jump to last post 1-6 of 6 discussions (6 posts)

Any feed back on my poetry?

  1. Aiysha17 profile image60
    Aiysha17posted 8 years ago

    Hi everyone, I'm Aiysha and write poetry generally during difficult or conflicting times in my life. I have hubbed the poems that I have written in the last year and I would really appreciate some feedback if at all possible. I am very greatful for any comments whether it is possitive or constructive criticism. Thanks all!

  2. Paradise7 profile image84
    Paradise7posted 8 years ago

    I read your poem "Seasons of Life" on the hub of the same name, and I was touched by it.  It's a good poem.

  3. wrenfrost56 profile image83
    wrenfrost56posted 8 years ago

    Just read we sisters, I liked it very much, very sweet and sincere, keep up the good work.

  4. Aiysha17 profile image60
    Aiysha17posted 8 years ago

    Thank you both very much! I only recently started to share my poetry with family and friends, like in the last 6 months to a year but when I found this site I thought I could share it with others and try to see what people take from it.

    'Seasons of Life' was written a couple of years ago now, I wrote it for my cousin's 2 year old son that had just died. I was thinking of reciting it at his funeral but I thought it might be a bit too upsetting for my cousin and his wife.

    'We Sisters' was written in my sister's bedroom. I had just found out from someone else that day about something unspeakable happening to her and as we have always been so close I couldn't believe she hadn't told me. But as always she wanted to protect me. I told her I  knew and she sobbed all through telling me about it. When I went upstairs I was so deeply moved but angrey at myself because I live in a different town and I wasn't there when she needed me most. I was inspired, I started writing then 10 minutes later I went down stairs and gave her it. Which subsequently made her cry even more unfortunately but it was more a cry of relief and reassurance.

  5. halleyhoops profile image59
    halleyhoopsposted 8 years ago

    I guess after reading "We Sisters," I can note that the first letters of each line are capitalized. Most contemporary writers shun away from thus because 1) it is a common a auto formatting in word documents 2) grammatically it is incorrect 3) it was a form adopted in classic poetry. Maybe consider lower casing unless there is a inherent conceptual strategy for formatting as so. One poet who clearly deviates from the idea of grammatical standards to progress his poetic intent would be e.e. cummings.

  6. PeeGee profile image56
    PeeGeeposted 8 years ago

    Hey Aiysha - I'm not sure you need to get much feedback just yet - you are still finding a voice but all I'd say is - keep writing and sharing and also don't feel bound by structure and rhyme and metre - find your own way and express what you want to say in the way that feels most like you and not in a way that someone else does it. I guess I'm saying take some risks and have fun with it.