Learning to live takes balls...

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    JinnyMarteposted 8 years ago

    This is my rage!
    I find a million reasons to hate and then a billion reasons not to. I feel the words jammed in my mind. I want to scream but my voice wonâ��t come out. My eyes cry the good and the bad, but not the ugly, cause they never did me any wrong to me. My heart is where my mind should be and my mind is NTBF (no where to be found). I take pride in saying my mind just ran away to be free, but reality is Iâ��m pretty lost without it. I feel pain and sorrow and they linger, but I know they wonâ��t be here tomorrow. I cannot seem to recall the last time I felt like this and I figure there must be some kind of lesson involved in this for me, because this first act I already know too perfectly. Life seems beautiful and then it gets ugly. Youâ��re up and then youâ��re down and you end up feeling like a clown, making everyone around you laugh, but your face wears an eternal frown. But yes, there must be a lesson. There must be something involved for me to learn. I must be getting closer to some big event in my life, otherwise, I wouldnâ��t be facing the struggles I am facing now. One day love is all you need and the very next day love stabs you on the back and leaves you there to die, to bleed your life out. Love makes you feel alive and it seduces you with all it got, and then it just cuts your wings and lets you fall all the way down, and then, you learn what it means to be broken. You find yourself surrounded by people and then all of a sudden you find yourself completely alone. You look around and even though you can see the people, they seem to be translucent, almost ghost like and they never listen. Only true friends stay beside you regardless of how annoying your life could seem to be at the time, yet they always wear a smile for you and open arms. I am truly blessed to have met friends that turned out to become family. I am grateful to them for showing me what love really should really feel like. I got used to the image of love tightly tied up with that image of pain. Love is pain people like to say. I say love shouldnâ��t feel like pain. But who listens anyway. I need to practice to stay put. I need to stand my ground and breathe. I need to look at this temporary obstacle like a step to keep on my way up and not like a barrier to keep me from it. I need to learn that to forgive means to forget as well, because remembering the damage brings back the pain. I need to learn to keep my focus, regardless of all the deviations and distractions thrown along my way. I need to learn that love is never cruel or disrespectful, even when you are the one to blame. I need to learn the virtue of patience, because wisdom means nothing without it. I need to look straight into the future but only after realizing that the present is how the future begins. I need to learn that, just because it glitters, doesnâ��t mean itâ��s made out of gold, because appearances could be deceiving, and what seemed to be beautiful could turn into a nightmare; therefore, always remember that true colors never fade. I need to learn that being brave is not about charging but about change and seeking the right time to open up and live, with courage and acceptance. I need to learn that time is just time, and it wonâ��t go any faster if I try to rush things. But most of all I need to learn to breathe, because the air in your lungs could give your body life but it doesnâ��t mean you feel alive. Being alive is about realizing that life is a learning process. Being alive is when you learn to succeed against the odds and challenges. Being alive is about knowing your capacities and how to make your flaws work in your own advantage. Being alive is about embracing the chances life gives you to evolve and learning the meaning of true love. Many lessons to learn and many reason to give up, but my vision is strong and my will is unconquerable. You live and you learn.  And then you learn to live. And when you learn to live is when you truly are free.

 
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