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The Morning Conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama #36

Updated on November 6, 2012

October 22, 2012 - Float Like a Butterfly, Sting Like a Bee

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Number 36 in the series.

(In the White House Kitchen)

Barack: Michelle, it has been three weeks since the first debate. Why are you still upset? I did better during the second debate! When will the silence end?

Michelle: (cold, icy stare) Why are you talking to me? I told you to leave me alone!

Barack: There is another debate tonight. I promise to do better. But we have to communicate!

Leroy: Well, you need to knock it out of the park!

Barack: How much longer are you going to be my unwelcome guest?

Michelle: Leroy is my friend! Be nice to him, Barack!

Leroy: By the way, Michelle, I saw your old boyfriend, Sylvester, back in Chicago a few weeks ago. He still looks good!

Barack: Isn't that the guy with the big chest? Ha ha ha!

Michelle: He doesn't have a big chest!

Barack: He does! He always looks like he's wearing a training bra! Ha ha ha!

Leroy: He's married and he and his wife just had a baby.

Barack: Yeah, I wonder who's feeding it!

Michelle: Barack!

Barack: It was just a joke!

Michelle: No! You were a joke during that first debate! I have never been more embarrassed! You idiot! We were way ahead in the polls and you let that meandering, bumbling, woman-hating man get back in this race!

Leroy: Damn, Mr. Prez! That's more words in 10 seconds than you have gotten from her in three weeks!

Barack: But I did better in the second debate.

Michelle: Second doesn't get it, nincompoop! You have one chance to make a great impression. Your head was down! You were mumbling! You looked like a rack amateur! I'm starting to believe that you do need a teleprompter to talk! And on our anniversary!

Leroy: (laughs out loud) Ha ha ha!!!

Barack: Well, I was talking well and you were loving it when we were having "relations" just a few hours before the debate....

Michelle: (snapping fingers, rolling head and eyes) Oh, no you didn't! Oh, no you didn't just bring our sex life into this conversation, because, Mr. President, that performance was just as lackluster as your debate performance!

Leroy: (falls on floor laughing and crying)

Michelle: So, since you want me to talk, listen up! You need to up your performance in the debate room - and the bedroom - skinny! You got to bring ass to get ass! Romney came prepared and had you looking like a little lost boy. And, yes! You did better during the second debate. But you are the president. Mitt acted and treated you as though he were the boss white man and you were his Uncle Tom darky!

Leroy: Half darky!

Michelle: You are the President, Barack! Act like it and remind Mitt that he is trying to get where you already are! Bring ass, Barack! Bring ass to get ass!

Barack: This whole thing has just been tough, Michelle.

Michelle: I know it's tough! But this is the major leagues and you wanted to play ball. You know this, I know this and the people not living in a fantasy land know this. George Bush the second is responsible for this mess we are in. And those republicans and tea party folks know it and are too ashamed to mention his name. You are working to turn this country around. And if it were not for your skin color, Mitt Romney would have been toast a long time ago. There are still folks that will smile in your face and stab you in the back. They won't call you the N word to your face for fear of getting their teeth shoved down their wimpy, cowardice throats. So they try to use flowery words in the English language and the voting booth to hide their disgust for you - just because you are who you are. Their is a special, segregated hell for them.

Leroy: Amen!

Michelle: Be on the offensive, Barack! Fight back and show this nation that Barack Hussein Obama is the leader of the United States of America, he will help us out of this turmoil, and he will win this election!

Leroy: Yeah! Send Ritt Momney back to Utah or California or Massachusetts or wherever he's from! Doesn't he have like a dozen wives and 18 boys or something?

Barack: So you really do believe in me, Michelle?

Michelle: Of course! But you need to believe in you, Barack! We have two weeks to turn this thing around. Bring ass on Libya!

Leroy: Yeah, I doubt Romney even knows where that is on a map!

Michelle: His lack of knowledge on foreign affairs works in your favor! Ok, you need to jab and pivot on the economy. Stick, hit and move like Muhammad Ali! Romney has no plan to fix the mess GEORGE BUSH got us into. Remind the nation of this. And if Romney uses the well-worn, "Are you better off today than you were four years ago?" Say, "yes" and thank goodness we have term limits so that BUSH didn't get another chance to screw things up. Nor will you!

