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The Morning Conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama #14

Updated on October 23, 2011
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April 27, 2011 - The Royals

A fictional account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Fourteenth in a series.

Enroute on Air Force One to Chicago

Michelle: I'm glad you released your birth certificate today. Now maybe Trump, with all his money, can focus on finding a suitable toupee for that big head of his.

Barack: Yes. We do not have time for this kind of silliness! We have real matters that need attention.

Michelle: Hopefully that nonsense will be put to rest.

Barack: It will be good to see Oprah today. After the taping we fly to New York for a few fundraisers.

Michelle: Yeah. Oprah has been a good friend to us. The show won't be on live today will it?

Barack: No. I think it airs on May 2nd.

Michelle: Well, at least Oprah invited us on her show.

Barack: What do you mean...you knew...are you talking about that wedding Friday?

Michelle: Yes, Barack. That crap about Prince William not being a head of state is BS. How do you not invite the president of the country which is your closest ally?

Barack: Well, my understanding is that some foreign royal crowned heads of state are invited. You know like Kings and Queens.

Michelle: Yeah, I heard that. Since the United States and Great Britain have been allies, whenever they are getting their asses kicked around the world, the first call they make is to the office of the U.S. President for help! This protocol crap is BS, Barack!

Barack: Now, Michelle. How about this...when our daughters get married we won't invite them! Ha ha ha!

Michelle: Not funny, Barack. I hear Guy Ritchie, Beyonce and Kanye West are going.

Barack: You know members of the royal family are wishy-washy anyway. It's their wedding. They can invite or not invite who they want. Just think, they didn't even invite the Duchess of York, former Prime Minister Tony Blair or former Prime Minister Gordon Brown. They also didn't invite the Bushes or the Clinton's. Forget it. Plus we are going there in May to visit. Don't buy into the media hype. I checked it out this morning. It was rare for any American president to attend a royal wedding in the past, even when they did get an invitation.

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Michelle: OK, I will drop it Barack. But you need to know when you are being snubbed.

Barack: I do know. Like when I went to Las Vegas last year and Mayor Goodman refused to meet with me because I made a simple analogy.

Michelle: Yeah. Forget that clown.

Barack: Have you ever noticed how funny the British speak?

Michelle: Yeah, like they have a nasal problem! They say 'arse' instead of 'ass.' Can you imagine a kid on the south side of Chicago sayin', I'm going to kick your 'arse?' The Chicago Police would be pickin' his 'arse' out of Lake Michigan!

Barack: Ha ha ha!!! Yeah!!

Michelle: And they say 'bloody.' 'Cheerio mate! Bloody awful day!' (using British accent)

Barack: Yeah! They are worse than Leroy!

Michelle: Yeah! How about this: The teacher told Leroy to use DOMINEERING in a sentence. He said, "My girlfriend's birthday was yesterday, so I got her a DOMINEERING."

Barack: Ha ha ha ha!! (laughing hysterically)

Michelle: OK, then the teacher told Leroy to use DERANGE in a sentence. He said, "DERANGE is where da deer and Buffalo play."

Barack: Ha ha ha! 'Bloody' good jokes 'mate!' They sure are 'cracking!' (using British accent)

Michelle: I was 'narked' about not getting an invitation to the wedding, 'mate!' But I am feeling 'smashing' now! (using British accent)

Barack: 'Bloody' good!

Michelle: If it be 'Her Majesty's Pleasure', I'm going off to 'spend a penny!' (using British accent)

Barack: 'Cheerio!'

Michelle: But in all seriousness, Barack. I'm done with the royal stupidity. I am leaving it alone.

Barack: 'Bloody' good.

Michelle: But while we are taping 'Oprah' and when you go to those fundraisers in New York, please watch what you say. OK?

Barack: 'Blimey', Michelle! It will be a 'smashing' good day! I won't be 'snookered!' (using British accent)

Stay Tuned for More 'Morning Conversations...' with Barack & Michelle Obama, next time!

Copyright 2011 - Dexter Yarbrough

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    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 6 years ago

      Blimey, President Obama doesn't have time for a wedding anyway. Our country is imploding by George! Cheerio...

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Bloody good response, Pops!

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 6 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Heh, heh!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Thanks for checking it out, Will!

    • caltex profile image

      caltex 6 years ago

      Dexter, I've been following these morning conversations. I know you always start by saying they are fictional and yet I get carried away as I read on and almost forget it is all fiction. You are a very good writer! Thanks for the great reads!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Thank you so much, Caltex! I am so glad you are enjoying the series. Please know that I am following and enjoying your hubs as well!

    • izettl profile image

      Laura Irwin 6 years ago from The Great Northwest

      Interesting, entertaining too. But I don't think showing a full birth certificate is "nonsense". I've had to show mine for lesser things.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Hi Izetti! Thanks for reading. Please remember it is fiction and does not necessarily reflect my personal views.

    • tamlynken profile image

      tamlynken 6 years ago from Georgia

      I like, I could see them really speaking like this. very creative.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Thanks, Tamlynken!

    • fastfreta profile image

      Alfreta Sailor 6 years ago from Southern California

      WOW! This all seems so real, I'll be back for more. Very good Dexter, Voted up/awesome! By the way, welcome to HubPages.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Thanks, Fastfreta! I appreciate you checking it out.

    • profile image

      Stu From VT 6 years ago

      What scares me is that we are probably paying a forture for these two to travel around in AF1 going on vacations and taking their extended families to economic summits in Scandinavia, and the convo's may actually be this silly. I would love to be a fly on the wall on one of those trips.

