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The Morning Conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama #34

Updated on November 6, 2012
Oatmeal w/Apples and Raisins
Oatmeal w/Apples and Raisins
Leroy
Leroy

Relations is a Beautiful Thing - June 7, 2012

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Number 34 in the series.

(In the White House Kitchen)

Michelle: What are you having for breakfast this morning?

Barack: I think I will have oatmeal with apples and raisins.

Michelle: Good! That's what I told Tyrone to get for you!

Barack: Are you a mind reader?

Michelle: Nope! A wife. Guess who is back in town?

Barack: Oh, no!

Michelle: Yes! Leroy is in from Chicago!

(Leroy enters the White House kitchen)

Leroy: Surprise!

Barack: Yuck!

Leroy: It is good to see you too, Mr. Prez!

Barack: Why do you come here so often? Here I am, the leader of the free world, and I can't keep you out of the White House!

Michelle: Stop it, Barack! You know Leroy is my friend! He is here at my invitation!

Leroy: Thanks, Michelle! The Prez is looking a little uptight. You guys need to have "relations!"

Michelle: Leroy!!!

Leroy: What?! I mean, with all the talk about same "relations" relationships, I was wondering if it was still legal for a man and woman to have "relations!"

Barack: My "relations" is none of your business, Leroy!

Leroy: Hmmm, I wonder what you are doing when the Secret Service has their backs turned?!

(Michelle laughs)

FDR
FDR
LBJ
LBJ
Clintons
Clintons

Barack: See, Michelle! This is why we argue. He always says the wrong thing!

Michelle: Stop it! Both of you!

Leroy: C'mon! You guys have the most "relations" less relationship there is as far the public knows! Have you ever "done it" on Air Force One? How about in the Oval Office with a head of state waiting right outside the door? What about in the Rose Garden?

Michelle: No! We are very private when it comes to "relations."

Barack: That's right!

Leroy: You know, we Americans are a bunch of hypocrites! Half-dressed women and men are on billboards, in magazines and on TV everyday. And don't let me start on the porn industry. Yet, people in public life (outside of Hollywood) are frowned upon for a normal, healthy activity!

Barack: Can we change the subject, please?

Leroy: Oh, you can talk about same-"relations" marriage, but not hetero-"relations!"

Michelle: Why are you so interested in what we do or don't do?

Leroy: Because you are big time liberals! Look at FDR, JFK and LBJ! Those dudes knew "relations!" Ha ha ha!! And Clinton! That guy's pheromones heated up if a woman within 100 feet sneezed!

Michelle: Ha ha ha ha!!!!

Barack: (chuckles) So what are you saying? Conservatives don't have "relations?"

Leroy: Of course not! I mean, you can imagine FDR in his wheelchair! And you can hear JFK in that Boston accent. "It'll be our secret, honey. I don't want Bobby and J. Edgar to find out!"

Michelle: Oh, my goodness! Ha ha ha!!!

Leroy: And LBJ with that southern drawl! "Her hot pants were so tight, if she farted, she'd blow her boots off! Better'n cornpone!"

Barack: You are too much!

Leroy: And Clinton. "Sorry, Hilary. I don't know what got into me, but her backside was slicker than a harpooned hippo on a banana tree."

Michelle: I am so glad that no one else can hear what is going on in here! The American people would be stunned!

Leroy: Yeah, right! But this is what I mean. People expect "relations" in a liberal White House. Those other guys were "relations" less. They got off on war! Can you imagine Nixon having "relations?"

Barack: He was married to Pat.

Leroy: No! He was married to Ehrlichman and Haldeman - and those tapes!

Michelle: What?

Barack: What about Ford?

Leroy: Nope! No "relations!" That's why Betty had to go to that clinic!

Barack: That is not funny!

Michelle: Yeah, it is! Ha ha ha ha!!

Nancy Reagan
Nancy Reagan

Leroy: And you know Reagan didn't.

Barack: How do you know?

Leroy: Cause he was more interested in Star Wars, breaking down walls, secret wars in Central America and riding horses.

Michelle: And?

Leroy: And that's why Nancy sought out psychics and astrologers! She wanted to know if The Gipper could "rise" to the occasion!

Barack: Now, that is funny! Ha ha ha!!

Leroy: That's where the slogan, "Just Say No," came from! Not to drugs, but to "relations!"

Michelle: (Almost falls out of her chair laughing)

Barack: Well obviously George Bush the father had "relations" with Barbara.