Leroy: Yeah, and if he says something you don't like, just say, "Yo Momma!"

Michelle: Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee! Rumble young man, rumble!

Leroy: Bring ass!

Copyright © 2012. Dexter Yarbrough. All Rights Reserved.

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    • Dexter Yarbrough profile imageAUTHOR

      Dexter Yarbrough 

      5 years ago from United States

      Thanks, Rajan! Always great to see you!

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 

      5 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      Hi Dex, Hilarious and enjoyable as ever my friend. I love this series by you. Great pics and videos.

      Voted up, funny and awesome.

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile imageAUTHOR

      Dexter Yarbrough 

      6 years ago from United States

      Thanks, Denise!

    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 

      6 years ago from North Carolina

      Sure wish I would have read this before the third debate, but I missed out. I did watch the debate and I love this episode as well as your well chosen videos. Great job, Dexter. :)

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile imageAUTHOR

      Dexter Yarbrough 

      6 years ago from United States

      Thanks to everyone that took the time to read and comment. I have been extremely busy but it seems that things will be slowing down. I really appreciate your continuing to support my series and apologize for not responding to each of you individually.

    • profile image

      Sueswan 

      6 years ago

      Hi Dexter!

      Missed you my friend.

      Leroy: Yeah, and if he says something you don't like, just say, "Yo Momma!" LMAO

      Voted up across the board

      Have a good weekend. :)

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 

      6 years ago

      I don't know how I missed this one Dex. It is funny and really the only thing that has me smiling about this election! Up, funny and awesome.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      Very funny, Dex. Good to see you back from your sabbatical and you 'din't' lose your touch. That Leroy - he should try out for the Comedy Club with his funny one-liners.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 

      6 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Oh Son,

      It is a happy day when I get a notice that you are here...you have been missed but you have surely not lost your touch.

      Wecome back... Voted UP and FABI. Love, Momma

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      6 years ago from Southern Illinois

      I watched the debate last night, looks like the President listened to Michelle..Hee..This is funny, You get my vote..

    • lrc7815 profile image

      Linda Crist 

      6 years ago from Central Virginia

      I don't know how you keep getting the exclusives but you brought your A game again. Voted up.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      6 years ago from Sunny Florida

      I think you might be very accurate on this conversation. So funny Dex! Thanks for a great laugh to start the day. Voted up and +++++

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 

      6 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      ROFLMAO....Oh that Leroy.....he's such a treat....I love the "half black" remark he snapped in with....He is a pain in Barack's butt, isn't he?? LOL

      Michele sure can nag and preach....First Lady Power!!!

      Gosh, Dex.....15 more days until we know what's next......I have every faith in you, you can do these series (comedies) with the Obamas OR the Romneys.....in fact, I'll bet your head has been spinning some Mormon spoofs already!......just in case. The numbers are way too close for comfort on either side!! Great hub!! ,......UP+++

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 

      6 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Michelle Obama for President 2016, she'll sure as heck have my vote!! She's one heck of a lady and I just adore her!! Funtastic hub Dex!! :)

    • Faithful Daughter profile image

      Evie Lopez 

      6 years ago from Sunny Florida

      ROFLMBO!! I'm in tears here from laughing so hard... seriously! I REALLY needed this, boy what a stress reliever! Thanks Dexter!

    • FitnezzJim profile image

      FitnezzJim 

      6 years ago from Fredericksburg, Virginia

      For some reason, I have this image that the Luo don't float like a butterfly when they spar, they hop up and down. It is almost guaranteed to make your opponents head bob up and down as if he is agreeing with you.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 

      6 years ago

      Well Worth the wait, Dexter. It was Funny, Refreshing, but also a bit Poignant... Obama, could use your "Humor" in his Corner Tonight. The Photos are Great...Loved "Oh No you DI'INT". Another Winner of A HUB!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      6 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Absolutely hilarious! I think this is my favorite; you have nailed it this time, and just in time for the 3rd debate tonight. Bravo, Dex!

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 

      6 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Welcome back Dexter. I thought you might be out looking for a new cook. I am glad that this series is back 'on the air'.

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 

      6 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      You are spot on, Dex! After losing the first debate so soundly, it's all uphill for Obama now.

      Funny stuff as usual!

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