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17 Ways To Annoy Me

Updated on May 6, 2014
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Since I'm new to Hub Pages, I figured I should introduce myself. And what is a better way to do so, then inform you of top 17 Ways To Annoy Me. Why a top 17 list? Because 10 is trite and 20 requires too much effort. Lesson one, I'm kind of lazy.


17. Waiting for the microwave to finish. I know, I know…. Our grandma’s slaved over hot stoves for hours. Making bread involved several days prepping but darn it, two minutes for a bean burrito is ridiculous. What is this..... Uzbekistan?


16. Having to share an elevator. I know it can support 1000 pounds and I’m sure the 5’ 3” woman beside me weighs 110lbs wet, but when I see the purse cross the door threshold, I can’t help but think we are both going to plummet to our deaths because I ate the extra jelly donut this morning.


15. People who actually drive the speed limit. Everyone knows the cop gives you a 5mph grace. So, turn off the blinker and put the pedal to the metal grandpa.


14. Toilet snakes. No this isn’t a sequel to Snakes On A Plane. We’ve all heard about alligators in the sewers. So my paranoid mind has taken this a step further. I’m convinced that if you don’t leave the seat down men, snakes will come out of the toilet and touch your bathing suit area while you take your morning pee.


13. People who don't wear socks. Come on, even the dollar store sells them.


12. The last ounce of a water bottle. I’d rather drink from 1980’s Madonna cone bra than drink the last slobber filled ounce of a water bottle. There are things in life that you can't unlearn, this is one of them.


11. Actors who make messes on TV. The game show where confetti strews over the stage, the couples busting dishes in an angry fit, or colossal food fights, I dislike them all. Maybe I’ve scrubbed too many fast food bathrooms in my life, but I can sympathize for the poor Joe Schmo who is stuck picking green beans out of Betty White’s hair. Someone has to clean that up, you jerks.


10. The vegetarian martyr. Every office has one. They sit beside you at lunch and insist on telling you three reasons you shouldn’t eat that egg salad sandwich. (If you have to talk-up soy that much, ask yourself if you are trying to convince me to eat it, or yourself.)


9. Faux "green”. Only in America can we turn saving the environment into a marketing angle. Trust me, this SUV is “green”, it gets 5 miles to the gallon now. Al Gore is crying in his organic, non GMO Wheaties right now.


8. Ear wax. It’s the ear’s version of boogers.


7. Isle crop dusting. We’ve all been the victim or culprit of this one. You innocently turn the corner in the grocery store and pow! You’ve been isle crop dusted. You’ve walked right into a toxic sulfur fart cloud.


6. Skinny cooks. All the chefs on the Food Channel should be overweight. Who do you believe is the better cook? Mario Bateli or Giada De Laurentiis ?


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5. Celebrities trying to convince everyone that they are just like the rest of us. Just because you pick up your own soy latte in a tee shirt and blue jeans, in front of a paparazzi crowd larger than some European armies, doesn’t make you “normal”.


4. Skinny girls who are convinced they are fat. These girls need a three hour pep talk to agree that it’s ok to eat an apple. Shut up, my thigh is thicker than your waist.


3. Baby talk. To a parent, your child is the most interesting child to have ever been born. To the rest of us, your child is just a child. So when I call you long distance, how do you figure that I want to spend twenty awkward minutes trying to make conversation with your toddler? What insightful input does your two year old have? Are we going to discuss Occupy Wall Street? Do they have any solutions to the Middle East conflict? And I’m paying $2 a minute for this...great.


2. Percentage savings. What’s the better bargain? This item is 30% off the discounted price but this one is 40% off retail. This train leaves at 2am going north for 43 miles while traveling 65mph, what time does the train arrive? I’m trying to buy a bra, I didn’t think I needed to bring an abacus. Oh why didn’t I pay attention in ninth grade algebra?


1. Precocious kids on talents shows. Every once in a while a child does rise to fame but most likely, your child belting out an over-the-top broadway showtune is not the next Christina Aguilera. What you probably will do however, is get your kid punched on the playground on Monday.