Leroy: Uh, excuse me! That woman has looked like his white-haired grandmother since she was 18 years old! She is an alien that has kept him "relations" less for years. She's from the planet KNOT. On that planet, children materialize out of thin air. They are not birthed like on our planet. Yeah, he was into voodoo economics and the War in Kuwait. Do people even have "relations" in Maine?

Barack: You are getting to be ridiculous!

Michelle: (Still chuckling)

Barack: I'll bite. What about George Bush the son and Laura?

Leroy: Well, you know whiskey and cocaine dulls the senses in (looking down) that area. Again, his focus was on war. No time for "relations." Not even alien "relations" from the planet KNOT.

Michelle: What is alien "relations" from the planet KNOT?

Leroy: They bury their head in the sand. To us humans it seems as if they have no inkling as to what is happening around them. To them, it is an extreme, mindless, orgasmic experience!

Barack: Oh, no!

Leroy: And Laura is from the planet NUN. No "relations" on that planet. They just look doe-eyed and agree with everyone around them - from the planet KNOT.

Grandma Klump
Grandma Klump

Michelle: Leroy, you need to be institutionalized right away!

Leroy: So, that brings me back to you and the Prez! How do you want to be seen? The first black FLOTUS and the first black POTUS. I mean half-black POTUS! Ha ha ha!!!

Barack: There we go with the funnies again.

Leroy: I'm trying to get you to be more active with your "funnies!" You make us black guys look bad. No out-of -wedlock children! No multiple women in the same neighborhood! No scandals exposing you as "my baby's daddy!" What the hell is wrong with you?!

Michelle: Leroy, it is about time for you to go!

Barack: My presidency is going to be about job growth, reducing spending, bringing the troops home and college education.

Leroy: FDR got the nation going again with his New Deal, LBJ with his Great Society programs and Clinton gave this country one of its best economic times as well as a surplus. See, all this was happening while they were having lots and lots of "relations."

Barack: Oh, really?

Leroy: Yeah, and if Romney wins, this nation and the world will experience prosperity like it has never known!

Barack: And why is that?

Leroy: Well, many, many years ago on one of the trillions of planets somewhere in the galaxy, a spirit child was born to a god and one of his wives...

Michelle: We can stop with this! I am curious to know why you haven't mentioned Carter?

Leroy: Because he reminds me so much of Barack!

Barack: Huh?

Leroy: The romance was great! The kissing was really good! But when it was time to perform, ultimate failure.

Michelle: You mean with his wife?

Leroy: No silly, with the country!

Barack: Get out, Leroy! Secret Service!

Leroy: Get some "relations" up in here!

(Secret Service grabs Leroy and escorts him out)

Leroy: Get your hands off me! Call me, Michelle!!

Copyright © 2012. Dexter Yarbrough. All Rights Reserved.

Relations

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    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I wish I had the time to catch up on this entire series. For that I am sorry but I'll keep plugging away and eventually I'll be up to snuff...whatever that means. :)

      You are a very funny man my friend and it's a joy reading your works.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Leroy, my man is back in the house! The White House that is! I've missed Leroy. He has become quite feisty in his absence. And much funnier!!! I'm going to tweet this to BO, but I'm not quite sure he's going to find this as amusing as we do. Then again he does have a unique sense of humor! UP and everything else.... :)

    • dahoglund profile image

      Don A. Hoglund 4 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

      Leroy, there are some things I don't think I want to know.funny hub.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 4 years ago

      Oh Boy...Wow, this was GREAT Satire, Dexter...If Obama has a sense of Humor, he'd LOVE this one. Leroy is Wonderful, you've built his Character up nicely. Funny, Funny read...worth the wait!

    • bethperry profile image

      Beth Perry 4 years ago from Tennesee

      Leroy is right of course..but gosh the imagery here is just downright painful. I think it'd be easier to imagine the wicked witch of the west get it on with Boy George.

      But very, very funny, Dex- voted up!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Dex....Leroy is my kind of man!! This is at the top of the funniest stuff ever! This is genius humor, Dex...I beg you to put them ALL into a book. Don't you realize you'd be a millionaire in no time? I mean, c'mon Dexter...what sells? Sex, drugs & POLITICS!

      Poor Leroy needn't be so concerned. Somebody please tell him, Politicians screw everyone in sight!

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      this is GREAT!

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Dexter I think you are going to get invited to the White House. I sure hope they let you leave.