      Stu

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Hi Stu! Thanks for checking it out!

    • profile image

      Stu From VT 6 years ago

      YW Dexter!!! Stu

    • profile image

      Ghost32 6 years ago

      Snookered. Hadn't heard that one in a while.

      Didn't know about Kanye West attending the wedding. Guess as long as they didn't invite Taylor Swift at the same time, it probably worked out okay....

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Right on, Ghost! lol

    • profile image

      Stu From VT 6 years ago

      Dexter, PLEASE run for president. I still want to vote for you.

      Stu

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Ha ha ha! No way, Stu!

    • profile image

      Stu From VT 6 years ago

      Dexter,

      Just looked at a pretty credible GOP straw poll (about 30,000 votes).

      Herman Cain was in the lead, followed by Ron Paul, Sarah Palin, and Michele Bachmann. There were about ten others, but they had very small numbers. Cain's lead over Paul was significant. But this early in the game is a lifetime in politics, so I expect these numbers are going to "flop around" until we get close to the primary.

      Stu

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Hi Stu! Yes you are right. It certainly will be an interesting political season. I'm looking forward to seeing who will pull ahead.

    • profile image

      Stu From VT 6 years ago

      Hi Dexter,

      That poll is now up to 50,000 votes. Cain is still way ahead, with something like 25% of the votes. His business experience will help him with those looking for executive ability, and his stint as chairman of one of the Federal Reserve banks will help him with monetary policy (which needs alot of change from Bernanke's "printing press" policy). Where I think Cain will have problems is with those voters looking for deep knowledge of government policy (federal law, geopolitics, military issues, etc.). I sometimes wonder why Cain didn't take Allen West's route, and serve in Congress first; that way he'd have the "complete package" when he makes his POTUS run. It's true that alot of campaigning is just a "beauty contest," and he might be able to blunt lack of knowledge in key areas with witty verbiage. But after falling for rhetoric in 2008 and getting burned, I think voters are going to be more introspective in 2012. Policy experience and a favorable Congressional voting record may be important to a slice of American voters.

      Stu

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Hi Stu! I see that Cain is gaining more momentum. He certainly brings a different perspective to the narrow field on the GOP side. I am hopeful that the voters will look more for substance as we move forward. Thanks, Stu!

    • profile image

      Stu From VT 6 years ago

      YW Dexter. I certainly hope the voters laser focus on substance, and downplay the "beauty factor." Even if Cain is the best speaker, we should vote for the best substance, which may be Cain or another pol. After four years of Obama, we need the best we can get. I'm especially going to be looking for candidates that promise to submit bills to reverse Obama's damage to our federal legal system (laws that passed during his tenure that are not constitutional).

      Stu

    • Ashantina profile image

      Ashantina 5 years ago

      ...yep Im guilty I do say 'arse'!! A bloody good hub this is Dexter! )):

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States

      Thanks, Ashantina! Always good to see you!

    • profile image

      Lesleysherwood 5 years ago

      O man. I'm blushing. Its all true.... that's exactly how we speak.

      You have done a jolly good job here Dexter, cheerio old chap, I'm off to spend a penny:)

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States

      I tried to capture the essence of British speak - in a most respectful way!

    • alian346 profile image

      alian346 5 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

      THIS IS PRICELESS! I'm on the floor! You're extracting the urine from the English and I'm a Scot!! Hilarious - I can actually 'hear' the Obamas speaking in this accent. If you can draw cartoons you should animate them and sell them to a big TV company and make your fortune!

      Have you heard this one? A child was asked to compose a sentence using the word benign. The child answered 'benign is what you be after you be eight.'

      'There's a moose loose aroond this hoose' and 'It's a braw bricht moonlicht nicht the nicht' - try to translate these sentences for me!

      Ian.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States

      Hi Ian! I am so glad you enjoyed it. I know I enjoyed poking fun at the Brits! I love that benign joke. I might have to use that one. The last one you are going to have to help me with.

      I really have fun with this series. Thank you!

    • alian346 profile image

      alian346 5 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

      They're Scottish, Dexter, and mean:

      'There's a mouse running around in the house' and

      'It's a beautifully moonlit night.'

      Am away to read #17 and #18 later!

      Ian.

    • alian346 profile image

      alian346 5 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

      I have to share this with you, Dexter. I think Mr Obama has been reading your Hubs. He and Mr Cameron just gave speeches on the White House lawn (around 145pm British time) and he was using lots of Brit phrases!! Try and catch it on the news if you can.

      Ian.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States

      Oh. Ok now I understand. I have to catch up on my Scottish humor and phrases! Ha ha ha!!

      If Mr. Obama is reading my hubs I am in trouble! I will check it out. Thanks for checking out my hubs, Ian! I appreciate it!

    • alian346 profile image

      alian346 5 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

      Here's another one courtesy of Billy Connolly - if something is useless then it can be described as being 'as much use as a fart in a spacesuit'!

      Ian.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States

      Ian. YOU are the one with the great sense of humor! Ha ha ha!!

    • Lisas-thoughts101 profile image

      Lisas-thoughts101 5 years ago from Northeast Texas

      Dex, I got busy but am thrilled to be back at the michele and barack conversations. You are so talented at making them seem "real to life". I think I am now annoyed with our little "cute" royal couple. Guess I forgot they snubbed the Obamas :( You are right about one thing....... they sure don't lose our number in times of crisis.

      Lisa

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States

      So true! So true! I'm glad you are back. Thanks!

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