Battling work place bullies!

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  1. everywomanssecret profile image60
    everywomanssecretposted 11 years ago

    A quick question or as I prefer to call it - food for thought. Have you ever been bullied in the work place? Or, anywhere for that matter. If so, how did you deal with it? I am writing an article on bullying and wanted to offer some advice for anyone who may be going through it right now. 'What you focus on, grows' states the law of attraction. So thinking about the situation and living in fear of the bullies, only adds more energy their way. have you considered blocking them out of your mind altogether? Better still - focus on a change in the situation and visualise them leaving you be. You cannot control the events and actions of others around you but you can choose how you react to things - 'you cannot alter the direction of the wind but you can always adjust your sails' (Angela Butler) is a great way to look at life... people can only affect you if you let them - so take the power back! I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic, and what YOUR advice would be to someone who was experiencing any form of bullying right now.

    Cheers !

    1. Sally's Trove profile image78
      Sally's Troveposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      If one is conscious of being bullied in the workplace, going into a law of attraction scenario as you outlined is the worst advice I've ever heard.

      Workplaces that have anti-bullying policies in force encourage an employee to bring the bullying behavior to a superior; in the case where an employee is a supervisor or manager, the reporting is mandatory.

      The victim of a bully is like the victim of a rapist...neither asked for this violation in any way. It's not for the victim to search for an inner resource to excuse or counter the shame and pain inflicted.

      " can choose how you react to things..." Yes you can. You can file a complaint in the workplace just as you can file a complaint in a criminal court.

      There is no excuse for bullying in the workplace. And there is plenty of legal precedent to put a stop to it. No one should question him or her self about self-focus when it comes to an act, perpetuated by a workplace member, that is deliberately hostile.

    2. Arthur Fontes profile image82
      Arthur Fontesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I have dealt with many workplace wannabe bullies.  I find the best approach is to stop them immediately, stand your ground and refuse to be bullied.

      Bullies by nature prey on those they feel are weaker then themselves.  Show them that you are no pushover and the bully will probably move on to weaker victims.

      1. Sally's Trove profile image78
        Sally's Troveposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        There's a huge problem when the bully is in a position of authority. Then the "bullied" is put in a position of going along with the bully or losing a job.

        Your experience may have been with co-workers at the same status and rank as you; but when the bully is a boss, the stakes are very high.

        1. Arthur Fontes profile image82
          Arthur Fontesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          I have had sales managers try the bully thing. I once had a manager tell me that he would break my jaw. I gave him notice that I was so afraid of him that I was sure he would kill me. I said this in front of many co-workers.  I then told him if he ever confronted me I would defend my life by ending his.  That was the last time he ever spoke to me with anything but respect.

          In my career, sales managers are a dime a dozen while a trained sales person comes few and far between.  Every successful salesperson craves that sales manager job.

          So it might be a different scenario in your career.  As for mine I could have ten jobs in ten minutes as every dealership will hire an experienced salesperson.

          1. Sally's Trove profile image78
            Sally's Troveposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            You illustrate so brilliantly what the individual feels he has to choose to do in the face of this kind of behavior.

            What I am saying is that business entities (and the real people behind them) have the responsibility, under the law, to make sure that this kind of behavior does not exist in the workplace.

            While you and others are exercising your individual strategies to deal with bullying, you are putting time and effort into something your company should be doing for you. It's the company's loss, not only in terms of dollars paid to while you deal with bullying, but also in potential settlements to satisfy claims related to discrimination and harrassment.

    3. Lisa HW profile image62
      Lisa HWposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Bullying, as with so many other forms of aggression (even if only verbal) and victimizing others often has nothing whatsoever to do with what the victim does or doesn't do in response to (or before) the "attacks".

      Any strong, self-respecting, all-the-right-attitude, woman who has no problem dealing with most people or with life, but who has been on the receiving end of verbal bullying, emotional abuse, or worse; will tell you that once a person has it in his/heard head that you will be his "victim", all the techniques in the world aren't going to change anything.

      Bullying is associated with narcissism and aggression.  Victims can walk away from the situation and/or report (they probably won't want to stick around once they've reported it, because bullies "have their ways", even if they've been forced to stop the outward behavior).

      As with so many other things in life, this blaming the victim for not having "the right attitude" or "right techniques" is way, way, off-base.

  2. paradigmsearch profile image60
    paradigmsearchposted 11 years ago

    Whether the victim is a man or woman, the response “Oh, shut up.” will eventually resolve the issue… Just an opinion.

  3. ediggity profile image60
    ediggityposted 11 years ago

    Karate chop or ignore them.

  4. WryLilt profile image91
    WryLiltposted 11 years ago

    "Think" your way out of it? I'm sorry but should I do that next time someone tries to hit me, as well?

    And having been bullied in the workplace before I've found direct threats work best.

    After being repeatedly asked or told 'slightly over the line' sexual information, I finally got in the person's face, told them if they ever said anything like that again, I wouldn't hesitate to take it as high as needed to file a complaint or get them sacked.

    It worked.

    Some bullies need to be reminded they've overstepped the boundary.

    And remember - don't make idle threats, follow through if needed.

    1. Sally's Trove profile image78
      Sally's Troveposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You have done the right thing, but your model may backfire for someone else who doesn't have your confidence and is also countering a bully in a supervisory position.

      Your actions are the first line of defense, meaning dealing with it at the moment. That gets the pressure off you, but may deflect it to someone else.

      This kind of predator needs to be removed from the workplace.

  5. profile image53
    1955posted 11 years ago

    I was bullied in the workplace in a very covert manner. Silence from three co-workers, being blamed for every order that wasn't shipped on time when the offending order was sitting right under my supervisors desk, spoken to in condescending manners, left out of meetings and lunches, comments and actions that had to do with my being overweight. Dozens of other little ways that added up over a three-year period until I suffered a heart attack. After a recovery period, I returned to work only to be terminated due to 'skill set problems'. At no time was there ever any disciplinary issues on my record, I was always on time, worked late when required, even delivered on weekends goods that had not been loaded onto trucks! I was shattered - for a few hours. Then, I thanked my lucky stars. I am free! I went back to school and am now self-employed. Now, I'm meeting and working with DECENT people. I have the confidence to tackle my weight problem. The world is a much sunnier place.

  6. andromida profile image61
    andromidaposted 11 years ago

    Every bully can be counteracted by a bigger bully, take it in intellectual sense.There is no bully, tell your mind.Bullies are the biggest insecure fool of our planet:)

  7. Shadesbreath profile image76
    Shadesbreathposted 11 years ago

    Just turn on them. It really is that simple.  Turn and face them.  Tell them to F-Off.  If you are timid person and confidence is an issue, just scream at them to leave to you alone and cause a scene while doing it.  "STOP PICKING ON ME GODDAMN IT; I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS IN THE WORKPLACE."

    You just have to fight back.  It doesn't matter how cool or pretty it looks.  Everyone will respect you for standing your ground except the cronies or people who had no idea it was going on-which they now will.

    Don't take it, though.  That's like smearing yourself with chum and diving into the shark pool.

    1. WryLilt profile image91
      WryLiltposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Absolutely agree. This is what I ended up doing - and like all bullies, they don't expect you to fight back.

  8. Ultimate Hubber profile image65
    Ultimate Hubberposted 11 years ago

    Another way is to deal with it with it with a bit of humor. Even attack them in a humorous way. That will make you a lot of friends and make your life easier.

    But this is not the way to go in many situations like the one mentioned above by WryLit. Works when a guy is bullied by other guys.


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