h.a. borcich is still here

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   h.a.borcichposted 13 years ago

   Well, I am still alive.
   
   On 11/2 my failed neobladder was removed and I was rebuilt with an illeal conduit. A week later we did another surgery to remove a drain that became lodged. Thought I was in the clear so I went  home a few days later.
   It was a short lived stay at home as I had developed an ileus - my bowels didn't wake up and made me very ill within 2 days. Back to the hospital where I was additionally diagnosed with c diff and VRE.
   Finally I arrived home the week of Thanksgiving to the care of home nursing.
   Currently I am struggling with the adjustment to living with a stoma, and healing the 18 cm incision now that the 35 staples have been removed. The frustrations and embarrassment of a new stoma have been depressing at best. To be honest I think I would have rather let my kidneys and me  die if I had to do it over. I have decided there will be no more surgery in my future. Still not sure if I can live this way and that is putting it mildly.
   Wish I could be more positive but saying I am alive is all I have at this moment.

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      SomewayOuttaHereposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      ...wow...you've been through a lot....not sure what to say...you know, to help you feel better for this one moment....how about a 'big cyber hug' for now........

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      Mark Knowlesposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Welcome back. Good to have you around still. Even if you do give me a hard time.

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   Wendy Krickposted 13 years ago

   I'm so sorry you are going through a hard time. I know that your life feels totally upside down. But I for one am grateful that you are here. I think each person is perfect just the way they are. Having an Ileostomy (stoma) will certainly be an adjustment. But I think you are strong enough to get through.
   
   For right now, just try to focus on the positive. You are alive! That is a great thing! Later, it will get easier.
   
   Here's a hug from me here.
   
   ~Wendy
   
   PS. I had two sisters who each had an Ilesotomy (they had spinobifida). My point is we never looked at them and said "Yuck they have a stoma." We looked at them and saw how much we loved them because they were beautiful.
   
   You are perfect just the way you are!

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   Pearldiverposted 13 years ago

   Be A Beacon
   To all you do not know
   Be A Beacon
   Though you feel, sadness fills you
   Be A Beacon
   Show others, the way to go
   Believe In Your Beacon
   Like those who, find your light true
   Be A Beacon
   Walk on the light of... the beacon in you!
   
   Take Care
   *Pearldiver*

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   Woman Of Courageposted 13 years ago

   Hi ha.borcich, I am happy you are still here. I hope you heal completely from the surgery. Hang in there. Be encouraged!

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5. 60

   h.a.borcichposted 13 years ago

   Thank you for the encouragement and welcome back. Hopefully I will soon be catching up on hubs reading, and I do miss the forum interactions and the hubber camraderie. This recovery is just so much slower and I have had more setbacks than I thought possible, Again thank you, Holly
   
   I have been off pain meds atleast a week, but I think the morphine and dalauded (sp) take longer than that.

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      Randy Godwinposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Good thoughts toward you and good wishes on your treatment!  Welcome back!

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   Lisa HWposted 13 years ago

   Oh - what a rough time is sounds like you've had. 
   
   I know other people's positive stories aren't particularly likely to make you feel much better right now, but a family member of mine went through something similar at 25.  She had the whole thing with "the works" being rebuilt, but complications made it very depressing for her.  It took her quite awhile of going through "junk", but the last I heard she's OK.  This was years ago now.  I don't suppose that's all that encouraging, but I know how depressing it all was for her to have to deal with. 
   
   All that aside (and for what its worth coming from, essentially, a stranger); as I used to say to my family member, just try not to even let any embarrassment be a factor whatsoever.  People are grown-ups and don't even give a thought to what people feel embarrassed about under medical circumstances.  My goodness. I only know you from HubPages, and from what I've seen you should feel nothing but proud of the strength you've shown in dealing with your illness (among other things) the way you have.  You're an inspiration to people (although I'm guessing you'd rather not have some of the difficult stuff that has made you "an inspiration".)
   
   Wishing you well.   

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      Happyboomernurseposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I was a homecare nurse for many years and have a lot of empathy for what you've been through. The kind of surgery you had does take time for healing and to emotionally adjust to the changes in your body image and regain your self-confidence, but it's healthy that you're able to reach out for support. in this forum.
      It's also a good idea to share your feelings with your homecare nurse who may be able to offer helpful suggestions and additional support services..
      I think the strain of the complications have made things much harder for you, and hopefully the worst is already behind you. Hang in there and take one day at a time.

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   snoweposted 13 years ago

   Hi,
   Don't be negative but always think in a positive way...all things are possible..

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