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Once I got dumped for being too nice at the time I thought it was a weird thing to say. However as I'm getting older (and more sceptical) I'm thinking maybe you can be too nice. Maybe it's seen as a bit creepy. Was just wondering if anyone else had any thoughts on this.
It has been my experience that women want a nice guy, but they don't want someone who they perceive to be a "push-over". It's a fine line.
wow, what a creep to actually tell you he dumped you because you were too nice.
although I do think sometimes people are not assertive enough in their lives. not sure what the guy was referring to, but if someone is always agreeable and goes with the flow even if you feel different about something, that could be perceived as being too nice. people are raised differently and if someone is raised being told to not say anything unless it's nice... they may never learn how to be assertive and respectful at the same time.
and then there are those who take it the other way, and they're just plain jerks, saying whatever they want regardless of how it makes others feel. that's not assertiveness, that's rudeness.
I would rather err on the end of being labeled nice rather than rude. the world has too many rude people.
He was a jerk and as it turned out it did me the world of good in the end. I agree with you there are to many rude people around and actually there are ways to disagree and give constructive critisism with out being mean.
yep that means he isn't nice and needs someone like him. You are too good for any jerks like that, wren!
Rebekah hit me all in what she said...sometimes I'm nice, sometimes I'm rude, and other times I don't assert myself. and I too have been dumped for two of them...being too nice and not asseriting msyelf.
Too nice is possible, I always say "Don't mistake my kindness for weakness". You want to be nice while not being a door mat. Personally when I date I am attracted to those who are generous but not push-overs, have a backbone but donn't be selfish, it's a thin line but some people (myself included) master it.
The part where you say "it's seen as a bit creepy" is the telling part. Some folks have no sense of social norms. You know the people who consistently invade anothers personal space. Those who are really touchy feely and can't pick up on the non verbal ques that its making the other person uncomfortable. I have seen some were it appears deliberate and others where the person simply appears socially inept.
Sneek makes a good point on the possessiveness as well. Sometimes true feelings/intentions are best camoflauged with kindness.
Can never be too nice. Kill 'em with kindness *evil grin*
Unless you're gushing over someone and smothering them I don't think it's possible. Sometimes "too nice" might be considered possesive.
Good point SRS, it could be viewed as possesive and I guess being being too agreable doesn't always fare well.
You're plenty good just the way you are, I personally like the attention but everyones different.
Nothing wrong with being nice, the person that dumped you was the creep. Stay true to yerself !
I used to get the same thing with me, I'm the type that likes to make everyone happy and sometimes it just comes across as being "soft" and not confident.
Like someone said earlier, theres definitely nothing wrong with being extra nice (god I wish MORE people would be that way) but it just may not be someone's taste in a partner.
Stay true to yourself though, being nice will pay off eventually :-)
I wish more people were nice too charlybell and your right I think you can be perceived as 'soft' I have been before.
I also agree with you and BC, be true to yourself, that works best.
yes, stay true to yourself. That is all anyone can do. It is a hard and lonely world....but if you believe in who you are, eventualy you will find that other peroson who does too!!!Like I said before, there is a differnec between being nice becuase its who you are, and being nice to the point hat it hurts YOU.
When I was in school, everyone used to say.."umm...she is 'nice' and they woudld say it like it was horribly distasteful. Like, nice was gross. I think maybe nice people make selfish people feel guilty...and it is possable to take nice to far...when you are actually hurting your self for others for the sake of being nice...its too much.
I don't think one can ever be too nice! However in the bedroom a little naughtiness, and perhaps even some evil can go a long way to keeping the flames of love burning hot!
I have never been dumped for being to nice I don't believe anyone is to nice all of us have a mean streak in us but if you are a man sometimes you have to be a little more firm.
Firm men are always a good thing, I do have to agree with that
Alrighty then, extracting the mind from the gutter now...
Your right AE, everyone has a bit of a mean streak even the nicest of people.
good day everyone, I have been too nice all my life and it has advanatages but some will take advantage of it, we should make sure we love ourselves first,
I can think of a few ways in which someone might be perceived as being too nice; for instance, I know I've been too nice in many non-romantic relationships in constantly giving people another chance when they didn't deserve it, foregoing my own needs in an effort to make others happy, and so on.
However, in the context of a romantic relationship, I can think of things that may be perceived as too nice. My SO loves me to death and will do anything in his power to make me happy, which is completely awesome, but occasionally can cause problems too. For instance, if I ask him his opinion on something, he tends to tell me what he thinks I want to hear rather than what he actually thinks. It has happened a couple of times where I was indifferent as to what the answer might be, but he still said what he thought I wanted to hear while he really thought the opposite. I didn't realize until later that his answer was just an effort to try to please me and that he was really quite upset about the situation. In this I think he can be too nice...certainly nothing I would break up with him over, but it can add some completely unneeded stress to the relationship.