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Gotta love Leroy!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi Billybuc! Thank you so much! I do hope you can find some time to check out the others!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi Sunshine! Thank you. And Leroy thanks you. But are you trying to get me thrown out of the country?! I hope he does have a sense of humor! Leroy was just kidding!!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi Dahoglund! I am going to have to have a talk with Leroy!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi b. Malin! Leroy thanks you from the bottom of his heart - and the interrogation room at Secret Service headquarters!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi Beth! The Wicked Witch of the West and Boy George - the makings of another conversation. Please, don't give Leroy any more ammunition!

      Oh, and he thanks you! :-)

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      I got your back with BO Dex...no worries!:)

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi Fpher! Leroy is a big fan of yours. He says there is much in common between you two!

      I will talk with him about the book. He thanks you for the kind remarks! Millionaire, huh? Maybe we need to get started on this! :-)

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Thanks, Sunshine! Whew...!!!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi MHatter99! Leroy is so glad you enjoyed laughing at his predicament! Thanks and welcome!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi Mckbirdbks! I take no responsibility for Leroy and his comments! He has to take it like a man!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi Will! Leroy is a great fan of yours! He thanks you for all your support!

    • anglnwu profile image

      anglnwu 4 years ago

      You've a great imagination. The interaction was believable. Thanks for sharing.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi Anglnwu! I try to stay out of this. Leroy is responsible for this interaction. He is too much! And he thanks you!

    • gail641 profile image

      Gail Louise Stevenson 4 years ago from Mason City

      Leroy is pretty funny. Great conversation he had with the prez and his wife. Very interesting and fun to read.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Thank you, Gail641! I will tell him about your kind words. I think he has been released by the Secret Service by now!

      Thank you! :-)

    • gail641 profile image

      Gail Louise Stevenson 4 years ago from Mason City

      Your welcome. Good for him:-)

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 4 years ago

      All funny and very entertaining! Those close ups of the Ombamas are one's I have not seen before. It's kind of nice to see them this way.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Thank you, Teaches! Yes, it is nice to see them close! It's the way they should be together.

    • profile image

      Sueswan 4 years ago

      Hi Dexter!

      Leroy: And that's why Nancy sought out psychics and astrologers! She wanted to know if The Gipper could "rise" to the occasion! LMAO

      When it comes to great hubs you always "rise to the occasion!

      Have a great weekend :)

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi Sueswan! Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed it. Have a great weekend as well!

    • CMerritt profile image

      Chris Merritt 4 years ago from Pendleton, Indiana

      Dexter YOU are one funny guy!!!

      Funny, yet somewhat believble!!!

      Chris

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Thanks, Chris! I appreciate the kind remarks

    • neeleshkulkarni profile image

      neeleshkulkarni 4 years ago from new delhi

      Didn't Michelle tell Leroy , "Barack raised a lot of hopes in the beginning but nothing else rose thereafter."

      (and of course she DOES refer to employment , growth rates et all)She has been heard saying this often enough.'lolll

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      This is the funniest episode..HaHa, I adore Leroy, he's my main man. The video cracked me up. I just can't imagine the President having sex. I honestly don't know why. The picture of the Clintons is priceless for this piece, the wrath of a woman, yipes..Poor Bill.. Enjoyed so much..Thank you..

    • Rosemay50 profile image

      Rosemary Sadler 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

      Leroy is my favourite character. This episode is one of the funniest.

      Kinda sad to think of the day when Obama leaves the Whitehouse... I will miss these breakfast conversations. Lol

      Up and awesome

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi Neeleshkulkarni! YOU are the one that is funny! Thank you so much!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi AE! Thank you! I always enjoy it when you visit my hubs. Leroy is back and at his silliest! Thanks for being one my biggest supporters of this series!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi Rosemay! Thank you so much. The Obamas' conversations may end someday but Leroy, I have a feeling, will show up somewhere! Thanks for the votes!

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 4 years ago

      Sex? Impossible when you realize that Michelle sees a head of broccoli when she gazes at her husband. She calls him Barackolini! You are awesome and funny and I voted your hub that way.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      That Leroy - he's a very funny guy. And so are you, Dex. This was the best of the BO conversations to date. Voted very funny and way UP there.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi Pop! I love it! Barackolini! You are as bad as Leroy! Thanks!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi Dr. BJ! Thank you so much! By now, Leroy has been released from custody and is relaxing at home!