Did you LOL?

4.5 out of 5 stars from 6 ratings of this hub.

© 2012 Amy L. Tarr

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    • binnyoinam profile image

      binnyoinam 5 years ago from Imphal

      One hell of a killer hub! I like the point where you mentioned "To a parent, your child is the most interesting child to have ever been born. To the rest of us, your child is just a child." I have been thinking about it for the past many months. I have and am still having some annoying experience about it though I am not pissed with it. Thanks for the great hub. And don't be surprised if I come up with a similar hub!

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      Thanks for the input. I wrote this in the wee hours of the morning and I thought it was funny at the time. But what's funny at 2am is not always funny at 11am, so I'm glad to hear you liked it. Can't wait to read your version.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

      Hi, Oh how do I agree with the kid on the phone? drives me insane! lol! the trouble starts when you talk gobble de gook at them, and then realise that the mother has sneaked back on the phone listening to you talking rubbish, and not let you know! really funny!

    • Phil Plasma profile image

      Phil Plasma 5 years ago from Montreal, Quebec

      Awesome, you did know that 17 is a prime number, yes?

      This is a great idea for a hub, I think I'll pick a different prime number and share what annoys me. That is, of course, after I blog about my favourite sock colour.

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      @Nell, that's what friends are for... LOL

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      Phil, why not combine the two? How about 15 reasons why you like blue polkadot legwarmers over orange stripes? I smell a Pulitzer.....

    • tirelesstraveler profile image

      Judy Specht 5 years ago from California

      Fun Hub. Welcome to HubPages

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
      Author

      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      Thanks for stopping by. I'll leave the porch light on for you.

    • Lady_E profile image

      Elena 5 years ago from London, UK

      Lovely fun read. No 5.... ooh. Mmmmmh!!!. lol.

      "As if." :-)

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      LOL, thanks Lady_E.

    • pinkdaisy profile image

      pinkdaisy 5 years ago from Canada

      Welcome to HubPages! Funny Hub. Voted Up :)

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      Thank you so much PinkDaisy for the support.

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 5 years ago from Upstate, New York

      This is hysterical and right up my alley. Love your sense of humor and I'm glad I came across your hubs. I have not been disappointed!

      Now an ardent follower

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      Why thank you so much Shiningirisheyes. I'm glad you liked it. You're a sweetheart.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Love your witty sense of humor! It's just what HP's needs...laughter and good cheer!:)

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      Well Sunshine625, you certainly live up to your name. Thanks for the encouragement.

    • Faceless39 profile image

      Faceless39 5 years ago from The North Woods, USA

      Rated way up, awesome, funny, and interesting.

      I agree with almost everything here, including the vegetarian thing, even though I'm a vegetarian. People who drive the speed limit need to get a pulse! This hub was just a fun time, and I love your writing style. Great work!

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
      Author

      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      That's ok Faceless39, I won't hold it against you. ;) I'm glad you dropped in. Thanks for your comment.

    • hbentleymom profile image

      hbentleymom 5 years ago from Alabama

      I loved it! Funny Hub and I am glad I am not the only person in the world to worry about the toilet snake!!! Voted up and funny.

    • Petfriends profile image

      Petfriends 5 years ago from New England Area

      You had me at the title.

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      Petfriends, you complete me.

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      @hbentleymom, I would have to move if I ever found one. No joke, would just walk away from it all for fear the snake laid eggs somewhere in my stuff. LOL Thanks for votes. I appreciate it.

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      This hub has been nominated for a HubNugget. If you liked what you read...please go to topics, then Entertainment and vote for it. Thanks!

    • ripplemaker profile image

      Michelle Simtoco 5 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      Hello PenHitsTheFan! I hope this news would be a delightful surprise rather than annoying....heheh Your hub has been nominated on the Hubnuggets! Check it out https://hubpages.com/community/Mannequin-Monday-An... Enjoy and have a blast. :)

    • forthewords profile image

      forthewords 5 years ago from California

      Hilarious and beyond clever. Loved it! Thanks.

