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The Morning Conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama #19

Updated on February 6, 2013

June 7, 2011 - Highs and Lows

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Number 19 in the series.

Michelle: [ Watching TV as Barack walks into the White House kitchen] What is with you men and these online affairs? Sending photos in emails and tweeting stuff! What is up with you men?

Barack: Well, good morning and how are you?

Michelle: Fine. Sorry.

Barack: What is the issue now?

Michelle: You men and these affairs! I'm watching the latest on Tony Wiener tweeting his wiener and other body parts. That is so low. Men!

Barack: Well, Michelle...

Michelle: He isn't the only one! Do I need to name others? That Republican - Christopher Lee, Eliot Spitzer, Tiger Woods, Jesse James, Arnold Schwarzenegger! And now Weiner. Should I continue? They all must have been high!

Barack: Michelle, if a white person were to say that all black people eat watermelon and drink grape pop, would you accept that?

Michelle: Of course not! I know black people that don't even like watermelon, let alone grape pop.

Barack: And not all men are having affairs, nor do we like to be connected to such activity, just because some have done so.

Michelle: Well...

Barack: And one thing that always confounds me when "men" are caught up in these "affairs." Not all, but many women are quick to denounce these men, but conveniently forget that they were having affairs with "women." These "other women" are not victims and the women that portray them as such need to stop the B.S.

Michelle: I meant that...

Barack: I know what you meant. But women are not second class citizens in this society. Women have the ability to be as conniving and deceitful as men, if not more. And many women are having affairs as well. Where is all the outrage against the "other woman." Or do they get a pass? It's unfair, Michelle!

Michelle: Alright. You made your point. Look at Wiener on TV [Michelle points to news report]. Every time I think about him, Oscar Mayer Wieners come to mind. Ha ha ha!

Barack: Ha ha ha!! I know Tony well. Seriously though, I feel for him.

Michelle: He must be feeling pretty low. He looks sick.

Barack: It's just indigestion. It comes from eating his own words.

Michelle: Well, YOUR face doesn't look all that pleasant this morning. Could it be the jobs report that came out?

Barack: No!

Michelle: How about the low ratings on the economy that just came out? You're back to where you were before Osama was killed.

Barack: No!

Michelle: Oh? What about all the economic advisers that have left the administration within months of one another - Goolsbee, Bernstein, Rouse, Volcker, Summers, Romer, Orszag.

Barack: Michelle...

Michelle: So, you aren't singing "Another One Bites the Dust" this morning, huh?

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Barack: Silence is golden, Michelle!

Michelle: You'd better start mixing toothpaste with your shampoo! You're getting a cavity in your brain!

Barack: I don't see the point in...

Michelle: Well, you should trade those eyes that see not for some lips that swell not! [One hand on hip, while shaking a fist in Barack's face, playfully]

Barack: Michelle, I am just trying to figure out how to move forward. We have some real challenges ahead.

Michelle: Unemployment is high! You've got to get people back to work and small businesses need to open. Americans of all stripes have to work together.

Barack: True.

Michelle: Just think - if a Mexican and a black open a restaurant they can call it Nacho Momma! Yeah, instead of chicken tacos, how about fried chicken and tacos? Or you can substitute black eye peas for frijoles negros, tortillas, chitlin's and watermelon fruit salad. With a side of green salsa!

Barack: Michelle!

Michelle: Hey, whatever it takes to get the economy moving! You should hire federal traffic agents to patrol the Mexican border and the major cities.

Barack: How would that help?

Michelle: See, when Mexicans finally get their cars started, they gotta get where there going real fast before their car stalls again! Traffic tickets equals revenue!

Barack: Michelle! That's awful!

Michelle: Or you could come up with an amendment to the Constitution legalizing cocaine.

Barack: What?

Michelle: Yeah, dummy. Then you can tax it. I guarantee it will get the economy moving. In the black communities, you can set it up like a fast food joint! Yeah, call it "Crack in the Box." People will be lined up! Ha ha ha!!

Barack: Michelle! The Secret Service is near!

Michelle: So what? Since this is a capitalist nation - until you make it a socialist nation - you need to spark competition. Across the street from "Crack in the Box" have a "CrackDonalds!" Yeah! Have a sign on it "Over 20 Billion Served!"

