

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          lynnechandlerposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Aw, thank you CW.

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       wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Thnks LC, being a giver can sometimes feel like you are put upon, I find it easier to say no as I have gotten older and I know there are other givers out there, which is encouraging.

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    Crazdwriterposted 15 years ago

    *HUGS* just keep your head up and don't change the way you are!

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       wrenfrost56posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       *HUGS* Same to you CW.

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    lorlie6posted 15 years ago

    I have found people that considered my 'niceness' a weakness.  It is not the case, but for many years I tried to be an a****e.  No go!
    Now I am who I am, and I really don't care who thinks I am weak.

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    myownworldposted 15 years ago

    more important than just being nice, is having intentions that are good and well meant. A truly sincere and well meaning heart is more important than all the apparent 'nicety' in the world!

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       Jeffrey Nealposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Well said!

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    Denno66posted 15 years ago

    Some people are too nice, but that is not their problem; it's the one who takes advantage of them that has the problem. All others just benefit from their kindness.

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       myownworldposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       you were always a good sheep at heart!!
       ok, occasionally a wolf but mostly quite harmless!!
       ((hugs)))

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          Denno66posted 15 years agoin reply to this

          If I could purr right now, I would

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             myownworldposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             if I could pat too I would.....!
             
             (also, smile @ jeffrey..thanx!)

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       Jeffrey Nealposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Yes, I like this one also.

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          Denno66posted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Thank you

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       mega1posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       So don't I look nice?  Wouldn't you want to take advantage?

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