Maybe someone could also be considered too nice if they absolutely refuse to give constructive criticism. Some people crave approval in everything, but others want to hear how they can do something better. Those who need constructive criticism, or think they need it, from a partner may get irritated at not being able to get it.
Personally, I don't think there's any form of "too nice" that is worth a breakup. My own first thoughts at reading the OP is that maybe it was someone with a "bad boy" or "bad girl" fixation and couldn't stand someone who is responsible, well-mannered, and who treats others well...in these cases it's just a bad fit and certainly no reflection on the nice person, so go and find someone who appreciates "nice."
You know what people thinks you are stupid and idiot when you act too nice. Moreover, people will try to take advantage of you when you be too nice. Specially, in my school days i used to be too nice (it was just the effect of the moral science classes). But now as I grew older and mature it seems like going by the bookish knowledge will only fetch you tears and pain. and people will try every means to rise above, making you their ladder. Now I have stopped being too nice. instead am just nice to people who are nice to me and rude to people who are rude to me.
It depends on whether or not they are being a nice person because they are simply that way .....or they are sucking up to get something they want.
I've met several woman who are "too nice" to your face! I decided once upon a time I needed to change, thought if I became a really nice person all the time my life would be different. Wrong. I'm nice - to a point. I don't do fake.
My husband, by nature, is nice, a sincere type of nice.
Naughty and nice do mix well
I have met people that are nice to my face, then back stab me, it's awful. I thought about changing but I can't help who I am but I think your right you do have to draw the line somewhere.
That's a good point, I had a number of those even within my own family. Until recently I continued trying to give them more chances because hey, even though I know they're smiling through gritted teeth, they're family and I should try to get along with them, right? Possibly the biggest mistake of my life, but I'm glad that I've learned now.
My SO likes to remind me about a lesson that we learn from the Russians. No matter who tried to fight them, they always had the option of just digging in and waiting, because eventually the Siberian winter would take their enemies without a fight.
So there's no reason for us nice people to contemplate trying to get back at those who intentionally hurt us and walk on us, because if we're willing to get ourselves out of harm's way and just sit back and wait, the Siberian winter known as karma will always overtake them eventually.
you can be nice and naughty sometimes, nice people are usually patient people but once they reached the point when it is already too much, it is the end usually,
My dad's girlfriend is sickeningly sweet all the time. She comes off as rather phony. I think too nice is unappealing because people actually like drama. Keeps us on our toes.
I guess I am too nice because family think they can walk all over me.
I think there is definitely a 'too nice'... it usually comes with someone who thinks they should always get their way, because they are nice. Also, people like this are not afraid to tell you they are nice, or that you should like them, because they are nice. I find people like that very creepy. I also find that they tend to stab everyone in the back.
Hope your not that kind of 'nice.'
Ivorwen I am nice...like me! Sorry need a perk me up right now
there's a word for that, manipulative!!
HEY that's my sister-in-law...and she ain't even nice. lol she is just manipulative and whiney and wants everything her way *gag*
I have known several people (coworkers) who used "nice" as their way to control the world. They were always the first to send around sympathy cards for example, they were in charge of everything in the office, their conversations were always about "nice" things. They wore sweater/skirt sets for criminee's sake! Creepy and manipulative and just awful. You could not say anything about how irritating they were because you would find yourself wanting to complain about the ultra-nice thing they did. can't do that. mustn't ever let them see that they are getting to you! This is not the kind of nice you are - I am sure! But I could see someone breaking up with someone who uses "nice" as a controlling thing - but that would be the reason, the control issues.
Anything can be taken too far. And most of us do it all the time.
Hey wren didn't say this either but love the new profile pic too. Very pretty!
Wren it sounds like you are a giver and he was a taker. The two can be meshed but it is a difficult road with the giver often feeling put upon.
Find yourself another giver that enjoys you for who you are and leave the taker behind.
lynne has such nice ways of putting things.
Thnks LC, being a giver can sometimes feel like you are put upon, I find it easier to say no as I have gotten older and I know there are other givers out there, which is encouraging.
*HUGS* just keep your head up and don't change the way you are!
I have found people that considered my 'niceness' a weakness. It is not the case, but for many years I tried to be an a****e. No go!
Now I am who I am, and I really don't care who thinks I am weak.
more important than just being nice, is having intentions that are good and well meant. A truly sincere and well meaning heart is more important than all the apparent 'nicety' in the world!
Some people are too nice, but that is not their problem; it's the one who takes advantage of them that has the problem. All others just benefit from their kindness.
you were always a good sheep at heart!!
ok, occasionally a wolf but mostly quite harmless!!
So don't I look nice? Wouldn't you want to take advantage?
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