Barack: Oh, so you only want to spark the economy off the backs of the urban poor, huh?

Michelle: No! They already have them in the white, rural communities - "Cracker Barrel!" White folks sit at a huge table and pass the crack pipe around, along with the homemade beef stew and cole slaw - with corn muffins, of course!

Barack: Oh, God!

Michelle: And for the wealthier areas, I say a federal joint venture with Starbucks. The upper class snobs can have a "Mocha Crackuccino" as they nibble on their pastries and drive off in their BMW's.

Barack: From the sublime to the ridiculous!

Michelle: Just like your latest approval ratings.

Barack: What is that supposed to mean?

Michelle: The nation might as well be high - on somethin', because you are at a new low. Want a hit?

Stay Tuned for More 'Morning Conversations...' with Barack & Michelle Obama, next time!

Copyright 2011 - Dexter Yarbrough


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    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Eiddwen! Your words mean a great deal to me. Thank you and I hope you enjoy the series.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 6 years ago from Wales

      Hi Dexter,

      I caqn't believe that I haven't read these until now,and starting on the 19th is a true picture of how I usually do things.

      I start in the middle or start at the end=lol-

      However I am going back to the very beginning now and I know I am going to enjoyu them !! You are so funny Dexter and that combined with your obvious talent can only be a recipe for good things to come.

      I vote up and up to the top here.

      Take care my friend,

      Eiddwen.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Hi iZeko! Thanks so much!!! My aim is to make people laugh!

    • iZeko profile image

      iZeko 6 years ago

      You crack me up, as usual. Maybe you should apply for a job in Obama’s administration ;-)))

      Where is the “hilarious” button?

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Hi Always Exploring! Thank you so much for the kind words!

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 6 years ago from Southern Illinois

      This is soo funny. I love President Obama, a little humor is good for the soul. Epi sent me over here and i'm glad he did. You're a GREAT satire writer.

      Cheers

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Thank you, Jamie! I hope you get to check out the others.

    • JamieDoyle profile image

      JamieDoyle 6 years ago

      oh dear, my sides are aching from teh laughter

      good job

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Thanks, John! I appreciate your comments and checking this out!

    • john.maco profile image

      john.maco 6 years ago

      Just saw it on traffup.net. You are amazing Dexter and I look forward to reading your other articles.

    • john.maco profile image

      john.maco 6 years ago

      Just saw it on traffup.net. You are amazing Dexter and I look forward to reading your other articles.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Hi Ldrtchbrd! You are right! And I like Joints R Us!

    • Ldrtchbrd profile image

      Ldrtchbrd 6 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Crack in the box - LOL! Although, you never know... Joints R Us may be a reality in the not too distant future! :)

    • TheManWithNoPants profile image

      TheManWithNoPants 6 years ago from Tucson, Az.

      You bet bud. I guess you could say I'm passionate about my "No Pants" politics. Fanatic, weirdo, nut job, are some other words that come to mind also. (laughing)

      jim

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Thanks, TMWNP! Epi mentioned that we should get in touch with one another! I hope you enjoy the rest! I am a follower as well! Thanks again!

    • TheManWithNoPants profile image

      TheManWithNoPants 6 years ago from Tucson, Az.

      D.

      Colin sent me over here, and I'm glad he did. Good stuff my man! I'll be reading the others later today and as time permits. I'm now a follower!

      jim

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Thank you, Dahoglund!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Hi Ghost! Thanks a million!

    • dahoglund profile image

      Don A. Hoglund 6 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

      Good satire.

    • profile image

      Ghost32 6 years ago

      Dang! My information is way off. Here I thought it was watermelon and red Kool-Aid!

      Sick from eating his own words...yeah. There ought to be a WHOLE lot of indigestion going on in the Oval Office on Election Day 2012....

      LOVE that Chilean Mine Rescue Team graphic....

      Crack in the box! Oh, man....

      Up and the bunch!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Thank you, Jo!

    • Jo_Goldsmith11 profile image

      Jo_Goldsmith11 6 years ago

      really cool! I love this! I will have to go and take a look see on your other ones about Michelle and Barack. really nice work..LOL

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Hi BeautifulNatural! Thank you so much!