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      @ripplemaker, no it's a nice surprise. Thank you so much!

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      Thank you forthewords. Your avatar is adorable.

    • thecrazzykylex profile image

      Crazzy Kylex © 2012 5 years ago from Incredible India!

      Damn Funny, Penny! Great Hub, voted up and appreciated

      Oh! I just forgot! Congratulations, for getting featured in the HubNuggets contest :)

    • self absorbed profile image

      self absorbed 5 years ago from Canada

      I have started a fire in my microwave 2 times because I accidentally put popcorn in for 20 mins instead of 2, I find it almost impossible to wait the whole 2 minutes in the kitchen, it feels like an eternity!

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      @thecrazzykylex, thank you so much. It's exciting.

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      LOL self absorbed. Well no point crying over burnt popcorn, I suppose.

    • Shinkicker profile image

      Shinkicker 5 years ago from Scotland

      Great list PenHitsTheFan

      I would include a few of those in my top 15, 16 or 17 or how many I decide :-)

    • Ruby H Rose profile image

      Maree Michael Martin 5 years ago from Northwest Washington on an Island

      Skinny girls who think they are fat! LOVE IT, funny stuff...Great hub. Congrats! You've been nominated, sweet.

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      Shinkicker, can't wait to see your list. Best of luck.

      @Ruby H Rose, thank you for the compliment. Thanks for stopping by, I appreciate it.

    • heavenleigh707 profile image

      Heaven L Burkes 5 years ago from The Invincible Heart of Neverland

      Congratulations on your HubNugget Award! I also LOVE your profile name! Very cool! Great JOB!

    • profile image

      Bugg Adventures 5 years ago

      Excellent Hub! Congrats on the award! Following and looking forward to more. Good luck!

    • catgypsy profile image

      catgypsy 5 years ago from the South

      I'm so glad you were a HubNugget so I noticed your hub to read ...very funny! I'm definitely a follower now!

    • Angie Jardine profile image

      Angie Jardine 5 years ago from Cornwall, land of the eternally youthful mind ...

      Yup, those would do it.

      Great hub ... funny with a clever use of words. I couldn’t possibly do one of these, I’m such grumpy old bat I wouldn’t know where to start ... or finish!

      I’m definitely going to catch more of your work, Pen ... I love a larf :)

    • profile image

      jenubouka 5 years ago

      Great hub; awesome awesome. Although there is one that burned me; I am in the culinary arts and am on the wafer side. Not my fault; by god when you are running your ass of 12 hours a day i a 114 degree kitchen wearing fire retardant long sleeves and pants; that is the ultimate work-out. I look at the fat ones and think to myself; oh yea he has a "desk job" versus running around with his head on fire like the rest of us. Okay sorry for the rant.....Your hub really made my day and will keep a smile on my face for the rest of the day; that is awesome!!

      Oh, and toxic fart one; loved that..If you only knew where I lived and what the majority of the population eats you too would where a gas mask to the store. Yuck..

    • LaughingRain profile image

      Alysia McAlister 5 years ago from Arizona

      love to laugh..thanks, I'm following you now

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      Thank you Heavenleigh707!

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      @catgypsy, thank you. I'm glad you liked it.

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      Awww Angie, I'd love to read your version.

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      @jenubouka, unless you are a Food Network chef, it's all good. PS, if your head's on fire...you might be doing something wrong in the kitchen. ;)

    • PenHitsTheFan profile image
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      Amy L. Tarr 5 years ago from Home

      LaughingRain, Thank you. I appreciate the support.

    • profile image

      jenubouka 5 years ago

      Ha! One chef I worked with was Norwegian and when he was mad his face lit up like the fourth of July; and I swear you could see smoke coming from his ears.....:)

    • Beata Stasak profile image

      Beata Stasak 5 years ago from Western Australia

      Congratulation on your hub nomination, have a good laugh, thanks:)

    • Beata Stasak profile image

      Beata Stasak 5 years ago from Western Australia

      Congratulation on your hub nomination, have a good laugh, thanks:)

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