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 4 years ago from North Carolina

      This is laugh out loud funny but I got some disturbing mental images when Barbara Bush popped up. Hmm... You have a real knack for dialouge and humor. This is one of the funniest series I have read. I guess we will have to tune in this November to see if the series continues. Keep up the great work!

    • Victoria Lynn profile image

      Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

      Too funny, too funny. This is the first one I've read. May have to read more!

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      Hilarious and funny as usual, Dex. You are a pastmaster at this.

      Voted up, awesome.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi Tammy! I hear you about the mental images of Barbara Bush! Thanks for the kind remarks! I am looking forward to what happens in November as well. If Obama loses, the final episodes will be something else to read!!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Thank you, Victoria! I am glad you enjoyed it. Please come back and read more!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi Rajan! Thank you, sir! It is always a pleasure to see you!

    • moonlake profile image

      moonlake 4 years ago from America

      Oh, that Leroy, how funny he is. Voted up and will be back to read more.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Thanks, Moonlake! Yes, Leroy is something else!

    • sheila b. profile image

      sheila b. 4 years ago

      Interesting, Leroy imagines past Presidents having affairs but there doesn't seem to be even one he imagines having 'relations' with his wife. I wonder why...

    • StayPos profile image

      StayPos 4 years ago from Florida, USA

      Dexter,

      You know, as the old saying goes... everyone seems to have a crazy cousin or “family friend" that epitomizes an outrageous skeleton trying to burst out of the closet! Leroy certainly fits the bill here!

      I just about fell out of my chair with much of his commentary :-)

      I would suggest he start looking for an agent for his national comedy tour!

      As always, tremendous stuff Dex!

      Voted Up and Awesome!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi Sheila. That is because Leroy is not married!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi StayPos! Leroy is just that - a crazy friend! Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks so much!

    • bethperry profile image

      Beth Perry 4 years ago from Tennesee

      A reoccurring thought is in my mind - that Leroy would make a much more interesting press secretary than the one the Prez has now. I can't see him making me nod off to sleep, ever!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Leroy is one heck of a fella. He tells it like he sees it. I think he could be a bit more tactful though. I will mention it to him when we talk next.

      As press secretary, he would probably take too much attention away from the Prez (and we know he can't have that)! But yes, he would certainly keep the press corps awake and enlightened!

    • JT Walters profile image

      JT Walters 4 years ago from Florida

      Pretty funny Dex.

      I think Barack needs a real Leroy in his life if not you!! Great series!! You forgot the Lincoln bedroom which Lincoln is Barack's favorite president!!

      Good one!

      JT

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Thanks, JT!

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Happy Birthday Dexter! :)

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      Hey buddy - I sure hope this legendary series ends up where it belongs - in the White House - before the Obamas leave - which probably won't be for another four years - lol - I love your photography too - and thanks for your warm comments at Maria's new interview - sending you warm wishes from lake erie time 7:40 am and you da man too.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Thank you so much!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      My pleasure! And thank you!

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Hi Son,

      Wow, I'm late for the party... but hope you had a wonderful day.

      Leroy stole the show... hoping he is able to return soon, heading now to find out in your next installment... Voted UP & FAB. Hugs, Momma

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi Momma! You are never too late! Leroy is doing well. He should be returning soon!

      Thank you!

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Dexter, Dex, Dex! You make me laugh so hard I'm crying!! Omg! Priceless! So hilarious...you are brilliant with these!

      Ohhh funny stuff man! Go Dexter!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
      Author

      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi RealHousewife! Thank you! I am so happy that it brought you some enjoyment! I aim to make people laugh!

    • Made profile image

      Madeleine Salin 4 years ago from Finland

      Hilarious! How am I ever going to be able to catch up with this entertaining series of hubs? This is just wonderful. :)

    • mismazda profile image

      mismazda 4 years ago from a southern georgia peach

      LOL....I love and your pictures as well....especially the Klumps.....:)Up and funny...

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi Made! Thank you. Just take your time and enjoy! I really appreciate your generous comments!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Hi Mismazda! Thank you so much! I hope you will read some of the others as well!

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 4 years ago from United States

      This was hysterical and the pictures added to the humor. I'm glad you are keeping up with the demand for your humorous morning conversations.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      I really enjoy writing these. Although I only write them once a month, people seem to look forward to them! Thanks!

    • Jo_Goldsmith11 profile image

      Jo_Goldsmith11 4 years ago

      really funny. Leroy really got into trouble with the Pres. hahaha

      voted up.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image
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      Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

      Thanks, Jo! Glad you enjoyed it. I have been away but will return soon!

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