    • BeautifulNatural profile image

      BeautifulNatural 6 years ago

      I am in tears...this is hilarious! You are an excellent writer. Lol

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Hi Mo! How about this, I will come up with something in a few weeks and see if you like it? Ok?

    • profile image

      Motown2Chitown 6 years ago

      I think "piece of work" is an apt description for any wife named Michelle (or Michele) ;-) At least, my husband would say so.

      Dexter, you could do slide shows of great pictures and have your conversations set to appropriate music for the soundtrack. It would be awesome!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Hi Mo! Thank you! Like I mentioned to Epi, above, I would not know where to begin with Youtube, etc. Hopefully you will keep enjoying it here at HP!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Thanks, Izeko! Yes, Michelle is a piece of work!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Hi Epi! Thanks so much for your kind remarks. I wouldn't know where to begin with actors and such. Hopefully, you will keep reading and enjoying!

    • profile image

      Motown2Chitown 6 years ago

      Gotta jump in too....epi, I so agree with you. Dexter could EASILY become an overnight Internet success if he threw this stuff onto You Tube.

    • iZeko profile image

      iZeko 6 years ago

      Michelle is full of brilliant ideas, LOL! Love the hub!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 6 years ago

      ..I am just jumping right in here - and I must say it again - this is one of the best Hub series ever ......so brilliant and so well conceived - this could run on You Tube or HBO as a tv show -slash - reality show - as played by actors .......

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Hi Cardisa! Michelle is one to speak her mind and share her thoughts. Whether you agree with her or not!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Hi Sueswan! Thank you. I'm not sure if I would brighten up his days or not! lol

    • Cardisa profile image

      Carolee Samuda 6 years ago from Jamaica

      In real life, does Michelle really talk so much? I like the photo of her by the way. She looks pissed!

    • profile image

      Sueswan 6 years ago

      Hi Dexter :-)

      I think Obama should hire you to be part of his administration. I think much more can be accomplished through humor and you have loads of it.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 6 years ago

      Thanks Dexter, I missed you too!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Pop! Welcome back! Thank you so much. You were missed!

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 6 years ago

      Thank you for making me a fly on the wall. At last we get some real insight into the lives of the "perfect" couple. You rock! Up and funny, very funny.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Hi Dallas! I am so glad you like it!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Hi Terri. Thanks so much! Glad you enjoyed it!

    • dallasnicole profile image

      dallasnicole 6 years ago from Maryland

      I really like this! Very creative Dexter...

    • Terri Meredith profile image

      Terri Meredith 6 years ago from Pennsylvania

      As usual, you .....crack me up!!!!

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 6 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      It's brilliant work, Dex!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Hi Will! Yeah, my latest installment! I had fun with it!

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 6 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Crack in the Box?

      LOL!

    • profile image

      Motown2Chitown 6 years ago

      Humor is always welcome here, Dexter. We writers tend to take ourselves way too seriously, you know. ;-) Peace, my friend!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Caltex, I really appreciate your kind and generous remarks. I enjoy bringing some humor into the lives of those of us at HP. Thanks for reading!

    • caltex profile image

      caltex 6 years ago

      Dexter, I was laughing all the way!

      I agree with both Sunnie and M2C. I know eventually someone will catch on and take you away from HP for a very lucrative spot. (I wish I had the money to make you an offer you cannot refuse for these series! LOL!) It is bound to happen, and when it does, I trust you would let us know where to find to you.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Hi Sunnie Day! Thanks for brightening the day! Laughter and humor keeps me from crying sometimes. And thank YOU. I enjoy writing this series and seeing the fun others get out of it.

      See you soon!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Thank you so much for your kind words, Mo! I hope you enjoy the others in the series! YOU are the talented one!

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 6 years ago

      I am rolling right now...you are one funny man Dexter...Thank you for sharing your wonderful sense of humor. ..This seems like it should go somewhere beside hub..Just sayin!

      Have a great night,

      Sunnie

    • profile image

      Motown2Chitown 6 years ago

      This is absolutely hysterical. I have to go through the rest of them. You, my friend, are a seriously talented man. :-)